COBRA STOPS THE WORLD

INT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - CONTROL CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
Attention, nations of the world! This is Cobra Commander.
EXT. NORTH SEA - NIGHT
COBRA COMMANDER (V.O.)
In the last twelve hours, Cobra has launched an all-out attack upon your energy resources. In the North Sea, Cobra Rattlers have reduced your off-shore drilling staitons to rubble.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER (V.O.)
In the desert, our HISS battalions have halted production at every major oil field.
EXT. ALASKA - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER (V.O.)
We have severed vital links in the Alaskan pipeline.
EXT. CARIBBEAN SEA - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER (V.O.)
Observe this fleet of tankers carrying South American oil to the US.
EXT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - DAY
INT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - CONTROL CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
And now, witness the final phase of Cobra's plan to stop the world!
EXT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - DAY
EXT. SPACE - EARTH ORBIT
EXT. CARIBBEAN SEA - DAY
INT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - CONTROL CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
Governments of the world, the choice is yours! Surrender control of your nations to Cobra, or face the nightmarish prospect of a new dark age!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
COL. SHARP
Did you trace the transmission, Sparks?
SPARKS
Sorry, Colonel. I tried, but Cobra bounced that transmission off a satellite.
COL. SHARP
Then their base could be anywhere in the world.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
COL. SHARP (COMM.)
Did you receive the transmission, Duke?
DUKE
Loud, clear, and ugly, Colonel Sharp. But what about the tankers? Where'd they go?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SPARKS
Search me, Duke. They just evaporated.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
SCARLETT
No they didn't. Cobra's got a cloaking device that makes them invisible...
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SCARLETT (CONT., V.O.)
...even to our most sensitive instruments.
COL. SHARP
And those tankers were the world's last hope. Without that oil, every industrialized nation will be paralyzed.
EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
DUKE
Not if G. I. Joe can help it, Colonel. Scarlett, we located a Cobra safehouse on the West Coast. Rose garden, white picket fence, you'd never figure it for a Cobra hideout. If there's a lead to those tankers there, I want it.
SCARLETT
And I like a man who knows what he wants. Yo Joe!
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
DUKE (COMM.)
Leader Joe to SHARC One, you fellas catch Cobra's little TV show?
TORPEDO
Yeah. Lousy acting, but the special effects weren't bad.
DEEP SIX
Can the comedy, Torpedo.
DUKE (COMM.)
Cobra's got a floating base fifty miles due south of your present position. Take it out, and find me a clue to those missing tankers.
TORPEDO
Hey, piece of fish cake, Duke. Leave it to me and Mr. Warmth here.
DEEP SIX
You have a peculiar sense of humor, mister.
TORPEDO AND DEEP SIX
Yo Joe!
EXT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - DAY
INT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - CONTROL CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
I commend you, Destro. Your cloaking device has assured Cobra's complete and final victory.
DESTRO
So it seems. But do not proclaim our triumph prematurely. Even now, the forces of G. I. Joe may be moving against us.
COBRA COMMANDER
But first, Destro, they must find us. And how long can they search the globe before their fuel is gone?
DESTRO
You display considerable cleverness, more than I have come to expect. But Destro does not celebrate until his wars are won.
EXT. OCEAN - COBRA SEA BASE
LEAD COBRA [Gregg Berger]
Attack! Open fire!
LEAD COBRA
Attack! Attack! Open fire!
DEEP SIX
Stay in your seat, funny man!
DEEP SIX
I tried to warn ya.
TORPEDO
Take us back down, low over the water, and drop me off.
DEEP SIX
While I flit around here like some turbo-charged pelican? No. I'm a diver, too. I'm more at home fifty fathoms down.
TORPEDO
Yeah, well we'll wind up there permanently if we don't cooperate.
DEEP SIX
Fine. We'll try it your way.
COBRA GUNNER #1
He's on us!
COBRA GUNNER #2
Look out!
COBRA GUNNER #1
Jump!
DEEP SIX
Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya.
TORPEDO
Oh no.
TORPEDO
Got to make this shot perfect.
LEAD COBRA
Evacuation procedures! We're goin' down!
DEEP SIX
Good. The comedian did his job.
TORPEDO
You're late, pal. Party's breakin' up. Everybody's leavin'.
DEEP SIX
Not everybody.
TORPEDO
Sonic rifles! My brain's doing the hula!
DEEP SIX
I hate loud noises.
DEEP SIX
I'd like it quiet down here! I said quiet!
DEEP SIX
That's better.
TORPEDO
Thanks, pal. I owe you one.
DEEP SIX
No big deal. Forget it. Come on. Maybe they left behind a clue to one of those missing tankers.
EXT. AMAZON JUNGLE - DAY
ACE
Talk about your long shots. Why are we scoutin' for tankers over the jungle?
DUKE
These jungles produce oil and diamonds. And you saw the sparker on that cloaking device.
TORPEDO (COMM.)
SHARC One to Leader Joe.
DUKE
Go ahead, Torpedo. I read you.
EXT. OCEAN - COBRA SEA BASE
TORPEDO (COMM.)
Remember that floating Cobra base? Makes a real nifty aquarium.
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
DUKE
Find anything on the tankers?
TORPEDO (COMM.)
Zilch. Even the goldfish swear they know nothin' about it.
ACE
Holy cow! Cobra fighters, closing fast!
ACE
Hang on, Duke. I'm gonna try to beat the odds and lose 'em!
DUKE
You're the ace, Ace. Do it.
DUKE
Ace, climb! It's too narrow! We can't get through!
ACE
Relax. It wasn't as close as it looked.
DUKE
Never convinced me.
DUKE
Look out! He's making another pass!
DUKE
Ace, you, you okay?
ACE
Except for the lethal wound in my pride. That bozo almost cashed in our chips.
DUKE
Forget it. You did good up there. We're alive, aren't we?
MAJ. BLUDD (O.C.)
Yes, for the moment, mates. We'll fix that straightaway.
DUKE
Major Bludd!
MAJ. BLUDD
And mates, meet me mob, the Yanomamo. Indigenous they are. Tribe hasn't been out of this forest for thousands of years.
DUKE
Which explains how you could sucker them onto your side. Until you, they'd never met a snake with legs.
MAJ. BLUDD
Watch your tongue, Duke. These are Cobra's allies. We've worked out what you might call a mutually beneficial exchange of resources.
EXT. COBRA SAFEHOUSE - DAY
MAN [Chris Latta]
Yeah?
OLD WOMAN
I'm sorry to bother you, sir. I'm lost and I haven't any money. Might I use your telephone.
MAN
Beat it, lady. I got no time for....
OLD WOMAN
Please, it won't take long.
MAN
I said beat it, granny!
OLD WOMAN
Okay, sonny.
INT. COBRA SAFEHOUSE
SCARLETT
Yo Joe!
SCARLETT
No thanks. I'm only hungry for information.
SCARLETT
Happy landings, sport!
SCARLETT
Don't tell me you're actually going to be sensible and surrender?
COBRA OFFICER [Pat Fraley?]
No, not quite.
COBRA OFFICER
Anyone awake down there?
SCARLETT
Play time's over, friend. Let's talk tankers. Where's Cobra hiding them?
COBRA OFFICER
Only Cobra Commander and Destro know that.
SCARLETT
Are you sure? You wouldn't lie to me, would you?
COBRA OFFICER
No! No, not with my life in your hands.
SCARLETT
That I can believe.
COBRA COMMANDER
Nations of the world, Cobra will tolerate no further delays!
INT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - CONTROL CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
Your indecision carries a terrible price, as I shall now demonstrate.
EXT. OCEAN - DAY
INT. COBRA SAFEHOUSE
COBRA COMMANDER
Another tanker will be detonated each hour, destroying your precious oil until Cobra's demands are met.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SPARKS
Yahoo!
COL. SHARP
What the devil are you so happy about? We just lost a tanker!
SPARKS
But we may have won the fleet! I've been working on a scanner that detects remote control frequencies, and Cobra must be detonating those ships by remote control. If I can get it working within an hour, the next time they blow a tanker up, it'll lead us right to 'em!
COL. SHARP
Well, don't just sit around explaining it to me. Get on it, man! You've got fifty-six minutes.
EXT. AMAZON JUNGLE - DAY
DUKE
How'd you win these men over, Bludd? Promise them the southern hemisphere when Cobra conquers the world?
MAJ. BLUDD
Hardly anything so grandiose. They're at war, you see, with a neighboring village. Cobra gave 'em superior firepower so's they could win that war.
DUKE
Real generous of you. And what does Cobra get in return?
MAJ. BLUDD
Nothing these lads'll miss, just the means to stop the world.
ACE
Ah, Duke!
DUKE
Ace! He must've been injured when we hit the water! I think he's bleeding internally.
MAJ. BLUDD
Well now, we can't have that, can we? Here you two, hoist him up!
MAJ. BLUDD
Come along.
MAJ. BLUDD
There we are, hold it right here. Cobra's capable of mercy, too, you know. You got me word, Ace. Your sufferin's almost over.
MAJ. BLUDD
Put him out of his misery.
MAJ. BLUDD
Come on mates, heave ho. The boy's suffered long enough.
ACE
Wait, the pain's gone! It's a miracle!
DUKE
Go easy. They're Cobra's victims, whether they know it or not.
DUKE
Let's get outta here.
MAJ. BLUDD
What are you waitin' for, bloomin' Mother's Day? After those two!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - ELECTRONICS LAB
COL. SHARP
Sparks, how's it coming?
SPARKS
It's coming. I don't know if it'll work, but it's coming.
COL. SHARP
It's got to work.
SPARKS
Oh, no!
COL. SHARP
Sparks, what happened?
SPARKS
Not now, Colonel! I've got work to do!
EXT. AMAZON JUNGLE - VILLAGE
ACE
Well, kick my tail section!
DUKE
Quiet!
ACE
Cobra's turned their village into an air base!
DUKE
Look.
ACE
A diamond mine? That's where Cobra gets the jewels to power the cloaking device.
DUKE
You've got it, whiz kid. Only make it past tense. We're gonna....
MAJ. BLUDD
Intruders! G. I. Joe!
CRIMSON GUARD [Chris Latta]
Stop 'em! Don't let them escape alive!
DUKE
Ace, get in one of those Rattlers. Radio the Joes and tell 'em what we found.
ACE
What about you?
DUKE
I'm gonna shut down this little operation.
COBRA [Chris Latta]
Halt! Stay where you are!
DUKE
Eat hot knuckles, snake face!
DUKE
I hope my timing's as good as I think it is.
DUKE
Yo Joe!
ACE
Taxi, mister?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - ELECTRONICS LAB
SPARKS
Come on, baby, work!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
COL. SHARP
Scarlett. I just contacted Duke and Ace. Duke, Ace, where are you? Are you all right?
EXT. AMAZON JUNGLE
ACE
Alive, well, and thirty-eight thousand feet over the jungle in an enemy fighter.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
COL. SHARP
Oh no. The hour's up. Where's Sparks?
DUKE (CONT.)
What's happening, Colonel?
COL. SHARP
It's another Cobra transmission, Duke. I'll patch you in. Sparks, where are you!?
SPARKS
Right here!
COBRA COMMANDER
One full hour has passed, with no decision from your so-called leaders. Watch, see what their delay has cost you!
SPARKS
Yahoo! The secret word is Patagonia! Cobra's secret base is off the coast of Patagonia. The tankers are two hundred miles due east of the Falklands. I traced the detonation signal. My scanner worked!
EXT. AMAZON JUNGLE
DUKE
Well, quit patagoni-in' yourself on the back, and mobilize an assault force. Move it!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
SCARLETT
Get moving!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - CORRIDOR
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - HANGAR
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
EXT. OCEAN NEAR PATAGONIA
EXT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - DAY
INT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - CONTROL CENTER
DESTRO
Still no word from the world's governments! My patience has its limits!
COBRA COMMANDER
Indeed, and it appears they have been reached. Our victory would have been simpler had they surrendered. But let us be content to detonate all the other tankers!
DESTRO
Yes, and to watch as civilization crashes into ruin!
COBRA COMMANDER
No! It's impossible! They can't have found us!
EXT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - DAY
INT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - CONTROL CENTER
DESTRO
Activate defense systems!
EXT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - DAY
COBRAS
Cobra!
SCARLETT
Uh-oh. Sky's getting messy. Cutter, can you help us out?
CUTTER
On the way! Amphibious troops ashore! Yo Joe!
COBRA
Don't bother! The Rattler will get her!
DUKE
Cobra thinks we're one of theirs!
ACE
Then why don't we shuffle a wild card into the deck?
CUTTER
Sorry, your escape's been cancelled.
SCARLETT
I almost put a thermal arrow through one of your engines. You should've signalled me.
DUKE
Let's go get Chrome Dome.
DUKE, SCARLETT, AND ACE
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA SNAKE TOWER - CONTROL CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
Your ingenious detonator led G. I. Joe straight to our door!
DESTRO
Impossible. Even the G. I. Joes do not have a scanner capable of tracing my detonator signal.
DUKE
We do now, Destro. Yo Joe!
DUKE
All right, let's go, chrome cheeks. There's a nice, dank cell waiting for....
COBRA COMMANDER
Fool, do you truly think me defenseless?
COBRA COMMANDER
You will pay for your stupidity, Destro.
DUKE (coughing)
Destro! Cobra Commander! Where?
SCARLETT
You're okay, and the tankers are safe. That's more important.
ACE
Yeah, we'll nail 'em next time, Duke.
EXT. CITY - SUNSET
SCARLETT
Don't feel bad, Duke. We got the job done, even if those creeps did get away.
DUKE
Yeah, I guess you're right. May as well get back to base, right?
SCARLETT
May as well. Or you could take me to dinner and a movie, now that everything's working again.
DUKE
Now you're cookin' with gas. I just hope we can find a parking place.