THE VIPER IS COMING

EXT. FIREHOUSE - DAY
INT. FIREHOUSE
SCARLETT
You did a great job renovating this old firehouse, Barbecue. I, uh, hope it's still standing after the party.
BARBECUE
Yeah, but it's too neat. I want to antique it a little.
BARBECUE
Hope my flameburger's hot enough for ya.
SCARLET
It sure is, if you like boiled punch.
GREENSHIRTS
Get the ball! Watch it! We've got him outnumbered! Keep him from the basket!, etc.
ROADBLOCK
Block me in, you gonna lose your skin!
LADY JAYE
I don't believe I've ever seen this dance before.
FOOTLOOSE
Alpine, are you sure this is gonna work?
ALPINE
Trust me, Footloose. I'll make a climber out of you even if it kills you.
FOOTLOOSE
What?
GREENSHIRT [Frank Welker]
Okay, we've got him cornered! Now get the ball!
ROADBLOCK
I'm burnin' to give you some learnin'!
GREENSHIRTS
Ouch! Ow! Hey! Watch it!, etc.
ROADBLOCK
Oops!
BARBECUE
Guess I won't be needin' that window cleaned.
ALPINE
Uh-oh.
SCARLETT
Yikes!
BARBECUE
Well, looks like my party's a success.
BARBECUE
Hello?
THE VIPER (PHONE)
Mister Barbecue? This is the Viper.
BARBECUE
The Viper? I couldna heard ya right.
THE VIPER (PHONE)
The Viper is coming. Five seventy-five.
SCARLETT
Barbecue, who was it?
BARBECUE
Some guy who says he's the Viper.
LADY JAYE
Well, what did he say?
BARBECUE
"The Viper is coming. Five seventy-five."
SCARLETT
That's it?
BARBECUE
To the word.
ROADBLOCK
You think it's a message from Cobra?
SCARLETT
Got to be!
GUNG-HO
A code?
SCARLETT
It's a challenge. They're telling us where their next big attack will be.
ROADBLOCK
But they think we won't figure out the code in time.
LADY JAYE
But why would they take the chance?
SCARLETT
I don't know. Burn it back to Headquarters, guys.
BARBECUE
And don't forget to take a burger with ya!
BARBECUE
Hey! How 'bout leavin' one for the chef?
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
SCARLETT (V.O.)
"The Viper is coming. Five seventy-five."
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BARBECUE
What if those are the latitude and longitude?
LADY JAYE
Hmm. Let's see. Five degrees East, seventy-five degrees South.
BARBECUE
Antarctica!
LADY JAYE
Barbecue, I think you've got it.
BARBECUE
Oh, naturally it would have to be the South Pole. They must know how I hate cold weather.
EXT. ANTARCTICA - DAY
SCARLETT
Chock full of nothing!
ROADBLOCK
What can Cobra attack down here?
BARBECUE
Whatever it is, they can have it.
ALPINE
Footloose, what's that up ahead?
FOOTLOOSE
Uh, just a rock.
ALPINE
It'll look great in my collection.
FOOTLOOSE
What makes you think so? Doesn't look like much here.
ALPINE
You got a point. But after comin' all this way, I wanna go back with somethin'.
ALPINE
What?
SCARLETT
What the...
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - ELEVATOR
GUNG-HO
...devil is goin' on here?
LADY JAYE
I've got a feeling...
BARBECUE
We're in big trouble.
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - LOBBY
ROBOT
Welcome....
BARBECUE
What's this?
GUNG-HO
Hold it right there.
ROBOT
...to the Cobra Rest and Recreation Base Number Three. Volleyball, table tennis, and swimming are available in the Cobra Commander Gymnasium. Lunch will be served in the Destro Dining. The floor show starts promptly at seven thirty P.M. in the Zartan Entertainment Center. Tonight we feature the Cobra Cuties. Enjoy your stay. Oh, and no tipping, please.
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - GYMNASIUM
LADY JAYE
So this is the Cobra Commander Gymnasium.
GUNG-HO
Uh-oh.
BARBECUE
Volleyball, anyone?
LADY JAYE
Barbecue, this is getting heavy!
BARBECUE
No question about it, I'm not joinin' this gym!
LADY JAYE
I don't know. We're getting a pretty good workout!
COBRA
Get those Joes!
BARBECUE
We need to give ourselves a little advantage.
BARBECUE
Time for a bath, you eels!
EXT. COBRA R & R BASE - LOBBY
RECREATION DIRECTOR [Michael Bell?]
There must be more Joes up topside!
EXT. COBRA R & R BASE - DAY
SCARLETT
Firebats!
ROADBLOCK
Guess it's time to tame the flame!
SNOW SERPENT
Snowpedoes! Let's split!
SCARLETT
Ace, do you read me, Ace? We're up to our goggles in Snow Serpents!
ACE
Read you, Scarlett. Pest removal is on the way!
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - GYMNASIUM
BARBECUE
This sofa ain't much, but at least it's fireproof!
LADY JAYE
Too bad it's not laser proof!
EXT. COBRA R & R BASE - DAY
ACE
Uh-oh. Looks like Cobra's dealin' from the bottom of the deck!
ACE
I'll cash in their chips. You guys give the Snow Serpents the royal flush.
SCARLETT
Get 'em, Joes!
ALPINE
I'll take that! Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself!
ACE
Cobra just went bust.
SCARLETT
Gung-Ho, Barbecue, and Lady Jaye are down there somewhere. Yo Joe!
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - GYMNASIUM
SCARLETT
Cobra! Drop your weapons!
BARBECUE
Glad you guys could make it.
SCARLETT
Five seventy-five. So the message made sense, but the situation doesn't.
ROADBLOCK
What do you mean, Scarlett?
SCARLETT
Think about it, guys. Why would Cobra send us a message that leads us right to one of their own R & R bases?
RECREATION DIRECTOR
Send you a message? I would never send you a message, you...you spoilsports!
EXT. FIREHOUSE - DAY
BARBECUE (V.O.)
But if Cobra didn't send that message, then who did?
INT. FIREHOUSE
SCARLETT
The Viper did.
BARBECUE
Yeah, but who's the Viper?
SCARLETT
You're asking me?
BARBECUE
Yes?
THE VIPER (PHONE)
This is the Viper. I come on Friday, west corner.
EXT. WETS POINT - PARADE
ROADBLOCK
West Point, the US Military Academy. But why are we pickin' this place out?
SCARLETT
Well, the Viper said "west corner," and corner could mean point.
ROADBLOCK
You know, I'm not sure whether there's more brass in the bands or in the stands.
SCARLETT
The brass in the stands is what worries me. They'd sure make a tempting target for Cobra. We've gotta warn the tank jockeys.
SCARLETT
Commander....
SCARLETT
Major Bludd!
MAJ. BLUDD
Start the attack! Get Senator Roberts and General Grant! They'll make mighty good hostages for Cobra.
JOES
Yo Joe!
FOOTLOOSE
We gotta cut 'em off from the bleachers!
MAJ. BLUDD
Cobra!
MAJ. BLUDD
Bloody dogs! Blow the Joes to smithereens!
ROADBLOCK
Footloose, get me next to the lead tank!
FOOTLOOSE
You got it!
SCARLETT
Form a circle around the tanks!
MAJ. BLUDD
Now I know how Custer felt!
SCARLETT
Footloose, look out!
COBRA
Tough luck, my beauty.
SCARLETT
Oh, look out behind you!
COBRA
You expect me to fall for that old gag?
SCARLETT
Good work, cadet! Thanks!
CADET
Our pleasure, ma'am.
ROADBLOCK
How we doin' here, Footloose?
FOOTLOOSE
We ain't gonna be doin' nothin' if we don't get some help fast!
SCARLETT (in a Southern accent)
Hey, big boy!
CADET
Wow, that's some kinda soldier.
CADETS
Yo Joe!
ROADBLOCK
Lay down your weapons, Cobra!
COBRA OFFICER
Never! It'd take ten of you to every one of us!
SCARLETT
Would you believe fifty to one?
MAJ. BLUDD
Time to exit, I believe.
SCARLETT
It's all over, Cobras. You can't win. You're outnumbered. We'll give you five seconds to surrender.
SCARLETT
One...two...three...four...five!
COBRA #1
We give up!
COBRA #2
We surrender!
COBRA #3
Don't shoot!
EXT. FIREHOUSE - SUNSET
INT. FIREHOUSE
SCARLETT
This day has been too much! Let me rest my feet for a minute. Then I'm going straight home and right to bed.
SCARLETT
Well, aren't you gonna get it?
BARBECUE
Don't look at me. I've had it with phones today.
SCARLETT
Hello.
THE VIPER (PHONE)
The Viper is coming tomorrow. Top floor first.
SCARLETT
Who are you?
THE VIPER (PHONE)
The Viper. I am the Viper. Bye.
BARBECUE
Well?
SCARLETT
We've gotta go back to Headquarters. The Viper strikes again.
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
SCARLETT
Come in, Wild Bill. Do you read me? Over!
WILD BILL
Loud and clear, Scarlett! I got this here Extensive Enterprises tower scoped out. But from where I sit, she's mighty peaceful.
BARBECUE
What do you think, Scarlett? The Viper only said "top floor first." He didn't say which top floor, or which building.
SCARLETT
Well, the Extensive tower is the tallest building in the world. So there's no top floor that'll top that one.
BARBECUE
Guess it's worth takin' a look inside.
SCARLETT
Back us up, Roadblock.
ROADBLOCK
You got it.
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
DESTRO
The Joes are intercepting our every move! This Viper must be tipping them off! You, Major Bludd are the most likely candidate.
MAJ. BLUDD
Me, the Viper? Do you realize how close I came to bein' captured by those G. I. Joe blokes?
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) He can't be (T) the Viper. (X) Blood's been with us (T) constantly for the (X) last twenty-four hours!
DESTRO
Say nothing more, or I will suspect you, too.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T and X) Oh, come now. (X) Do you have any idea (T) of all the man hours involved in (X) financing, (T) planning, (T and X) and building a new Cobra R & R center? (T) Why would we tell the Joes where we are located?
COBRA
We're surrounded by G. I. Joes!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) The Viper (X) has struck again!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - LOBBY
SCARLETT
So far, so good.
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - ELEVATOR
BARBECUE
Let's see what's on this top floor.
SCARLETT
Look!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
BREAKER
Something's gone wrong.
ROADBLOCK
Let's go!
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - LOBBY
ZARTAN
Hello, Joes!
ROADBLOCK
Roadblock to Wild Bill! We have entered the building and....
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
WILD BILL
Come back., Roadblock! Your transmission was garbled!
WILD BILL
Oh, dangit! Where'd he come from?
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - ELEVATOR
DESTRO
Well, if isn't little Scarlett O'Hara!
SCARLETT (in a Southern accent)
Why Destro, I do declare! Don't tell me you're the little ol' Viper!
DESTRO
No. I am not the Viper. But we will soon find out who is. Disarm these foolish G I Joes!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
WILD BILL
Surprise!
WILD BILL
Dangit! Another one!
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
DESTRO
The time has come to get to the bottom of this Viper business.
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
DESTRO
This little game will now come to an end!
DESTRO
Drop that weapon!
XAMOT
My hand!
SCARLETT
Barbecue! Snake-Eyes! Over here!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
ALPINE
Come on, Footloose. We've gotta get up there some time this week!
FOOTLOOSE
I'm comin'. I'm comin'.
ALPINE
Well, move it, or we're gonna be street pizzas in no time flat.
ALPINE
Here comes a rerun!
ALPINE
Uh-oh.
COBRA
Bye-bye, G. I. Joe!
WILD BILL
Hey, you guys need a lift?
FOOTLOOSE
No thanks, Wild Bill! We got everything under...
FOOTLOOSE
...control!
WILD BILL
Yeah, I guess you do!
ALPINE
Onward and upward!
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
SCARLETT
Barbecue, this is getting serious!
BARBECUE
Yeah, we could use a little help!
FOOTLOOSE
All you had to do was ask!
XAMOT
The escape shaft, quick!
MAJ. BLUDD
All right, let's pack it in!
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - LOBBY
GREENSHIRTS
Yo Joe!
COBRA
Zartan, we're outnumbered! We must surrender!
ZARTAN
Surrender? Zartan never surrenders!
COBRA
Yeah, well that's easy for you to say. We give up! We're through!
ROADBLOCK
All right, enough! They've had it!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
SCARLETT
Well, what's he got to say?
BARBECUE
Nothin' he doesn't know who the Viper is.
ROADBLOCK
Destro and Major Bludd don't know.
BARBECUE
And the Twins don't know, either.
SCARLETT
I'm beginning to wonder if the Viper even knows who he is.
EXT. FIREHOUSE - SUNRISE
INT. FIREHOUSE
BARBECUE
Hello?
THE VIPER (PHONE)
This is the Viper. I be there at noon today. Be ready.
EXT. FIREHOUSE - NOON
SCARLETT
Twelve noon, straight up.
ROADBLOCK
Look!
THE VIPER
Mister Barbecue?
BARBECUE
I'm Barbecue.
THE VIPER
I'm the Viper. I've come to vipe your vindows. Five seventy-five an hour. I start on west corner, top floor first.