THE PHANTOM BRIGADE

EXT. CARPATHIA - MUNITIONS FACTORY
MAJ. BLUDD
Major Bludd to Firebat One, proceed to rendezvous point. Let's make Custom Munitions very sorry they refused our business.
AVAC
Firebat One to Major Bludd, target is in range!
MAJ. BLUDD
Attack! Cobra!
OFFICER
Oh, no! Cobra tanks!
IVAN
Tolbukin, this is Ivan! We are under fire!
INT. MUNITIONS FACTORY
TOLBUKIN
I can't send, Ivan! The entire plant is under fire! We haven't enough men!
EXT. DESERT - MUNITIONS FACTORY
IVAN
We are lost!
INT. MUNITIONS FACTORY
TOLBUKIN
Ivan!
EXT. DESERT - MUNITIONS FACTORY
SCARLETT
Scarlett to SkyStrikers: Cobra's attacking the munitions factory. Let's get 'em.
JOES
Yo Joe!
MAJ. BLUDD
G. I. Joe SkyStrikers! They're on your bloody tails!
SCARLETT
You can run, Cobra, but you can't hide.
SCARLETT
Scarlett to convoy, Duke, come in. Please!
COVER GIRL
Cover Girl, here, Scarlett. We're almost at the gate. And, uh, don't worry about Duke. He's right here beside me.
SCARLETT
Yeah, I'll just bet he is.
DUKE
Move! Hit 'em hard and hit 'em fast!
TOLBUKIN
Sergeant, thank goodness you are here!
DUKE
Take cover!
DUKE
Stay with these two, Gung-Ho.
GUNG-HO
Check!
TOLBUKIN
We appreciate your help against Cobra.
GUNG-HO
Hey, you sound just like....
GUNG-HO
As I started to say, you sound just like Count Dracula.
TOLBUKIN
You scoff at our legends, but strange things happen in these Carpathian Mountains.
IVAN
The gypsies say they are haunted with ghosts and vampires.
GUNG-HO
What? No werewolves?
AVAC
Firebat One to squadron, return to base.
MAJ. BLUDD
No! Without air support, the ground troops will have to retreat!
AVAC
Tough! We're outnumbered and getting low on fuel!
MAJ. BLUDD
You're paid to follow orders!
AVAC
Can't spend the money if I'm six feet under!
ROADBLOCK
The snakes are turnin' tail!
DUKE
Good. I want this place secured before dark.
ROADBLOCK
No problem. Move it!
EXT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - NIGHT
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE
GYPSY
Unhand me, you reptiles!
GYPSY
Never touch a gypsy queen without permission, or your hands will shrivel up and fall of!
EEL
Whoa!
BARONESS
Fools, this way! Cobra Commander is waiting.
EXT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - NIGHT
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
So, they were getting low on fuel! A stupid excuse, Major Bludd.
MAJ. BLUDD
But they were also outnumbered!
COBRA COMMANDER
They were cowards! We pay them to fight, not flee!
COBRA COMMANDER
Ah, Baroness.
BARONESS
I have obeyed your order, Cobra Commander, but I caution you: Gypsy magic is very unpredictable. You tamper with forces that you do not under....
COBRA COMMANDER
Silence! You know what I want, old woman. Is it possible?
GYPSY
Those who die by accident or by treachery do not cross peacefully into the spirit realm. I know of three such restless spirits. They can be drawn to these objects which were dear to them in life.
BARONESS
This is madness. Ghosts in the service of Cobra?
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes, soldiers who do not fear death because they are already dead. A phantom brigade. Summon them at once.
GYPSY
With this ancient coin, I call upon the spirit of the past. Roman warrior, enter the realm of the living.
EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT
ROMAN WARRIOR
Who calls?
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - CONTROL ROOM
GYPSY
With this wedding ring, I call upon the spirit of the past. Mongolian warrior, enter the realm of the living.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - NIGHT
MONGOLIAN WARRIOR [Morgan Lofting]
Yes. I am here.
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - CONTROL ROOM
GYPSY
Now with this locket, I call upon the spirit of the past. American warrior, enter the realm of the living.
EXT. SKIES - NIGHT
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - CONTROL ROOM
GYPSY
It is done.
COBRA COMMANDER
Spirits, I have summoned you to serve Cobra. You will do as I command.
ROMAN AND MONGOLIAN
We shall do your bidding, master.
COBRA COMMANDER
Gypsy, you said there were three. Where is the third spirit?
GYPSY
Ah, he appears now as we speak.
AMERICAN WARRIOR [Rob Paulsen]
Hi, everybody. Say, isn't that my locket?
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes, pilot. And if you want it back, you shall do what I, your commanding officer, tell you to do!
EXT. MUNITIONS FACTORY - NIGHT
TOLBUKIN
Another Cobra attack?
DUKE
We don't know, but we're not takin' any chances. Take cover!
ALPINE
Holy cow! What's goin' on?
SNOW JOB
Is that a Cobra aircraft?
WILD BILL
Not unless they've switched from Stingers to biplanes. It's a spat! American plane, circa World War One!
SNOW JOB
What's he using for ammunition?
ALPINE
Beats me.
WILD BILL
How in tarnation's he stayin' airborne? Not enough linen on those wings to fly a kite!
SNOW JOB
Our lasers are passing right through it!
SCARLETT
Look!
ROADBLOCK
What is it?
SCARLETT
She iced it over!
ROADBLOCK
Yeah, and I repeat, what is it?
SCARLETT
A hologram, maybe. My jammer arrow will break up the image.
ROADBLOCK
Uh-oh.
ROADBLOCK
What kinda weapon's Cobra got?
INT. AMMUNITION FACTORY - STOREHOUSE
QUICK KICK
Let me guess. Great Caesar's ghost, right?
ROMAN
No. Merely a centurion.
QUICK KICK
Hey!
QUICK KICK
Anti-gravity weapon. We're in big trouble.
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Soon G. I. Joe will be destroyed. My phantom brigade is winning!
COBRA COMMANDER
I shall have no need of living agents at all, not even you, Baroness.
BARONESS
The night is not yet over, Commander.
EXT. MUNITIONS FACTORY - NIGHT
THUNDER
Look out!
WILD BILL
I want a look at that bird! Or what's left of her!
WILD BILL
Yeehaw! Gotcha!
WILD BILL
Where the samhill?
DUKE
Wild Bill, a plane's strafing the factory! We're pinned down in a pile of explosives!
WILD BILL
Wouldn't be a biplane, would it?
DUKE
Now that you mention it, yes!
SCARLETT
Tolbukin, are you all right?
TOLBUKIN
I seem to be.
DUKE
So, Cobra has a stealth device that lets a plane sneak past radar!
ROADBLOCK
What kind of weapon haven't they got? Somethin' doesn't jibe here.
BARONESS
That is because you do not understand what you are fighting.
SCARLETT
Baroness! What are you doing here?
BARONESS
I come in peace. You must learn the secret of the phantom brigade.
ROADBLOCK
The which?
BARONESS
You are being attacked by ghosts. Your weapons are useless against them.
TOLBUKIN
Ghosts....
DUKE
You don't expect us to believe that!
BARONESS
It is true! A gypsy summoned these spirits to serve Cobra.
SCARLETT
And why are you telling us this?
BARONESS
Call it job security. If the ghosts defeat you, Cobra Commander may no longer need my services. The ghosts are bound to this world by three objects which Cobra Commander possesses: a locket, a wedding ring, and an ancient coin.
EXT. MUNITIONS FACTORY - NIGHT
DUKE
So, to send the ghosts packin', we gotta get those objects and give 'em a proper burial. I'm not asking you to believe any of this, but the Baroness did tell me where Cobra's hideout, so let's take it out!
DUKE
What?
SCARLETT
Uh-oh. It's our friend again!
THUNDER
Run for it!
WILD BILL
C'mon, Cover Girl. He's not disappearin' on me this time!
AMERICAN
So, they want a dogfight, eh?
WILD BILL
Hooey! That guy's some kinda pilot!
COVER GIRL
We're hit!
COVER GIRL
Aren't you gonna return the fire?
WILD BILL
Not 'til I know who I'm a-shootin' at.
COVER GIRL
How about that smoke comin' out of our tail?
WILD BILL
Aw, we're just singed a little bit. Let's tell him who we are!
WILD BILL
I've had this flag in here since last Veteran's Day. Hold it against the canopy!
COVER GIRL
If you say so!
AMERICAN
I gotcha now! Oh my gosh, they're American!
COVER GIRL
He stopped firing!
WILD BILL
Yep. He's on our side! I like to use my head before I use my guns.
COVER GIRL
Why, that pilot's just a kid!
AMERICAN
Hey, that's some flyin' machine you've got there. What outfit you with?
WILD BILL
G. I. Joe.
AMERICAN
Never heard of it. But I've been away from home for months. Say, why are you lookin' at me that way?
WILD BILL
I ain't lookin' at you. I'm lookin' through you.
COVER GIRL
Total emptiness! There's nothing there!
ROADBLOCK
That's 'cause he's a ghost.
ROMAN
He speaks with the master's enemies.
MONGOLIAN
His ties with the living have not been broken.
AMERICAN
I had a close call with one of the Kaiser's boys this morning, but...I...can't be...dead!
DUKE
Back off, you buzzards!
AMERICAN
My girlfriend Jenny, I wonder if she's dead, too? My CO's keeping the locket she gave me until I get back to base.
DUKE
Does this commanding officer of yours wear a mask?
AMERICAN
Yeah. And he hisses a lot.
ROMAN
We serve Cobra Commander, he who summoned us from the void.
MONGOLIAN
We obey him and destroy his enemies!
MONGOLIAN
Obey and destroy!
AMERICAN
Stop! You're hurting them! You were alive once! Don't you remember what it felt like to hurt , or to love?
MONGOLIAN
Yes. I remember. My husband...he died soon after we were married. I loved him very much.
AMERICAN
I know what I'm doing is wrong, but 'til I get Jenny's locket back, I must follow the Commander's orders.
DUKE
Then we'll try and get it back for you, son, but we might need your help.
AMERICAN
I'll do what I can, and try to convince the others, too.
EXT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - NIGHT
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - CONTROL ROOM
SNOW SERPENT
Alert! Alert! Urgent message for Cobra Commander!
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes, what is it?
SNOW SERPENT
The Joes are planning something big!
COBRA COMMANDER
Stay at your post until you know what it is.
COBRA COMMANDER
The ghosts should've finished G. I. Joe by now.
EXT. CARPATHIAN MOUNTAINS - NIGHT
SNOW JOB
Let's move, or we'll miss our rendezvous with the assault team!
EXT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - NIGHT
SCARLETT
I never thought we'd be getting tactical support from the spirit world.
ROADBLOCK
I wonder what it feels like...you know, after.
DUKE
Get ready to jump! Yo Joe!
JOES
Yo Joe!
DUKE
Our blast from the past is back!
GUNG-HO
Just in time to get us inside.
DUKE
Yo Joe!
JOES
Yo Joe!
COBRAS
Cobra!
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - COURTYARD
DUKE
Airborne, Rip Cord, hold the courtyard! Gung-Ho, we're goin' snake huntin'!
GUNG-HO
Right behind ya!
DUKE
Cobra Commander's around here somewhere.
GREENSHIRT
If he gives you guys the slip, don't worry. He won't get past us.
EXT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - NIGHT
MAJ. BLUDD
Cobra Commander and his bloody ghosts!
MAJ. BLUDD
Bludd to Stinger Squadron! Prepare to launch! I need help with this Joe Hovercraft!
EXT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - LAUNCH PAD
AVAC
N-n-negative on the launch, Major Bludd!
MAJ. BLUDD
Worthless, bloody fools! I'll do it myself!
MAJ. BLUDD
I've got them! Nothing can save them now!
WILD BILL
Here comes nothin', sport!
WILD BILL
I'll have somebody else pick you up, Major. I don't go bobbin' for rotten apples!
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
No! Everywhere I look, G. I.&nbp;Joes! My plans are ruined! What happened to those stupid ghosts?
ROMAN
We have come, Cobra Commander, to take back what is ours.
COBRA COMMANDER
No! Stay back! I command you!
MONGOLIAN
We are no man's slaves. We three are bound to this world by those objects, not by your will.
COBRA COMMANDER
No! Leave me alone!
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - STAIRS
DUKE
Hold it, fang face!
COBRA COMMANDER
No!
INT. CARPATHIAN CASTLE - DUNGEON
SKELETON
Cobra Commander...
COBRA COMMANDER
Who spoke my name? Who's there?
SKELETON
You must release all your souls or pay the price!
COBRA COMMANDER
Stay away from me!
SKELETON
Return what does not belong to you!
COBRA COMMANDER
No. No! No!
SKELETON
Return them!
COBRA COMMANDER
All right! Here! Take them!
SKELETON
One day, you will meet your fate, and we will be waiting.
COBRA COMMANDER
NO! LET ME GO!
DUKE
Holy boiled mackeral!
GUNG-HO
Duke, look. The head snake's made a break for it.
DUKE
It's okay. We got what we came for.
AMERICAN
My dear Jenny, I loved you so.
ROMAN
I carried this for good luck, and lost it gambling one night.
MONGOLIAN
My dear husband, we shall be together at last.
EXT. BURIAL SITE
DUKE
I guess our work's done here. Come on, Joes. Time to go home.