SATELLITE DOWN

EXT. SPACE - EARTH ORBIT
BREAKER (V.O.)
Diagnostics complete. All circuits are functional.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
BREAKER (CONT., V.O.)
And now we can keep an eye on Cobra wherever that snake is.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
FLINT
What's that, Breaker?
BREAKER
I don't know. Somethin's pullin' the satellite out of orbit.
FLINT
Not something. Somebody. Cobra.
EXT. SPACE - EARTH ORBIT
INT. COBRA BASE - CONTROL ROOM
DESTRO
And now, Commander, we have complete control of G. I. Joe's spy satellite.
COBRA COMMANDER
Excellent. They shall soon see who has the superior technology.
EXT. SPACE - EARTH ORBIT
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
It's no good, Flint. Cobra's ray is overriding my controls. We're losin' her!
FLINT
Then scrub the mission. Bring the bird down.
INT. COBRA BASE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Destro, something's wrong. We no longer have control.
DESTRO
But neither do they. They have forced re-entry. Track the satellite and deploy troops to the landing site. We'll steal it from them on the ground.
EXT. UPPER ATMOSPHERE - OVER AFRICA
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
It's headin' for Africa.
FLINT
Give me an expanded view.
BREAKER
Well, Cobra doesn't have the satellite.
FLINT
The problem is, neither do we. Look, if we have anyone in that landing sector, flash 'em a Code Red. And warn 'em they're on their own until we can get there.
EXT. AFRICAN JUNGLE - DAY
SPIRIT
Dusty, this is Spirit. Flint reports our satellite has crashed in this unexplored region.
DUSTY
Yeah, roger on that, Spirit, but I know a little about this territory. There was an expedition in here about twenty years ago. The explorers were never seen again.
SPIRIT
No survivors?
DUSTY
Uh, one, fellow named MacIntosh. But by the time they found him, he wasn't really playin' with a full deck. They say he came back here to live like a hermit.
SPIRIT
Dusty, I'm picking up something hot on the infrared scan.
EXT. JUNGLE HUT - DAY
DUSTY
I read it, and it's no barbecue.
SPIRIT
That's Storm Shadow!
DUSTY
You can be sure if it's Cobra, he's up to some snaky trick.
SPIRIT
We must land, and help him clean up his act.
STORM SHADOW
I felt your presence, Spirit.
SPIRIT
And now, you shall feel my wrath.
DUSTY
Forget the wrath, Spirit. I've got a laser.
VOICE (O.C.)
Help!
SPIRIT
Someone is in the cabin.
DUSTY
You go. I'll watch our masked friend here.
STORM SHADOW
Cobra!
DUSTY
Okay, Stormie. Let's see your kung-fool!
STORM SHADOW
I'd finish you, Joe, but that would deprive me of the opportunity to humiliate you again someday.
DUSTY
He pulled some o' that ninja hocus pocus on me.
SPIRIT
No matter. We shall meet again, soon.
EXT. AFRICAN JUNGLE - DAY
LADY JAYE
Cobra's got a big head start.
MACINTOSH [John Stephenson?]
It doesn't matter. They'll never get past the primords.
LADY JAYE
Primords?
SPIRIT
Mythical human creatures more ape than man.
MACINTOSH
Mythical, huh? Well, then they mythically wiped out my whole expedition!
DUSTY
Expedition? Well then, holy macaroni, you're MacIntosh,the hermit!
MACINTOSH
MacIntosh I am, but I'm no hermit. I just live in an out-of-the-way neighborhood.
EXT. RAVINE - DAY
DUSTY
That first step is mighty big. I hope you all tested this bridge.
FLINT
Not yet. We were just....
LADY JAYE
Just about to do that!
DUSTY
That Lady Jaye's got guts, Flint. You like girls with guts?
FLINT
Professionally, yes. Personally, I'd like to see her stick around a while longer.
SPIRIT
Cobra Trubble Bubbles.
FLINT
And CLAWs!
DUSTY
Yo Joe!
LADY JAYE
I hate high places!
MACINTOSH
I hate bein' a duck in a shootin' gallery!
LADY JAYE
And I hate falling!
MACINTOSH
Fallin's okay! It's landin' that gets ya!
FLINT
Lady Jaye! No!
DUSTY
Don't fret, Flint. She's a survivor.
FLINT
Yeah, and we don't have time to worry. We got a mission to complete. Radio for the Bridgelayer.
DUSTY
The snakes are slitherin' back to their den.
EXT. RIVER - DAY
SPIRIT
Freedom, old friend. I am glad to see you.
LADY JAYE
I'd be gladder if I knew where we were. Any idea, MacIntosh.
MACINTOSH
Nay, but I'll figure it out sooner or later.
SPIRIT
The satellite is somewhere west of us. If we find it, Flint will find us.
INT. COBRA BASE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Storm Shadow, what is your progress?
STORM SHADOW
I sense an extremely disturbing presence, Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
I'm not interested in what you sense! I want that satellite!
DESTRO
Storm Shadow has extraordinary intution. I would not dismiss it lightly.
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
SPIRIT
Interesting. A cutting stone. My ancient ancestors made tools like this.
LADY JAYE
But we're looking for a satellite, Spirit. Not artifacts.
SPIRIT
You do not understand. This tool was made recently.
STORM SHADOW
Attack!
CRIMSON GUARDS
Cobra!
MACINTOSH
Thanks partner. I didna think I still had it in me.
MACINTOSH
Primords. We need no' worry. They're only mythical!
LADY JAYE
I've seen this kind of creature in museums, but these are a lot more lifelike, and a lot less friendly.
SPIRIT
Fly, mighty one. Seek those who can aid us.
STORM SHADOW
There is a time to fight and a time to flee. It is wise to know the difference.
EXT. RAVINE - DAY
FLINT
Time! It's taking too much time!
DUSTY
Relax, Flint. Rome wasn't built in a day.
FLINT
Who needs Rome? All I want is one lousy bridge! I'm sorry, Dusty. I guess I'm worried about Lady Jaye.
DUSTY
It's okay. We all are.
EXT. PRIMORD VILLAGE - DAY
LADY JAYE
They may be primitives, but they make a good grade of rope. Maybe a little too good.
SPIRIT
This is a sacred place to them, a place of worship.
MACINTOSH
Well, I'm glad it isn't their kitchen.
STORM SHADOW
This is not an honorable way for a warrior to meet his end!
LADY JAYE
Then it should suit you perfectly.
STORM SHADOW
You shall suffer for that insult.
SPIRIT
The satellite.
STORM SHADOW
Why have they painted it like that?
MACINTOSH
They think it's a god! The blinkin' lights are its eyes, flashin' with anger!
LADY JAYE
Anger? Uh, at anyone we know?
MACINTOSH
Put it this way. If you've got anything against human sacrifice, this would be a good time to leave.
LADY JAYE
You know, fellas, it doesn't have to be ladies first!
EXT. RAVINE - DAY
EXT. JUNGLE -DAY
DUSTY
Somethin' mighty big went down here. From the laser burns on those trees, I'd bet Cobras and Joes were involved.
FLINT
Maybe Lady Jaye did make it!
DUSTY
What the... Flint! Over there!
DUSTY
It's Freedom! Where's Spirit?
DUSTY
Where's your master?
FLINT
Easy, Dusty. It's just a bird. It can't answer you.
DUSTY
That bird wants us to follow him.
FLINT
Maybe he does. Let's go!
EXT. PRIMORD VILLAGE - SUNSET
LADY JAYE
Okay, it's true! I admit it! I use a hair rinse. Can I go now?
SPIRIT
Storm Shadow, unless we work together, we shall not live to resolve our differences.
STORM SHADOW
Agreed. We must unite against our common foe. Then, one day I alone will defeat you.
SPIRIT
Freedom!
LADY JAYE
Sorry. Can't stay for the final act, but we've got a satellite to catch.
LADY JAYE
I think we've worn out our welcome.
LADY JAYE
Why?
SPIRIT
A debt of honor. And we shall need all the help we can get. As my tribal shaman would say, let us depart this condition of being.
LADY JAYE
In other words, let's split!
SPIRIT
Follow the path of least resistance!
MACINTOSH
Watch out!
SPIRIT
Yo Joe!
LADY JAYE
Never thought I'd be rootin' for Storm Shadow. Let's get outta here!
LADY JAYE
Aw, give me a break!
MACINTOSH
It's their kids!
LADY JAYE
Storm Shadow, no!
LADY JAYE
What have you done? They're just children!
STORM SHADOW
They are enemies! Such ridiculous compassion for your foes is the Joe Team's fatal weakness! Our alliance ends now!
LADY JAYE
Thanks, but you can't stop 'em all!
FLINT
Yo Joe!
LADY JAYE
Flint!
FLINT
That's it, boys!
FLINT
Lady Jaye, I...I was worried about you.
LADY JAYE
Well, that doesn't exactly make me unhappy, you know.
DUSTY
Spirit! Good to see you.
DUSTY
I don't believe it! There really are primords!
MACINTOSH
Nay. It's probably just the heat gettin' to ya.
SPIRIT
The primords found the satellite, and Cobra now knows where it is.
DUSTY
Yeah, well, Cobra's the least of our worries at the moment.
FLINT
Everybody, watch it!
SPIRIT
The boy must be the chief's son.
PRIMORD CHIEF
Orto. Orto!
PRIMORD CHIEF
Orto!
FLINT
Orto? What's it mean?
LADY JAYE
It means "Thank you." I saved his son's life, so we're friends now. I think.
FLINT
Well, good, 'cause we're gonna need friends.
EXT. PRIMORD VILLAGE - NIGHT
FLINT
Yo Joe!
JOES
Yo Joe!
STORM SHADOW
Attack! Cobra!
PRIMORD
Orto. Orto! Yo Joe!
DUSTY
Huh?
PRIMORD
Yo Joe! Yo Joe!
DUSTY
Say, chief, I think you've got the right idea!
STORM SHADOW
Cobra!
STORM SHADOW
This weapon was centuries old!
SPIRIT
And now it is broken, as your code of honor was broken when you deserted us.
STORM SHADOW
No man accuses Storm Shadow of that, you least of all!
LADY JAYE
Mind if I borrow this for a minute?
LADY JAYE
That is called teamwork.
PRIMORD
Yo Joe!
FLINT
Right. Yo Joe. And orto! Thanks!
DUSTY
Flint! Up there!
FLINT
You wouldn't want to leave so soon! The fun's just beginning!
CRIMSON GUARD
Sorry, Joe! This FANG's not big enough for the both of us! So long, Joe!
STORM SHADOW
This...is not...our...time!
STORM SHADOW
But there will be another time, that I promise!
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
LADY JAYE
You know, Flint, I'm not sure Headquarters is going to be all that happy with the way you busted up their satellite.
DUSTY
No sweat, Lady Jaye. All the data is safely inside these computer chips.
SPIRIT
It is the primords who should be upset. We dismantled their god.
LADY JAYE
I just hope they're happy with the replacement we left them.
FLINT
And I hope they won't decide to worship it.
SPIRIT
Do not fear. The primords are creatures of nature. They will know what to do with it.
INT. PRIMORD HUT
TOOTHBRUSHES (singing)
For whiter teeth, it can't be beat!
For fresher breath, it's the best!
For healthier gums, go getcha some
Happy Fresh Toothpaste today!
PRIMORD VILLAGE - CHIEF'S HUT
PRIMORD CHIEF
Yo Joe!
PRIMORDS
Yo Joe! Yo Joe! Yo Joe! Yo Joe! Yo Joe! Yo....