SPELL OF THE SIREN

EXT. ADRIATIC SEA - USS FLAGG
FLINT
Welcome to the Adriatic. Don't say I never take you anywhere, Lady Jaye.
LADY JAYE
If this is your idea of a vacation, Flint, I'd hate to see where you'd take me on business.
DEEP SIX
Was that a joke?
TORPEDO
Hey Lady Jaye, ever ride rumble seat on a SHARC before?
LADY JAYE
Nope. Any tips, Torpedo?
TORPEDO
Yeah. Hang tight, and whatever you do...don't fall off!
LADY JAYE
Look at those sunken ships. It's a regular graveyard.
FLINT
Ancient history. Our job's finding out what Cobra's doing down here now.
BARONESS
This may be it.
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
You squandered a fortune on this project, Destro!
DESTRO
I assure you, Cobra Commander, we are on the verge of a momentous discovery.
COBRA COMMANDER
Tomax, Xamot, give this fool a lesson in economics.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Cost effectiveness over the long run (X) is achieved through careful management of short term cash flow.
DESTRO
Spare me your business school philosophy!
BARONESS
Temper, Destro. The Crimson Guard Commanders can be powerful allies or dangerous foes. It is unwise to provoke them.
BARONESS
We have gone to all this bother for a simple seashell?
DESTRO
No, Baroness. For the conch of the Sirens. Its music lured a thousand sailors to doom on the reef above. And in our hands....
DESTRO
What's going on?
EXT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE
EEL #1
It's G. I. Joe!
EEL #2
Battle stations!
FLINT
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE
DESTRO
Here! Get the conch to Cobra headquarters!
BARONESS
And you?
DESTRO
Someone has to show those fools how to fight!
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE - CORRIDOR
LADY JAYE
Going somewhere?
DEEP SIX
You dented my suit!
FLINT
Well, well, a big fish in a big bowl!
BARONESS
I must get to the escape pod!
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE - ESCAPE POD
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE - CORRIDOR
FLINT
You hurt?
LADY JAYE
Only my pride.
FLINT
What's this?
LADY JAYE
I don't know, but judging from how much the Baroness wanted what was in it, it must've been pretty important.
EXT. COBRA SKYSCRAPER - DAY
INT. COBRA SKYSCRAPER - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Say nothing, Baroness. I saw the entire catastrophe. Money wasted, Destro captured, and for what? For what?
BARONESS
This shell.
COBRA COMMANDER
A seashell? You're as mad as Destro! You should rot in prison with him!
BARONESS
You will not rescue him?
COBRA COMMANDER
He got himself into this, he can get himself out! You too! Now get out! Get out!
BARONESS
I wonder if Major Bludd will see it your way.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
DUKE
You did good, Flint. Destro's in the slammer.
SCARLETT
What was inside that oilskin wrapping you found?
DR. BLACKSTONE
Something quite deadly, Scarlett. The legendary conch of the Sirens.
COVER GIRL
The legendary whozit of what, Dr. Blackstone?
DR. BLACKSTONE
For centuries, Cover Girl, the music of the Sirens lured sailors onto the Black Reef in the Adriatic Sea. According to the writing on this oilskin, it served as a wrapping for a conch shell used by the ancient Sirens.
ROADBLOCK
They played the tune that made men swoon.
DR. BLACKSTONE
Exactly. Its soundwaves had a hypnotic effect on the male hormonal system. A man who hears the Sirens' song loses all will power.
FLINT
And Cobra has that weapon?
BREAKER
Duke, satellite feed from the Alaskan Security Net.
SCARLETT
Cobra! They're tapping the pipeline!
DUKE
We've got a job to do. Let's do it.
EXT. ALASKAN PIPELINE - DAY
MAJ. BLUDD
Careful, mates! Let's not lose a drop of that black gold, hear?
BARONESS
Major Bludd, I wish to make you a proposition. Together we can destroy G. I. Joe once and for all.
MAJ. BLUDD
And how exactly would we do that?
BARONESS
With this.
MAJ. BLUDD
A seashell? Gone a little bats, have you?
MAJ. BLUDD
Oh, no! It's the Joes!
DUKE
Yo Joe! Hit 'em high and hit 'em low!
MAJ. BLUDD
Rattlers, get into the air! Shoot them down!
WILD BILL
Just like a down-home turkey shoot!
FEMALE COBRA
What's happening to our men?
BARONESS
Well, well, well. It worked.
INT. COBRA SKYSCRAPER - THRONE ROOM
BARONESS
It worked, I tell you, just as Destro said it would. Do you realize what this means?
COBRA COMMANDER
It seems you have given me the perfect weapon against G. I. Joe.
BARONESS
You? Your decision to leave Destro in the hands of the Joes was the act of a petulant madman!
COBRA COMMANDER
Madman?
BARONESS
You are unfit to rule! The members of my family have been bred as rulers for centuries. The conch is mine, and I will use it to crush G. I. Joe!
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh? We shall see about that. Crimson Guard Commander!
COBRA COMMANDER
Treason! This is trea....
BARONESS
No, my former Commander. Not treason. It is destiny.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
FEMALE TELE-VIPER
Assault Group One to Baroness. All teams in position. We're ready to attack.
BARONESS
Destro, soon you will be free.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - INFIRMARY
SCARLETT
Oh, Duke.
LADY JAYE
Has Destro decided to talk?
DESTRO
I have nothing to discuss with G. I. Joe.
LADY JAYE
Perimeter alarm! We're under attack!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
LADY JAYE
Flint? Roadblock! They're paralyzed!
FEMALE GREENSHIRT #1
Hey, what's wrong?
FEMALE GREENSHIRT #2
Come on, let's get to our posts!
FEMALE GREENSHIRT #3
Forget 'em! Let's go! Cobra's inside the compound!
BARONESS
Slaves of the Siren song, now heed my voice. You have no will but my will. The Joe women are your enemies! Destroy them all!
LADY JAYE
Take cover!
SCARLETT
They're like robots!
LADY JAYE
All the men are...look!
SCARLETT
We've got to put them out of action!
COVER GIRL
But how without hurting them?
LADY JAYE
In that locker. It's stun gas.
COVER GIRL
I'll cover you. Go for it!
BARONESS (O.C.)
Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - CELL
DESTRO
Baroness! So, Cobra Commander finally decided I was worth rescuing.
BARONESS
He had nothing to do with it. I command Cobra now, thanks to this.
DESTRO
I always said you'd go far, my dear Baroness.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
SCARLETT
Come on!
DESTRO
Stun gas! We must retreat! This gas paralyzes!
BARONESS
Slaves, of the Siren song, retreat! Retreat!
SCARLETT
Duke? Oh, no, Duke!
LADY JAYE
Duke and Flint are in Cobra's power, Scarlett. Now it's up to us.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - BARONESS' HIDEOUT
DESTRO
It's good to be free. What are your plans, Baroness?
BARONESS
Piracy, Destro. Piracy on the land, in the air, on the sea!
DESTRO
The ancient Sirens would agree, I'm sure.
BARONESS
Strange, isn't it? The Joes fight even more efficiently under the Sirens' spell.
DESTRO
Because their minds are not clouded by their free will. You do their thinking for them.
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
DESTRO
What about our lunatic leader, Cobra Commander?
BARONESS
Look for yourself. Even under the spell of the Siren song I don't trust him. Better to keep him in prison.
DESTRO
And out of mischief. What of that cell? Who's in there?
BARONESS
One of the Crimson Guard Commanders. Tomax, I think. I can never keep their names straight. But neither of them can be trusted.
DESTRO
And where is his brother Xamot?
BARONESS
He has managed to elude me so far. But have no fear. My women will find him.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - SUNSET
WILD BILL
Durn lucky we were off base when those owl-hoots attacked Joe Headquarters, Rip Cord! Otherwise, our brains would be hog-tied like Duke and the boys!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
RECONDO [Michael Bell]
Got a fix on it, Lady Jaye! Duke's somewhere in this valley ahead of us! Uh-oh.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - BARONESS' HIDEOUT
WILD BILL
I think we've found the varmints' hideout!
EXT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - NIGHT
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - ENTRANCE
BARONESS
I want her alive.
BARONESS
Take her to the prison block. She can keep Cobra Commander company.
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
XAMOT
Wake up, Lady Jaye. You've been rescued.
LADY JAYE
You!
XAMOT
Truce! I'm on your side!
LADY JAYE
Why should I believe a Crimson Guard Commander?
XAMOT
Good question.
BARONESS
Xamot!
XAMOT
Perhaps you could judge me by the company I don't keep.
BARONESS
Guards, guards!
LADY JAYE
Let's get out of here!
EXT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - SUNRISE
INT. ESCAPE TUNNEL
EXT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - SUNRISE
XAMOT
Well, that takes care of that!
LADY JAYE
Wishful thinking is a problem with you, isn't it?
LADY JAYE
Heat seekers!
LADY JAYE
Head for that peak! Pull up!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - CONFERENCE ROOM
SCARLETT, COVER GIRL, AND LADY JAYE
(S) Now let's get this straight. You'll help us breach Cobra security (C) if we promise to leave with our forces (L) once we've rescued the Joes.
WILD BILL
Ah, hog slaw!
RECONDO
Why would you wanna help us?
XAMOT
I have my reasons. Trust me.
LADY JAYE
Suppose we do trust you. We still can't attack in force, or we'll hurt Flint and the others.
DR. BLACKSTONE
Perhaps this will help. A sonic pulsar designed to produce a musical counter-vibration. It could break the spell of the conch.
SCARLETT
And if it doesn't work?
DR. BLACKSTONE
Well, then the Joes will remain prisoners of the siren song for the rest of their lives.
SCARLETT
Well, it's worth a try.
LADY JAYE AND SCARLETT
Yo Joe!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT
DESTRO
But Baroness, the seashell is the leader, not you.
DESTRO
If you put me under the Sirens' spell, you'll have no one with whom to share your triumph. Only a madman like Cobra Commander would wish to rule alone when the two of us could rule together.
BARONESS
Destro, do you hear bells?
FEMALE COBRA
Baroness, we're under attack!
BARONESS
What?
DESTRO
The outer defenses?
FEMALE COBRA
Breached! It's Xamot, Baroness. He's leading the Joes against us.
INT. ESCAPE TUNNEL
LADY JAYE
I knew it couldn't last!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
COBRA COMMANDER
What? What am I doing here?
INT. ESCAPE TUNNEL
BARONESS
What are you waiting for? Destroy!
FLINT
You heard the lady. What are we waiting for?
LADY JAYE
Yo Joe!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) It's good to (X) see you, brother.
COBRA COMMANDER
Release me!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Hmm, I suppose (T) we should.
COBRA COMMANDER
Get me out of here, you fools!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
COBRA COMMANDER
The Baroness will pay for her treachery some day!
DESTRO
We've lost! Flee and fight again another day!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMISSARY
DR. BLACKSTONE
I want to study the conch, learn why it works.
SCARLETT
I'm afraid this thing's caused enough trouble. Lady Jaye?
DUKE
What'd you do that for?
SCARLETT
Just making the world safe for you men.
LADY JAYE
Somebody has to.