COUNTDOWN FOR ZARTAN

EXT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - TRAINING GROUNDS
BUZZER
All right, trainees. You've got work to do if you expect to join Cobra's army.
TORCH
No, no, no, me boy! That will never do! Watch!
TORCH
Destroy the foundation, and the rest comes tumblin' down.
RIPPER
All right, stop it! Stop, you want results? Use tracer ammo, like this!
BUZZER
This is plastic explosive. Catch!
BUZZER
By itself, nothing happens. But...if you add a detonating device, and set the timer... watch out!
STORM SHADOW
To be a ninja warrior, you must have perfect balance. Do as I do.
STORM SHADOW
Rise. Try again.
COBRA TRAINEE
Impossible! We can't do that!
BUZZER
Who'd want to?
TORCH
You look like a bunch o' bloomin' storks!
RIPPER
You want to learn some real tricks, come with us.
TORCH
This old, unused tank'll do. Go to it, Buzzer.
BUZZER
Gladly, mate.
TORCH
Here, now. Look at Ripper.
COBRA TRAINEE
Impossible! Like it was a sardine!
TORCH
You've had your fun, lads. My turn now.
TORCH
With our weapons, we Dreadnoks are unbeatable.
STORM SHADOW
Anyone can use a weapon, but the ninja is a weapon. Behold!
RIPPER
He ain't so tough.
TORCH
Blimey!
EXT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - ROOF
"COBRA COMMANDER"
An impressive display.
DESTRO
Of the ninja's power, yes. But the Dreadnoks are useless. Their only loyalty is to the gold their sniveling master Zartan pays them.
INT. COBRA ZIGGURAT
"COBRA COMMANDER"
Zartan and his Dreadnoks are far more loyal and valuable to me than you are, Destro.
DESTRO
How can you say that, Commander? They are fools!
COBRA COMMANDER
Greetings, Destro.
DESTRO
What? But if you're in here, Commander, then who....?
COBRA COMMANDER
Very convincing, Zartan.
ZARTAN
Who plays the fool now, Destro?
DESTRO
One day, Zartan, you will push me too far!
COBRA COMMANDER
Enough of this bickering. There are more important things. This is the Worldwide Defense Center. Their goal is to end terrorism.
DESTRO
I am already well aware of it.
COBRA COMMANDER
Scientists from around the world have gathered to feed all their information about terrorism into the defense center's computers.
DESTRO
That could threaten Cobra's very existence. Have they finished programming yet?
COBRA COMMANDER
No. They still await the arrival of Dr. Mettier of France. We must act now. Zartan, is your plan ready?
ZARTAN
Of course, Cobra Commander.
DESTRO
You'd entrust such a vital mission to him?
COBRA COMMANDER
Stop, we have no time to waste! Go, Zartan! And do not fail Cobra!
EXT. TAFT HOTEL - DAY
DR. METTIER [Neil Ross]
Bring my car around, please, and hurry. I'm--I'm very late for my conference.
DR. METTIER
Mon Dieu!
INT. UNDERGROUND
DR. METTIER
What do you want with me?
ZARTAN
I do not want you, Dr. Mettier.
ZARTAN (CONT., in Mettier's voice)
I want...your identity. And now, my dear doctor, I must bid you au revoir
EXT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - DAY
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - COMMAND CENTER
SPIRIT
Freedom!
SPIRIT
Stay with me, Freedom.
LADY JAYE
I thought I'd check in with you, Spirit. Has everyone arrived yet?
SPIRIT
All but one, Lady Jaye. Dr. Mettier should arrive soon.
LADY JAYE
The Joes are standing by if you need us. I'll call you again later.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - GARAGE
COMPUTER
Please place your hand on the screen.... Thank you, Dr. Mettier. Enter.
STORM SHADOW
We'll rendezvous inside the building.
COMPUTER
Please wait while we scan for concealed weapons. Welcome to the Worldwide Defense Center.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - COMMAND CENTER
SCIENTIST [Buster Jones]
Emil! Good to see you again.
"DR. METTIER"
Uh, yes, good to see you too.
FEMALE SCIENTIST [Mary McDonald Lewis]
Welcome, Dr. Mettier. Have you the tapes in your briefcase?
"DR. METTIER"
Yes. All the accumulated information about terrorist activities that my country possesses. I turn them over to you.
SCIENTIST
Aha! Caught you!
"DR. METTIER"
I--I beg your pardon?
SCIENTIST
Last year you said you'd never wear a digital watch, and I said you would.
"DR. METTIER"
Uh, yes. I--I had forgotten. Excuse me, please.
SPIRIT
I am suspicious, too, Freedom. There is something strange about Dr. Mettier.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - CORRIDOR
ZARTAN
Excellent. Give me the bomb.
SPIRIT
So, Storm Shadow. Still you serve the evil of Cobra.
ZARTAN
Don't let him sound the alarm!
ZARTAN
Back-up control room! Perfect!
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - BACK-UP CONTROL ROOM
ZARTAN
In thirty-five minutes, this defense center will be nothing but a smoking crater.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - CORRIDOR
SPIRIT
Go, Freedom! Get help!
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - COMMAND CENTER
FEMALE SCIENTIST (O.C.)
Dear me! I'd better let him out!
EXT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - DAY
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
LADY JAYE
Your turn, Gung-Ho. And remember, the loser makes dinner.
LADY JAYE
I win.
STALKER
What did you do that for, Lady Jaye? He'll make us eat that homemade Cajun gumbo of his.
RECONDO
Yeah. Last time we used it to fuel the SkyStrikers.
GUNG-HO
Gumbo builds muscles, right Doc?
DOC
Well, it's certainly given you a cast iron stomach.
LADY JAYE
Freedom, what's wrong!
RECONDO
Spirit must be in trouble.
LADY JAYE
To the defense center, on the double!
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - CORRIDOR
STORM SHADOW
I must put an end to this fighting or we will both be destroyed.
SPIRIT
Destroyed? How?
STORM SHADOW
You had no right to interfere, Zartan!
ZARTAN
Don't be a fool, Storm Shadow. The bomb is set to go off. Get rid of him.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - COMMAND CENTER
SCIENTIST
Emil, where have you been?
EXT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - DAY
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - COMMAND CENTER
"DR. METTIER"
I, I, uh, really must go.
LADY JAYE
Please, remain where you are! We have an emergency situation!
LADY JAYE
That man in the corner. Look.
RECONDO
It's Zartan! Now I know we've got trouble.
LADY JAYE
What have you done with Spirit?
ZARTAN
I'm your prisoner. Take me away.
RECONDO
No problem. They got a cell here.
ZARTAN
No! Take me to the G. I. Joe prison! I demand it!
DOC
Hmm. You seem awfully eager to go to prison.
LADY JAYE
Yes. That's the strangest demand I've ever heard.
GUNG-HO
What's so interestin' about this watch?
GUNG-HO
It's a countdown. For what? Talk!
ZARTAN
I've planted a bomb that will destroy the defense center. But you'll never find it in time.
LADY JAYE
Gung-Ho, take Zartan to the cell. Doc, Recondo, Stalker, find that bomb.
LADY JAYE
Freedom, go find Spirit.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - CELL
GUNG-HO
You wanna get outta here in one piece, start talkin', creep.
ZARTAN
You, you can't fool me. You are weaklings. You won't let me die here.
GUNG-HO
Oh yeah? Well, keep you eye on this. When you change your mind, just holler.
EXT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - DAY
INT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - CELL
DR. METTIER
So, they have kidnapped you as well, mon ami.
COBRA COMMANDER
Now, where is Zartan?
STORM SHADOW
He was in the building when the G. I. Joes arrived.
TORCH
Ugh, that's terrible.
RIPPER
Yeah, who's gonna pay us?
COBRA COMMANDER
Cobra will see that you get your gold. Guard the prisoners. Destro, Storm Shadow, follow me.
STORM SHADOW
Shall we attempt to rescue Zartan?
DESTRO
He is so clever, let him escape on his own.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER
LADY JAYE
Stalker, report.
STALKER
I'm still lookin'.
LADY JAYE (COMM.)
Doc, have you found anything?
DOC
Not yet, Lady Jaye. And there are a lot of hiding places.
LADY JAYE (COMM.)
Recondo, what's your situation?
RECONDO
No luck. I'm goin' on to the next room.
LADY JAYE (COMM.)
Gung-Ho, where are you now?
GUNG-HO
In the kitchen. But there's nothin' cookin' here.
LADY JAYE
Well, at least the scientists are out of the building. I'm going to check the microfilm room.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - CELL
EXT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - DAY
INT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - CELL
DR. METTIER
What will happen? What will happen? They'll kill us!
BUZZER
Oy, lads, do you hear that?
RIPPER
They sound so scared!
TORCH
Right, then let's cheer them up. First, we make the cell airtight.
TORCH (O.C.)
Then we give 'em a bit of laughing gas.
DR. METTIER
I'm laughing so hard...it hurts!
SPIRIT
I can't stop!
BUZZER
What a gas!
TORCH
Right! They'll laugh themselves to death.
EXT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - DAY
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - CELL
LADY JAYE
It's no use. Let's grab Zartan and get out of here before the bomb goes off.
GUNG-HO
Uh, give me a few seconds. I'm expectin' somethin'.
DOC
Somethin' besides the explosion, I hope.
ZARTAN
I'll tell! I'll tell! G. I. Joes, get me out of here!
GUNG-HO
Okay, creep, where is it?
ZARTAN
The back-up control room! Third panel from the left! Hurry!
LADY JAYE
Move it!
ZARTAN
Wait! Take me with you! They'll never make it. I'm doomed.
EXT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - DAY
INT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - CELL
STORM SHADOW
Get out! If I find you here again, you shall pay dearly. Noble enemies should not be treated in this fashion.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - CELL
ZARTAN
They're too late!
ZARTAN
Impossible. My bombs never fail.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - BACK-UP CONTROL ROOM
LADY JAYE
There it is. Get it.
RECONDO
This wire should do it.
RECONDO
Uh, wrong wire.
LADY JAYE
I wish you hadn't said that.
RECONDO
So do I.
STALKER
I don't get it. The timer on this bomb was two minutes slower than Zartan's watch.
GUNG-HO
Oh, that? I just set Zartan's watch. two minutes ahead. I figured his nerve would give out before ours.
DOC
I think Zartan has figured it out. I'd better go check on him.
INT. COBRA ZIGGURAT
COBRA COMMANDER
No! Zartan has failed!
DESTRO
What did you expect?
COBRA COMMANDER
I want that building destroyed!
EXT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER
Cobra!
INT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - CELL
SPIRIT
I can wait no longer. My friends are in danger.
DR. METTIER
But what can you do? They took all your weapons.
SPIRIT
They did not find this.
SPIRIT
Spirits of my fathers, guide my hand.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - CELL
DOC
Zartan? Where could he... Zartan?
ZARTAN
Sweet dreams, little man.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - POWER ROOM
ZARTAN
This will bring them running.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - BACK-UP CONTROL ROOM
LADY JAYE
Someone's tampering with the power. And Doc hasn't come back. Gung-Ho, Recondo, check on Doc. Stalker and I will go to the power room.
EXT. COBRA ZIGGURAT - DAY
SPIRIT
All right, here we....
STORM SHADOW
That was only a warning, Spirit. Turn back.
SPIRIT
No.
SPIRIT
Freedom!
STORM SHADOW
We shall meet again, Spirit. We shall meet again.
INT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - POWER ROOM
LADY JAYE
Lucky thing I carry these flares.
ZARTAN (O.C.)
They won't help you.
ZARTAN (O.C.)
Fools, I'm over here! You'll never find me in the shadows!
LADY JAYE
We'll see about that.
STALKER
No, don't!
STALKER
Lady Jaye? Lady Jaye! If you've hurt her, Zartan....
STALKER
Let's hope there's enough auxiliary power to give you a big surprise.
ZARTAN
No! Stop it!
STALKER
Lady Jaye, are you hurt?
LADY JAYE
I'm--I'm...all right. He hit me from behind.
ZARTAN
I hate the sunlight! I hate it!
LADY JAYE
If I had your complexion, so would I.
GUNG-HO
Good work, team. Guess we can finally breathe easy.
STALKER
Hit the deck!
LADY JAYE
It's Cobra!
RECONDO
Zartan's gone.
LADY JAYE
Forget him, let's get those snakes!
EXT. WORLDWIDE DEFENSE CENTER - DAY
LADY JAYE
Split up!
RIPPER
You down there, use your tracers like I taught you!
TORCH (V.O.)
Destroy the foundation, and the rest comes tumblin' down.
STALKER
That's what I call the foot-in-mouth maneuver.
LADY JAYE
Duck!
BUZZER
Hold that pose!
BUZZER
Say your prayers, yank!
GUNG-HO
Now I lay you down to sleep!
DOC
Boy, is he gonna feel dumb when he realizes I pulled his detonator.
RIPPER
Well, what a nice bit o' fluff you are!
LADY JAYE
This bit of fluff bites!
LADY JAYE
Yo Joe!
DOC
Lady Jaye, we're outnumbered.
LADY JAYE
Give it your best shot!
LADY JAYE
Spirit!
GUNG-HO
Yahoo! Go get 'em!
COBRA COMMANDER
Destro, get me out of here!
DESTRO
Don't panic, Commander!
COBRA COMMANDER
Retreat! Retreat!
TORCH
Time to get out of here, lads!
ZARTAN
Not without me!
GUNG-HO
Now that Cobra's done with, let's get down to serious business: makin' Cajun gumbo!
DR. METTIER
Ah, Cajun gumbo! A true American delicacy!
GUNG-HO
At last, a man with good taste.
SPIRIT
Freedom, how would you like my share of that gumbo?