COBRA'S CREATURES

EXT. FLIGHT TESTING GROUNDS - DAY
RIP CORD (COMM.)
Thirty thousand... thirty-five thousand... we'll level out at forty thousand feet, then hang a left at the corner of Wild Blue and Yonder.
FLINT (COMM.)
All right, approaching jump sight, boys and dog. Is Junk all set for the test?
MUTT (COMM.)
That's affirmative, old buddy. At least, he hasn't said anything to the contrary. Flint, you sure this CCC thing's gonna work?
FLINT
Sure. The Canine Corps Chute is guaranteed to open wide at fifteen hundred feet.
MUTT (COMM.)
Will he get his money back if it doesn't?
FLINT
Okay, lock into automatic pilot. I'll take your birds home for you.
RIP CORD (COMM.)
Roger.
FLINT
Ready, watch that first step! It's a doozy!
RIP CORD
Yo Joe!
MUTT
Oh, no!
FLINT
There goes your master, Junk. Fetch!
RIP CORD
We're making good time. Get ready to hit the silk.
MUTT
Trust me, I'm ready! I'm ready!
FLINT
Breaker, this is Babysitter. Gonna swing on down a bit and see how the kiddies are doin'.
FLINT
I, uh, lost 'em in the cloud bank, Breaker. Any of you hawkeyes on terra firma establish visual contact?
BREAKER
Negative, Babysitter. Not a trace.
FLINT
They've gotta be somewhere!
FLINT
This is a priority may day, Breaker. Scramble the Joes!
BREAKER
Roger, Flint. I smell a rat.
FLINT
Oh, yeah? Well, I smell a snake. This little disappearing act reeks of Cobra.
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - DAY
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
COBRA COMMANDER
Your invention interests me, but I wish to be certain it works, Dr. Lucifer.
DR. LUCIFER [John Stephenson]
Have I ever failed you, Cobra Commander?
COBRA COMMANDER
No, scientist, and that is why you still live. To fail me is fatal.
DR. LUCIFER
My High Frequency Weapon--let's call it Hi-Freq for short--is the ultimate warfare device. With it Cobra could dominate the world. And it's yours...for a price.
COBRA COMMANDER
What price?
DR. LUCIFER
The woman I love, Professor Attila
COBRA COMMANDER
Attila? She is confined in the maximum security section of Stonehall Prison!
DR. LUCIFER
Cobra's resources can free her. Give me Attila; I shall give you the world.
MUTT
Watch it, you slime....
MUTT
Easy, boy! Don't bite those Cobra creeps. They'll give ya rabies!
COBRA COMMANDER
Before we seal our bargain, Doctor, a demonstration. As you see, I've spared no expense to find you a worthy test specimen. If Hi-Freq can control a G. I. Joe dog, I will believe your weapon works.
DR. LUCIFER
Hi-Freq can control the mind of any animal or insect on earth, by means of this central control module. Watch.
MUTT
Look, you can mess with my mind, you crazy quack, but nobody messes with my pooch!
MUTT
Junk! Get tough, fella!
DR. LUCIFER
Hi-Freq transmits soundwaves that only affect animals and insects. The belongs to Cobra now.
COBRA COMMANDER
Is it, indeed? Let's find out.
(to Junkyard) The game is hunt. You are the prey. He is the hunter.
COBRA COMMANDER
Scientist, give the prey a five minute head start. Then, set free the hunter.
RIP CORD
Mutt, go for it! Run for your life!
MUTT
But that...that's Junkyard! He's m-my pal!
RIP CORD
Not anymore, he's not. Run!
COBRA COMMANDER
Instruct the guards to lower the drawbridge.
EXT. WOODS - DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
COBRA COMMANDER
And now, scientist, release the hunter!
RIP CORD
Hey, what about his head start? You said he had five minutes!
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes. Odd, isn't it, how time flies.
DR. LUCIFER
And now, by turning this dial, I will command the dog's behavior.
(to Junkyard) Go, attack your master.
RIP CORD
You won't get away with this, you rotten....
COBRA COMMANDER
Is there room for that one in your dungeon?
DR. LUCIFER
Ample room, I assure you. Take him away.
COBRA COMMANDER
Dr. Lucifer, The bargain is sealed. You will soon be with Attila, and Hi-Freq shall serve me well.
EXT. WOODS - DAY
MUTT
This is all some sorta...crazy trick! It has to be. Ol' Junk wouldn't turn on me, and no blamed machine could make him.
MUTT
Junk! What did that crazy Cobra gizmo do to you, boy?
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - DAY
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
DR. LUCIFER
Hi-Freq's central control module is at your disposal, my dear partner. Select your targets, and then watch as Hi-Freq recruits your animal army.
COBRA COMMANDER
Very well. Let us begin with the king of beasts.
DR. LUCIFER
Now, to transmit Hi-Freq to our pilot in the field....
EXT. JUNGLE PLAINS
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
DR. LUCIFER
There. We are programmed to control the lions.
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER
Astounding, partner.
EXT. CORNFIELD - DAY
EXT. OIL WELL - DAY
OIL WORKERS
Oh, dear!, Let's get outta here!, Run for your lives!, etc.
EXT. OIL TANKER - DAY
CAPTAIN
Engine room, dead stop!
ENGINEER (COMM.)
What is it, Captain?
CAPTAIN
You...you wouldn't believe it!
EXT. SKY OVER FARM - DAY
GREENSHIRT
Holy cow! What the heck's goin' on?
GREENSHIRT
The world's gone nuts! They're drivin' me buggy! They're all over me!
WILD BILL
Hang on, boys! The exterminator man's here!
WILD BILL
Whoops! Let's pack it in, fellers. We ain't got a big enough tail to swat all them horseflies.
GREENSHIRT (COMM.)
May day! May day! They jammed my jets! Goin' down! Gotta ditch!
WILD BILL
Saddle up quick, fellas! We gotta bug outta here! Come on!
EXT. WOODS - DAY
MUTT
Hey, Junk. Come on, boy. Ease up. It's me, Mutt. Don't wanna bite the hand that feeds ya, do ya, big guy?
MUTT
Those Cobra clowns are gonna pay for this, Junk, so help me.
MUTT
Stay back, boy. I don't wanna hurt my best pal.
MUTT
I'm sorry, boy! Honest, I am!
EXT. CITY - ELECTRONICS STORE
COBRA COMMANDER
Citizens of the world, pay heed to my warning. Cobra now controls your land, sea, sky, and even your precious fuel supplies.
COBRA COMMANDER (CONT.)
Your situation is hopeless! Your leaders cannot save you!
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
COBRA COMMANDER (CONT.)
The following list of prisoners shall be immediately released, or else my Hi-Freq weapon will unleash a catastrophe.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER (CONT.)
I will bring the world down upon your heads!
WILD BILL
That dude's one real fun guy, ain't he?
COBRA COMMANDER
Dr. Lasgow, Victor the Hun, Ecu the Mad Assassin, and Professor Attila!
DOC [in Flint's voice]
Some of the worst creeps, killers, and kooks behind bars.
SCARLETT
If they join up with Cobra, we're talkin' mean and ugly. Do you have a fix on that Hi-Freq thing, Doc?
DOC
Looks like somebody has figured out a way to control animals and insects with ultra-high frequency sound. Only one guy's smart enough to pull off that caper--Dr. Lucifer.
WILD BILL
Lucifer? That maniac egghead?
FLINT
I sure could use a plan.
SCARLETT
Professor Attila's on that list. Dr. Lucifer's got a thing for her.
FLINT
So?
SCARLETT
So we pull a sneak attack where the big brain would least expect it: his heart.
INT. STONEHALL PRISON
CRIMSON GUARD [Chris Latta]
Now, warden. Give me the keys to Professor Attila's cell, or my cats will find them for me.
CRIMSON GUARD
My Commander awaits you, Professor Attila.
"PROF. ATTILA"
And I await the opportunity to repay the swine that imprisoned me.
WARDEN [Buster Jones?]
All right, put the professor back in her cell.
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - NIGHT
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
COBRA COMMANDER
As you see, Dr. Lucifer, I have kept my promise.
DR. LUCIFER
Attila?
"PROF. ATTILA"
Yes, my darling, yes!
"PROF. ATTILA"
What is wrong, my dearest? Why do you push me away?
DR. LUCIFER
I am not your dearest! This woman is am impostor!
COBRA COMMANDER
What?
"PROF. ATTILA"
Why do you jest at such a time, my beloved?
COBRA COMMANDER
'Yes, scientist. Explain yourself.
DR. LUCIFER
My Attila, the real Attila, would never kiss me without insulting me first! No, the real Attila has never been a loving woman! Never!
"PROF. ATTILA"
Well, it's, uh, it's just the strain of prison life, my dear.
DR. LUCIFER
Only the real Attila would know the first time I proposed marriage to her. Do you remember, my dear?
"PROF. ATTILA"
Of course, my beloved. A woman never forgets such things.
DR. LUCIFER
You, woman, are a fraud! I have never proposed to Attila!
COBRA COMMANDER
Guards, seize her!
COBRA COMMANDER
So, we have been deceived! Very well. She can join her G. I. Joe comrade in the dungeon. I'm sure we can arrange a suitably tragic fate for them both...can't we, Doctor?
DR. LUCIFER
We can indeed. You'll live long enough to regret this deception, woman...and not a moment longer!
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - NIGHT
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - DUNGEON
DR. LUCIFER
Fear not, Cobra Commander. Our counterfeit Professor Attila was brought here by Cobra troops. She's had no opportunity to inform G. I. Joe of our location. Hi-Freq is safe.
COBRA COMMANDER
Poor Scarlett. All your efforts have come to naught.
RIP CORD
Take your hands off her, you slimy snake!
COBRA COMMANDER
Spare us your attempts at gallantry, fool. They are quite pointless, considering that both of you are doomed!
INT. HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
FLINT
That's Scarlett's signal! Lock in on it, Breaker.
BREAKER
No problem, Flint. Her position's stationary. No movement.
FLINT
Hmmm. That's not good. Cobra may have gotten wise to her little trick or treat. We're gonna have to move fast.
SPIRIT
Would it not be wise to free Scarlett before we attack?
FLINT
Yeah. And I might even try it, if I had a couple of guys crazy enough to drop in on Cobra unannounced.
SPIRIT
Snake-Eyes and I know of such men.
FLINT
I thought you would.
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - DUNGEON
COBRA COMMANDER
Struggle all you please. Escape is impossible.
DR. LUCIFER
You will pay for toying with my affections, woman! Death is coming for you...on eight thousand fat, little legs.
RIP CORD
What did he mean by that?
SCARLETT
Search me. A firing squad, maybe, with four thousand short, overweight soldiers?
SCARLETT (CONT.)
Hey, where's Mutt? I thought he'd be with you.
RIP CORD
They used that Hi-Freq thing to turn Junk against him. He's out in the swamp somewhere, with his own pooch huntin' him down.
SCARLETT
Rip Cord, look out! Above you!
SCARLETT
I hate spiders! I mean, I REALLY HATE SPIDERS!
RIP CORD
Yeah? Well in that case, Red, we've got a serious problem here. In fact, about a thousand problems with eight legs apiece!
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
MUTT
That's it. Can't take another step. Good thing I managed to lose poor, old Junk... for a while.
MUTT
Get down, Junk! Stop! It's me, boy! Hang you, dog, I said get off me!
MUTT
Well, what's it gonna be dog, friends or foes?
MUTT
Junk!
MUTT
That's...my...best...friend! You leave 'im alone!
MUTT
Bit off more than you could chew, huh?
MUTT
Junk! Oh, no! Junk? You hear me, boy?
MUTT
You gotta be okay! You're all right, aren't ya? Aren't ya, boy?
MUTT
No, boy! Down, boy! Don't!
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - NIGHT
SPIRIT
Wait.
SPIRIT
Shh, Timber. I'm afraid I need your dinner for an experiment.
SPIRIT
Piranha. Your swim, Snake-Eyes, would have been fatal. I will speak to Freedom and Timber.
SPIRIT
You shall guard us as if we were your prisoners.
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
COBRA
Take them to the dungeon.
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - DUNGEON
SCARLETT
Spirit!
RIP CORD
Snake-Eyes!
SPIRIT
We will free you.
SCARLETT
Thanks, guys. You know, I used to hate spiders...but now I loathe them!
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
COBRA [Bill Ratner]
Halt! Another move and I'll....
SCARLETT
Upstairs. The Hi-Freq control module is upstairs.
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - NIGHT
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
COBRA COMMANDER
So, no one can locate your castle, eh, scientist?
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE - NIGHT
WILD BILL
Yee-hoo! Caught 'em catnappin'! Once we get across that bridge, we can tie their tails in a knot!
FLINT
Cover me, Wild Bill! I'm goin' for the drawbridge!
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
DR. LUCIFER
Hurry! We must signal our animal armies to attack, or risk losing everything!
COBRA COMMANDER
The dial, scientist! Turn the dial!
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
MUTT
You win, Junk. I'm beat. Get it over with.
MUTT
What in the name o'... Son of a gun, you're back, aren't ya! Good ol' Junk, you're back!
EXT. MOSCOW - RED SQUARE
EXT. OCEAN LINER
EXT. OIL WELL
EXT. WASHINGTON - CAPITAL
EXT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
INT. DR. LUCIFER'S CASTLE
SCARLETT
Where's Cobra Commander? Did he get away?
SPIRIT
Yes. But in a sense, it matters little. There will always be evil, and evil men.
SCARLETT
Yeah, good thing there'll always be us Joes, huh?
EXT. STONEHALL PRISON
INT. STONEHALL PRISON
FLINT
Well, Dr. Lucifer, your dream's gonna come true. You get to spend the rest of your life next to the woman you love.
SCARLETT
Yeah, see ya, Dr. Lucifer. Look us up in a couple o' hundred years.
FLINT
Well, I think we've earned some R and R, folks.
MUTT
Yep. I, for one, am dog tired.