LASERS IN THE NIGHT

EXT. LECTURE HALL - NIGHT
PROFESSOR (O.C.)
The ancient Greeks believed in heroism.
INT. LECTURE HALL
PROFESSOR (CONT.)
Their legendary heroes battled against incredible odds, never giving up their ideals.
SANDY
Amber, this night class is a twelve on the yawn scale.
AMBER
Sandy, shh! This is interesting.
PROFESSOR
Next week, chapters two to six.
EXT. LECTURE HALL - NIGHT
SANDY
Who cares about old Greeks when this campus is packed with young hunks?
AMBER
Sandy, remember what the professor said? History is made by people who do things. What do I do? Nothing.
SANDY
Nothing? You're a candy striper, you run charity fairs, you even teach karate to kids. Come on! The full moon's out--the lover's moon. Are you gonna waste....
AMBER
Sandy, look at this. "G. I. Joe Martial Arts Exhibition." Those guys really do make history. Let's go watch.
SANDY
Not me. I'm going hunk hunting.
INT. MARTIAL ARTS EXHIBITION
QUICK KICK
Martial arts isn't just chopping and socking. It's a discipline that teaches total concentration.
AMBER
Yay, Quick Kick! Yo Joe!
QUICK KICK
Now, how 'bout some audience participation? Kung fu, anyone?
AMBER
Me! Oh, let me do it!
QUICK KICK
Fine with me, gorgeous. Don't worry. I'll go easy.
AMBER
Whatever you say.
QUICK KICK
I said I'd go easy!
AMBER
Yeah, but I didn't.
QUICK KICK
Say, you're my kind of girl. Where'd you learn those moves?
AMBER
Oh, I've been studying for....
QUICK KICK
Give you a hand?
AMBER
Uh, no thanks.
QUICK KICK
Yeah, that's my kind of girl.
QUICK KICK
Well, as they say in the movies, bu-di-bu-di-bu-di-that's all folks!
EXT. EXHIBITION HALL - HALLWAY
QUICK KICK
Gorgeous! Hey, gorgeous, wait!
AMBER
The name's Amber.
QUICK KICK
Okay. Amber.
EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - NIGHT
AMBER
You're good. I'm not easily tricked.
QUICK KICK
Perfection is something I've learned to live with. So, how about something to eat, then maybe a movie?
AMBER
You want to take me out?
QUICK KICK (as Humphrey Bogart)
Fred C. Dobbs don't say nothin' he don't mean. Humphrey Bogart, Treasure of the Sierra Madre.
INT. DANCE FLOOR
INT. BALLET
AMBER
Oh, isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
EXT. BASEBALL STADIUM
QUICK KICK
Go team!
INT. MARTIAL ARTS STUDIO
EXT. LAKE - NIGHT
AMBER
My roommate calls it a lover's moon.
QUICK KICK (as James Stewart)
W-w-what is it you want, Mary? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.
AMBER
John Wayne?
QUICK KICK
Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. Amber, what am I going to do with you?
AMBER
Uh, help me join the Joe Team?
QUICK KICK
You can't be serious.
AMBER
You help people every day. You do things that are important. I want to do that. I wanna be a Joe, like you.
QUICK KICK
So some Cobra can bash in your pretty face? Uh-uh.
AMBER
I can take care of myself. Besides, if you can handle Cobra, how dangerous can they be?
QUICK KICK
Plenty dangerous, Amber. Plenty.
EXT. SNAKE ISLAND - NIGHT
COBRA [Arthur Burghardt]
All right, just stand where you are. Take him back to Headquarters.
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
TELE-VIPER
The Joe spy has been identified as Gung-Ho, Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
Excellent. Keep him alive, for the moment.
BARONESS
Your laser lash is an impressive weapon, Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
A mere plaything, Baroness, but an amusing one. Come, I want to discuss something with you. I have need of a certain device which G. I. Joe has perfected, and which you must obtain for me.
EXT. ELECTRONICS LAB - NIGHT
DUKE
You see that big weenie roast down there? It used to be our electronics lab.
SCARLETT
What could've happened, Duke?
DUKE
That's what we're here to find out. Goin' down!
INT. ELECTRONICS LAB
VOICE (O.C.) [Mogan Lofting]
Lady Jaye! Lady Jaye! Help! Help!
LADY JAYE
Duke? Scarlett? Is that you?
BAZOOKA
Who's there? Duke! Scarlett!
BAZOOKA
Lady Jaye!
BAZOOKA
She's hurt!
EXT. ELECTRONICS LAB - NIGHT
DUKE
Everybody out, on the double!
SCARLETT
Look, a Rattler!
DUKE
Maybe Cobra was behind this. They're after our new guidance system. They didn't know we moved it to Joe Headquarters.
SCARLETT
They'll be back, you know.
DUKE
Yeah, and we'll be ready.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - INFIRMARY
"LADY JAYE"
I'll be fine, Duke. Honestly. I'm okay.
QUICK KICK
Get well, huh?
"LADY JAYE"
I am well. Really.
SCARLETT
Hope your new girlfriend does'nt hear about the flowers, Quick Kick.
QUICK KICK
The only flowers she'd be interested in would be those wrapped in enlistment papers.
SCARLETT
Huh?
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
SCARLETT
Duke wants us right away.
"LADY JAYE"
Something must be wrong.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - TUNNEL 13
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
Duke, intruder in Tunnel Thirteen, headin' for the map room.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - MAP ROOM
DUKE
Looking for something, friend? Let's see who Cobra sent after us this time.
QUICK KICK
Amber!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION ROOM
AMBER
Really, I just wanted to join the Joes!
"LADY JAYE"
So you thought you'd break in?
AMBER
Quick Kick, tell them!
QUICK KICK (as John Wayne)
Well, if you're askin' me, pilgrim, I think we oughta string her up.
DUKE
Next time you want to join the Joe Team, see your local recruiter, huh? End of crisis. Quick Kick, give her the nickel tour.
QUICK KICK
Okay, boss.
GUNG-HO
The hurry back. We've got trouble. Gung-Ho missed his last two check-ins.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - MAIN HANGAR
QUICK KICK
We're changing the security code on our SkyStrikers. No one, especially Cobra, can get past our defenses unless they know the code.
ALICE
And we change the security code every day. And that code is ten six nine.
QUICK KICK
That should cut down on uninvited guests.
AMBER
Like me, Quick Kick?
QUICK KICK
Amber, wait!
ALICE
How you feelin', Lady Jaye? I heard you had an accident.
"LADY JAYE"
Oh, I'm fine. How's my SkyStriker coming?
AMBER
Should be ready in an hour.
"LADY JAYE"
Perfect, Alice, just perfect.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - HALLWAY
QUICK KICK
Amber, please stop! You'll land us both in the guardhouse!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - MAP ROOM
Gung-Ho's last signal came from somewhere on Snake Island. We think he found the Cobra base he was looking for. Then Cobra found him.
DUKE
Amber, what are you doing here?
AMBER
I, um...
QUICK KICK
Sorry. Let's go Amber. You're down to the penny tour, now.
EXT. SNAKE ISLAND - NIGHT
DESTRO
Destro to Cobra Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
You're just in time, Destro, to witness my latest stroke of brilliance.
DESTRO
You planned an attack without informing me?
COBRA COMMANDER
Not an attack. Something more interesting.
DESTRO
What is that madman up to now?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - LAB
DOC
The long-range laser guidance system tested out, Duke.
DUKE
That's great, Doc. With this baby controlling a high-powered laser, you could shoot a gnat off the rings of Saturn.
QUICK KICK
Sorry, uh, thought you were still in the map room. Didn't know you were here.
"LADY JAYE"
I don't trust that girl.
QUICK KICK
Come on, Amber. I'll take you back to your sorority now.
DUKE
Your throat still bothering you, Lady Jaye?
"LADY JAYE"
Just a bit. Nothing to worry about.
DUKE
Have Doc check you out. I don't like the sound of it.
"LADY JAYE"
If you insist, Duke. Tomorrow?
DOC
Okay.
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes. Our spy has transmitted the Joes' security code. My Rattlers will now penetrate the Joe defenses with ease. The laser guidance system will soon be mine!
DESTRO
Cobra Commander, I demand to know your plan! Our agreement specifies that I supply all your weaponry.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
COBRA COMMANDER (V.O.)
I did not violate our agreement, Destro. And as for my plan, you will see it when the whole world does, tomorrow!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - OBSERVATION POST
GREENSHIRT [Michael Bell]
Breaker, Rattlers coming in fast!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - OBSERVATION POST
GREENSHIRT
How'd they get by our early warning system?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
A Cobra spy must've gotten our new code!
DUKE
Mobilize air defense. Scramble the SkyStrikers!
"LADY JAYE"
Roger!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - HALLWAY
QUICK KICK
Hey! Well excu-u-use me!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
BREAKER (V.O.)
Lady Jaye's on their tail.
DUKE (V.O.)
What about the other SkyStrikers?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
Out of commission. Lady Jaye's our only hope.
"LADY JAYE" (COMM.)
Duke, I have them in my...oh, no.
DUKE
What is it? What's wrong.
"LADY JAYE" (COMM.)
Two Rattlers behind me, Duke! I can't shake 'em!... I'm hit...engines on fire! Controls locked! I'm falling into the sea!
DUKE
Pull up, Lady Jaye! Pull up! Lady Jaye!
BREAKER
She...she's gone.
DUKE
Get every available Joe to the briefing room on the double! Especially Quick Kick!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - MAP ROOM
DUKE
Lady Jaye's SkyStriker went down. We may have lost her. Deep Six is heading the search operation. Cobra got our new security code. Our laser guidance system has also been stolen. We had a visitor tonight who overheard our defense codes and saw where the guidance system was kept. Quick Kick, the spy is Amber. I want her here now.
QUICK KICK
Like Mae West said, when women go wrong, men go right after them.
SCARLETT
I thought those two has something going. Doesn't he care that....
DUKE
Yeah, but he's not the type to show it. All right, the SkyStrikers'll be airworthy by dawn. That's when we hit Cobra.
EXT. SORORITY - NIGHT
INT. SORORITY
SANDY
Say, you're Amber's guy. You wouldn't have a brother with shoulders like yours, would you?
QUICK KICK
No. A sister. Where's Amber?
SANDY
In her room, I guess.
INT. SORORITY - AMBER'S ROOM
SANDY
Amber's would be the only neat bed. How embarrassing.
QUICK KICK
Hey, her telephone answering machine light is on.
SANDY
Sometimes she leaves us messages when she goes out.
QUICK KICK
Play it for me, will you?
SANDY
Sure.
EXT. SNAKE ISLAND - NIGHT
AMBER (ANSWERING MACHINE, V.O.)
Sandy, this is Amber. I'm heading for Snake Island. When Quick Kick shows up, don't let him know where I've gone. I'm afraid the Joes think I'm a Cobra spy. I have to prove I'm not. The only way I can think of to eliminate any doubt is to get inside the Cobra base and smash it by myself.
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
AMBER (CONT., ANSWERING MACHINE, V.O.)
Wish me luck.
INT. SORORITY - AMBER'S ROOM
AMBER (CONT., ANSWERING MACHINE)
I'm gonna need it.
QUICK KICK
Amber!
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
There, Destro. The ultimate laser. With the Joe laser guidance system fitted inside, I am ready to proceed.
DESTRO
Proceed with what?
COBRA COMMANDER
Watch and see for yourself.
COBRA SCIENTIST
Cobra Commander, an intruder.
DESTRO
Sieze her!
"LADY JAYE"
You.
AMBER
Me? What are you doing here?
"LADY JAYE"
I belong here, Amber. I work for Cobra.
AMBER
Lady Jaye? You're a Cobra agent?
"LADY JAYE"
I am, but I'm not Lady Jaye. You may call me...
BARONESS
...the Baroness. And call yourself a fool. Because the Joes thought you were the spy, they never saw me steal their laser guidance system.
EXT. SNAKE ISLAND - NIGHT
QUICK KICK
Snake Island. Where's Amber? There it is, I found her boat.
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CELL
LADY JAYE
Looks like we have a new guest.
AMBER
Lady Jaye!
LADY JAYE
Do you know this young lady, Gung-Ho?
GUNG-HO
I've never seen her before.
AMBER
I'm Amber, a friend of Quick Kick. Cobra Commander's about to do something terrible with a laser machine.
GUNG-HO
Well then, we gotta get outta here fast.
GUNG-HO
It's no use.
LADY JAYE
You wouldn't happen to have a hacksaw on you.
AMBER
No, but if Quick Kick can do it, so can I.
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
DESTRO
Baroness, what is this plan of the Commander's?
BARONESS
I don't know. He would tell me nothing.
EXT. SNAKE ISLAND - NIGHT
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Watch, everyone! Today is V-Day, V for victory! Very soon, the whole world will see the power of Cobra!
EXT. SNAKE ISLAND - NIGHT
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
DESTRO
Commander, I demand to know the meaning of this at once!
COBRA COMMANDER
See for yourself, Destro.
EXT. SNAKE ISLAND - NIGHT
COBRA OFFICER
Over there! Look, an intruder!
QUICK KICK
Uh-oh.
QUICK KICK
Have a nice trip! Be sure to write!
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
QUICK KICK
Amber, are you in here?
QUICK KICK
Where is she?
COBRA COMMANDER
Stop him before he ruins my plan!
BARONESS
He's here for the girl we captured.
QUICK KICK
Amber's here! She's still alive! Nothing can stop me now, you snakes!
QUICK KICK
I love it when a plan comes together!
QUICK KICK
How do you turn this fool thing on?
QUICK KICK (as James Cagney)
All right, all right. You got me. You dirty rats!
COBRA COMMANDER
I wouldn't make jokes if I were you. Take a look at that screen! No longer will people see the Man in the Moon each night. Instead, they'll see my face and know that Cobra is undefeatable!
QUICK KICK
Oh, no.
DESTRO
This is your brilliant scheme, Commander? You wasted millions on this...this cosmic graffiti?
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CELL
COBRA OFFICER
Hey, where are the other prisoners?
AMBER
Oh, they got bored and left.
COBRA OFFICER
What do you mean left? Where the devil are they?
LADY JAYE
This should come in handy. Shall we be going?
INT. SNAKE ISLAND BASE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Observe! Each night the face of terror will shine upon every nation on the globe!
LADY JAYE
Hold it! Nobody moves and nobody gets hurt!
QUICK KICK
Amber, you're alive!
AMBER
You came for me?
QUICK KICK
Well, I had nothin' else to do. There were no good movies playin', so I....
COBRA COMMANDER
Stop them! Destroy them!
QUICK KICK
Better hang onto this. I might need it.
COBRA COMMANDER
Destro, wait for me! Don't leave me here!
QUICK KICK
They're getting away! Follow them!
EXT. SNAKE ISLAND - NIGHT
DESTRO
You're a fool, Commander. If not for your mad scheme, we would still control Snake Island.
COBRA COMMANDER
Everyone is against me!
QUICK KICK
Don't worry, we'll head 'em off!
GUNG-HO
Go get 'em, Quick Kick!
DESTRO
The fool's following us! Split up!
QUICK KICK
You should've stayed with the others.
AMBER
And miss all the action?
QUICK KICK
What am I gonna do with you, Amber?
AMBER
Quick Kick, watch out!
DESTRO
Say your prayers, love birds.
QUICK KICK
My Dragonfly's hit!
QUICK KICK
Oh, this must be heaven. I'm in the arms of an angel.
AMBER
You soon will be if we don't run like the devil!
AMBER
Quick Kick, snakes!
QUICK KICK
That's what you gotta face when you're a G. I. Joe. Don't move. I'll be with you in a second. I think I've finally got this thing figured out.
AMBER
Oh, Quick Kick!
QUICK KICK
Not yet, Amber! Look!
QUICK KICK
Hey, SkyStrikers!
DUKE
It looks like we showed up just in time.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
DUKE (V.O.)
Cobra Commander, Destro, and Baroness flew the coop.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - MAP ROOM
DUKE (CONT.)
But we got their weapons and their men. Sorry we pegged you for a spy, Amber.
AMBER
I certainly gave you reason enough. I did everything wrong.
DUKE
Well, Amber, if you still wanna be a Joe, we'd be proud to have you.
AMBER
Oh, I do, more than anything! But I think I've had enough excitement for a while. Maybe after I finish school?
DUKE
Any time, Amber. Any time.
JOES
Yo Joe!
EXT. LAKE - NIGHT
QUICK KICK
I did a little fix-up work on the moon with Cobra's laser machine. What do you think?
AMBER (as Bette Davis)
Oh, Jerry, don't ask for the moon. We have the stars.
QUICK KICK
Jerry? Who's Jerry?
AMBER
I'm doing Bette Davis from the movie Now, Voyager.
QUICK KICK
Huh?
AMBER
Oh, Quick Kick, what am I gonna do with you?