THE GERM

INT. HOSPITAL
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Attention, Agent X-Ninety-Nine. Your last report has been received (X) and we are acting on your recommendation. You are (T) to proceed with the theft of the pseudomonda eubacterius, (X) otherwise known as (T and X) Bacteria X.
CRIMSON GUARD X-99 [Neil Ross]
I read you.
INT. HOSPITAL - LAB
DOCTOR [Michael Bell?]
What are you doing? You're Cobra!
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
And you're history!
DOCTOR
You don't know how dangerous....
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
No, you don't know how dangerous it'll be, when Cobra's through with it!
EXT. BIOMECHANICAL LAB - DAY
COBRA #1 [Michael Bell?]
Here comes one of the Crimson elite.
COBRA #2 [Bill Ratner]
Elite. Ah, we do all the work.
INT. BIOMECHANICAL LAB
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
Destro?
DESTRO
You have the bacteria. Good. You are dismissed.
DESTRO
Now it is just a germ, but soon it will be a conqueror of worlds. You're dismissed!
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
My orders are to remain, observe, and report your progress to the Crimson Guard Commanders.
DESTRO
I do not answer to them. Leave at once.
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
My orders come from Cobra Commander himself, in triplicate.
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
Elite trooper to Crimson Guard Commanders. Destro departed in anger. What are your instructions?
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) We cannot afford delays. Bring the bacteria here (X) at once. We can perform the tests at (X) Extensive Enterprises labs (T and X) and at half the cost.
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
I read you. Over and out.
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
Bacteria X. Hmm, what's this. Experimental growth serum. It might prove useful, too.
INT. BIOCHEMICAL LAB - MONITORING ROOM
TELE-VIPER
Security. Theft in progress.
EXT. BIOCHEMICAL LAB - DAY
COBRA #1
Leave him to us.
INT. BIOCHEMICAL LAB - GLIDER BAY
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
Don't try to impede me. I have my authorization!
COBRA #1
Yeah? We've got our authorization, too.
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
Don't fire, you fool! You might hit the vials!
EXT. BIOCHEMICAL LAB - DAY
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
Elite trooper to Hydrofoil! Cover me! I'm comin' in!
COBRA #3
I've been hit, but I'll do what I can!
COBRA #2
Blow him out of the air!
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
Stop, fool! We'll crash! Let go!
COBRA #1
Surrender the vials!
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
You low-ranked idiot!
COBRA #2
Look!
COBRA #1
The Water Moccasin! It's our only chance to escape!
COBRA #1
It won't start! C'mon, c'mon! Put these on fast!
COBRA #1
Dive!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
We've got a Code Ten from Colonel Sharp!
COL. SHARP
Just minutes ago, our recon satellite spotted this. This, uh, thing is moving downstate. Its nature and origin are unknown. The only thing we do know is that it absorbs everything in its path.
SHIPWRECK
No sweat, Colonel. There ain't a slimer made that we can't take out.
JOES
Yo Joe!
EXT. FARMLAND - DAY
ACE
Target your missiles. Fire!
ACE
What's goin' on?
DUSTY
The missiles must've been duds.
ACE
I don't like the look of that!
ACE
I'm hit. I'm here, but he darn near dealt me out. I've got to set her down.
ACE
Hey, pardner, do you mind if I borrow that old cropduster of yours?
FARMER #1 [Chris Latta]
As long as you don't bring it back lookin' like yours.
EXT. FARMLAND - DAY
FARMER #1
They say we're supposed to leave our homes. Must be another one of those land schemes.
FARMER #2
Emmie, I told you never to make that surprise stew again!
SCARLETT
Wow! That was too close!
SCARLETT
What's Ace doing in that thing?
DUSTY
He's tryin' to snuff the blob with insecticide.
SCARLETT
Let me go!
DUSTY
Snake-Eyes is right, Scarlett. That gas would overcome us just like it has Ace.
SCARLETT
We can't just leave him there.
AIRTIGHT
Are you all right, old buddy?
ACE
All right, no. Alive, yes.
AIRTIGHT
That's good enough. In the future, I suggest you leave the handling of deadly substances to experts, like me.
ACE
What deadly substance? The blob's still alive!
AIRTIGHT
What you refer to so crudely as a blob is in fact a bacterium.
FLINT
He just might be right. I traced its trail. It begins at a recently destroyed Cobra base.
ACE
It trashed a Cobra base? Maybe it's not such a bad germ after all.
SCARLETT
Yeah. It might just deserve a medal.
DUSTY
Where would you pin it?
AIRTIGHT
There's only one way to kill a germ.
EXT. USS FLAGG - DECK
ROADBLOCK
You mean he's gonna fly into the germ usin' that weird lookin' plane?
ACE
That's right. Biggest hypodermic in the world.
AIRTIGHT
Snake-Eyes, make sure the explosive is powerful enough. I want these antibiotics to get the widest possible dispersal within the germ.
EXT. USS FLAGG - DECK
FLINT
Good luck, Airtight.
ACE
I'll be right behind you.
AIRTIGHT
After your last two experiences with the germ, you better stay way behind me.
FLINT
And I want you two in constant radio contact.
AIRTIGHT
I can either carry out my mission, or I can listen to Ace's chatter. But I can hardly be expected to do both.
FLINT
Okay. Ace, keep down the chatter.
EXT. WILDERNESS - DAY
ACE
I still don't understand why you have to go into the germ.
AIRTIGHT
Ace, I have to bypass its defenses and reach its nucleus.
ACE
How you gonna do that?
AIRTIGHT
Don't worry about it. Just fly.
INT. GERM
AIRTIGHT
This is most enlightening.
ACE (COMM.)
What's it look like? Airtight?
EXT. WILDERNESS - DAY
ACE
Airtight, do you read me? Ace to base, something in the germ's neurological makeup must be interfering with our radio transmission.
INT. GERM
AIRTIGHT
Ace, I can hear you perfectly well. I was just ignoring you. And for your edification, germs don't have nerves.
EXT. WILDERNESS - DAY
ACE
Well, it was just a theory.
INT. GERM
AIRTIGHT
Ace, I'm under attack!
ACE (COMM.)
How can you be attacked inside a germ?
AIRTIGHT
We've got Cobra missiles in here, but I don't know where they came from!
ACE (COMM.)
How can that be?
AIRTIGHT
Save your questions 'til after class!
ACE (COMM.)
I've got orders from Flint. Scrub the mission. Fly outta there now!
AIRTIGHT
I can't fly! In fact, I can hardly steer! It's like trying to drive a car in Jell-O through a minefield!
ACE (COMM.)
Like what?
AIRTIGHT
I'm switchin' you off, Ace!
AIRTIGHT
Oh, no, not again!
AIRTIGHT
Corrosive enzymes. They're devouring the lab...and I'm dessert!
AIRTIGHT
The nucleus!
EXT. WILDERNESS - DAY
SCARLETT
What's happened to Airtight?
FLINT
There's no way of knowing. He cut radio contact.
DOCTOR
I must speak to your commanding officer. You must take me to him! I know things about that germ that you don't. I helped create it.
FLINT
I'm the commanding officer. Do you work for Cobra?
DOCTOR
No, no. I'm a doctor. That bacteria was created at my hospital. It was created as result of a misuse of antibiotics. It's a supergerm. Nothing known to man can stop it. In fact, your antibiotics might make it more powerful!
INT. GERM
EEL #2 (= Cobra #2)
What happened?
AIRTIGHT
Oh, no!
AIRTIGHT
My charges are set to go off in two minutes. Therefore, we have two alternatives. Either you let me pilot the ship, or we die.
CRIMSON GUARD X-99
Then we have no choice at all.
AIRTIGHT
The shock waves are propelling us!
EXT. WILDERNESS - DAY
FLINT
There's the explosion. The germ's receiving megadoses of antibiotics.
SCARLETT
But what about Airtight?
AIRTIGHT
Flint? Scarlett?
SCARLETT
Congratulations, Airtight!
FLINT
Welcome back! Looks like you were wrong about the antibiotics, Doctor.
ROADBLOCK
Yeah. That germ's doin' the squirm.
FLINT
I couldn't have put it better.
ROADBLOCK
Nobody could have.
DOCTOR
It's not dying. It's going through its process of mitosis.
DUSTY
Mitosis? What's that?
DOCTOR
Reproducing itself.
FLINT
Instead of one menace...
SCARLETT
...we have two. And look, one of them is headed straight for New York! Millions will die!
SCARLETT
What are we gonna do?
FLINT
Order an evacuation.
AIRTIGHT
It looks like I blew it.
ACE
Join the club.
SHIPWRECK
I still think we oughta try poisoning it somehow.
ACE
I tried that, remember?
SHIPWRECK
What we need is a candy coating.
ACE
What you need is a transfer.
AIRTIGHT
No, maybe he's got something. It should work. Poison in a candy coating.
DOCTOR
Of course! Apple seeds contain a tiny amount of poison.
SCARLETT
Poison?
DOCTOR
Only in the seeds. In small doses, it's harmless.
AIRTIGHT
But what about in large doses, say, an orchard full?
DOCTOR
It could be deadly.
EXT. FARMLAND - DAY
FLINT (COMM.)
Ace, this is Flint. Get the first germ into an orchard fast!
EXT. ORCHARD - DAY
FLINT (CONT.)
We'll worry about the second one. Okay, men, load those apple crates!
EXT. FARMLAND - DAY
DUSTY
If we can't even slow this creature down, how can we direct it toward an orchard?
ACE
You forget, Dusty, this thing doesn't care what it eats. It chows down on whatever's in front of it. We've got to take advantage of its mindlessness. Watch.
DUSTY
You did it! You got the germ to change direction!
ACE
Yeah, but not enough. The nearest apple orchard is a lot farther north. Do the C manuever. Drop your charges on command.
ACE
Steady, steady...now!
DUSTY
It's workin'!
SCARLETT
Oh, no! It didn't work!
ACE
It's weakened! It just wasn't a big enough dose.
DUSTY
Another orchard, if we can send the germ tumblin' down that hill.
SCARLETT
Oh, no! It's gonna split again!
EXT. ORCHARD - DAY
FLINT
Great, Ace! Now we gotta nail the other one!
EXT. ROAD TO NEW YORK - DAY
SHIPWRECK
What's the problem?
GREENSHIRT [Michael Bell]
Can't tell. Trail must be blocked up ahead.
SHIPWRECK
Hey, looks like we're stuck here a while.
COVER GIRL
Oh, brother.
FLINT
Tollbooth, we got a problem. Bring out the Bridgelayer.
SHIPWRECK
Kinda romantic out here, ain't it?
SHIPWRECK
Aw, come on. Give me a break.
COVER GIRL
With pleasure.
SHIPWRECK
Ow! Your point's well taken.
TOLLBOOTH
I hear you got a problem.
FLINT
Nothin' you can't handle, Tollbooth.
FLINT
Ace, we've been delayed. You've got to buy us some time to get in position.
EXT. WILDERNESS - DAY
ACE
You heard the man, team. Time for some delaying tactics.
DUSTY
But Ace, we haven't got any missiles left. How are we gonna slow that thing?
ACE
I still have one missile left.
DUSTY
You drowned the darn thing!
ACE
Don't count your money yet. It might be bluffing.
ACE
I'm really begininin' to hate this germ.
EXT. NEW YORK CITY - OUTSKIRTS
FLINT
Good. Ace delayed it long enough to get into position.
ROADBLOCK
Now this is what I call a good old-fashioned, high-tech food fight!
SHIPWRECK
I'm tired of waitin'. Where is it? Come on, you lousy coward! Come out and take your medicine! This is gonna be your Waterloo! Your Alamo! Your...
COVER GIRL
Shipwreck!
SHIPWRECK
Uh, just kiddin', big guy!
SHIPWRECK
Something's gotta stop it!
COVER GIRL
Why don't you try asking it for a date?
FLINT
We can't stop it! Everyone dive for the water!
COVER GIRL
Shipwreck, come on!
SHIPWRECK
Aw, this might be the one that does it! Uh, this might be the one!
COVER GIRL
If you leave now, I'll go out with you!
SHIPWRECK
Anchors aweigh!
SHIPWRECK
When are we gonna go out?
COVER GIRL
The sooner the better!
SHIPWRECK
What are we gonna do?
COVER GIRL
Go swimming!
SHIPWRECK
This is the best date I've had in weeks!
COVER GIRL
SkyStrikers!
SHIPWRECK
Now that's what I call timing!
FLINT
The germ left some disgusting stuff around here.
ROADBLOCK
Yeah, real disgusting.
ROADBLOCK
What have we got here? It must be a worm from the germ.
GUNG-HO
I guess that germ found Cobra as hard to swallow as we do.