WHERE THE REPTILES ROAM

EXT. COBRA INFORMATION CENTER - NIGHT
BREAKER
Open sesame.
BREAKER
Cobra's information center!
ALPINE
Cut the chatter. Is this a coffee break or what? Come on.
INT. COBRA INFORMATION CENTER
BREAKER
Jackpot! Cobra's main computer. All their recent transactions with phony companies are stored here. And in just about two seconds it'll all be ours.
ALPINE
Bazooka, can't you be quiet?
BAZOOKA
Feet tangled.
BREAKER
Gotcha!
COBRA [Peter Cullen]
Correction! We've got you!
ALPINE
Great! That was the only door, shell brain!
BAZOOKA
I'll make another.
EXT. COBRA INFORMATION CENTER - NIGHT
BAZOOKA
Door.
BREAKER
Flint! We're bringin' guests! Cover us!
FLINT
Ground forces, air support, move!
BAZOOKA
Alpine, look! Cavalry!
WILD BILL
Yahoo! Get along, little dogies!
BAZOOKA
Comin'?
ALPINE
No, I'm gonna stay here and get buried in popcorn!
INT. JOE CAMP
COMPUTER EXPERT
Let's see what you got, Breaker. Standard Cobra protection scheme. Shouldn't be too tough to crack.
FLINT
Looks like a real estate transaction.
ALPINE
Real estate?
FLINT
Real estate's right, Alpine. According to this, well, Cobra bought a dude ranch.
LADY JAYE
Why a dude ranch?
FLINT
I'd love to know. Why don't you go undercover with Bazooka, Alpine, and Wild Bill.
WILD BILL
Yeehoo! West Texas, home sweet home! Yeehow!
EXT. TEXAS ROAD - DAY
WILD BILL
Yeehoo!
ALPINE
Slow down before we take off!
WILD BILL
Can't you take a little wind through the hair?
BAZOOKA
Gosh, Alpine, cows. Oil wells.
LADY JAYE
Not oil wells, Bazooka. Microwave antennas. Part of a solar energy farm.
EXT. SPACE - EARTH ORBIT
LADY JAYE (V.O.)
They receive microwave energy beamed from an orbiting satellite. Then they relay it via those power lines to electric plants.
EXT. TEXAS ROAD - DAY
WILD BILL
Solar power beams? Comin' down here? Ain't that dangerous, Lady Jaye?
LADY JAYE
Not if the beams are controlled by that monitoring station.
BAZOOKA
If not?
LADY JAYE
They could fry a city.
EXT. LOCO TORO - DAY
MA
Howdy, y'all! Well, welcome to Loco Toro! You must be the Austins! I'm Ma Joad, this here's Pa, and over yonder is our little daughter, Mary Belle.
WILD BILL
Name's Bill Austin. This here's my sister Jane, and my brothers Big Bob and Little Bob.
ALPINE
Howdy.
BAZOOKA
Uh, howdy.
MARY BELLE [Morgan Lofting]
Why don't you and I take a look-see around the ranch, private-like?
WILD BILL
Why, I'd like that just fine, Miss Joad.
WILD BILL
Oh, please, call me Mary Belle, Mr. Bill. Miss Joad sounds so formal.
LADY JAYE
That Texas tease! "Call me Mary Belle." Jezebel's more like it.
MA
Your brother's got the right idea, Miss Austin. Why don't y'all take a look around?
MA
Rufus and Clay here'll take care of your bags. Supper's at six sharp. You have yourselves a good time, y'hear?
LADY JAYE
You heard the lady. Look around. I'll check in with Flint.
LADY JAYE
Lady Jaye to Flint. We're at the ranch. It looks like Cobra bought it as an R & R center for the troops, but there may be more to this than meets the eye.
EXT. LOCO TORO - DAY
INT. UNDERGROUND BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
I want her kept under constant surveillance. Understand?
ZARTAN
Why watch her when we can waste her?
COBRA COMMANDER
We must not cause any suspicion for eighteen hours. Then I will control the solar power satellite. Until then, keep Lady Jaye and her friends occupied however you like. I'm sure you'll think of something suitable.
EXT. LOCO TORO - DAY
LADY JAYE
Where's Wild Bill?
ALPINE
Ridin' the range with that Texas peach Mary Belle.
BAZOOKA
Got a crush.
ALPINE
No, really?
ZARTAN (as a rancher) [Neil Ross]
Howdy, y'all. Ma Joad told me to make sure you folks have a real full day.
EXT. LOCO TORO - ANIMAL PEN
"RUFUS" (Buzzer)
Y'all wait right here while me and the boys saddle up some horses.
BAZOOKA
Uh, what happens now?
BAZOOKA
Holy cow!
ALPINE
Bazooka!
BAZOOKA
Alpine!
ALPINE
You okay?
BAZOOKA
Mean meat.
ALPINE
You know, I think those bums set us up.
EXT. LOCO TORO - STABLES
ZARTAN
This here is a mighty educated horse, Miss Austin. Mudpatch, tell the lady how old you are.
ZARTAN
He's got taste, too. Mudpatch, is this a pretty lady?
LADY JAYE
Thank you, Mudpatch. I think you're very handsome.
ZARTAN
Why don't you take him for a little ride, Miss? Let me give you a lift.
ZARTAN
There you go, Miss. He's all yours!
LADY JAYE
Whoa, boy! Whoa!
ALPINE
You hurt?
LADY JAYE
Just my pride.
LADY JAYE
Easy, boy. Easy. A burr! No wonder Mudpatch tossed me! Call it a wild guess, but I'd say we weren't wanted here.
EXT. SATELLITE FARM - DAY
WILD BILL
Ah, Texas air. Nothin' like it in all the fifty states!
WILD BILL
Mary Belle, did you see that?
MARY BELLE
Looks like a dust storm.
WILD BILL
That ain't no dust storm. It's a stampede!
WILD BILL
It's headed right for the solar farm control blockhouse!
WILD BILL
Yeehoo! Yeehoo!
INT. MONITORING STATION
EXT. SATELLITE FARM - DAY
BUZZER
Zartan's got the control chip by now.
TORCH
And thanks to the stampede....
RIPPER
Nobody'll even know the chip is gone until it's too late. Oh, no!
TORCH
They're comin' back this way!
MARY BELLE
You crazy cowboy, you could've been killed!
WILD BILL
Aw shoot, ma'am. Wasn't much.
WILD BILL
Yeehoo!
INT. BARN
WILD BILL
All right, folks! Choose your partners and don't be shy,
Then form your squares and wink your eye!
Bow to your partner and swing him around,
Swing him back and don't sit down!
LADY JAYE
This is definitely not for me.
ALPINE
It's not for them, either.
LADY JAYE
Wanna find out why?
ALPINE
Sure. Anything to get away from Wild Bill's warbling.
EXT. BARN - NIGHT
WILD BILL (O.C.)
Bow to your partner, bow to your gal!
Do-si-do with a great big smile!
LADY JAYE
Follow the ranch hands. I'll look in on the Joads.
EXT. LOCO TORO - NIGHT
ALPINE
Bazooka, I don't like it out here.
BAZOOKA
Dark.
ZARTAN
That should be better.
ALPINE
Zartan and his Dreadnoks!
BAZOOKA
Trouble!
EXT. UNDERGROUND BASE - NIGHT
LADY JAYE
Where's the light coming from?
INT. UNDERGROUND BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
With the control chip, Cobra's destructive power is equal to that of the sun.
DESTRO
Hard to believe that something so small could command a satellite orbiting. hundreds of miles above us.
COBRA COMMANDER
Quite. Observe the power that is ours to command.
COBRA COMMANDER
We can direct the solar satellite's microwave beam anywhere. Just as with this model.
COBRA COMMANDER
I am the new fire department. If they don't pay, I start fires.
DESTRO
How much do you think they will pay?
COBRA COMMANDER
Fire insurance is expensive, Destro. I would say billions! Billions!
COBRA COMMANDER
You're not one of my people.
COBRA COMMANDER
Destro, quickly! An intruder!
DESTRO
Good! There's just one Joe left.
EXT. LOCO TORO - NIGHT
WILD BILL
I can't rightly remember when I've had a nicer time, Mary Belle.
MARY BELLE
Look at the stars. They're beautiful.
WILD BILL
The West Texas sky. Yep, that's a mighty pretty sight. Reminds me of home. But, uh, back home I never had me a pretty lady like you, Mary Belle...Mary Belle?
WILD BILL
Mary Belle, why don't you...Baroness!
BARONESS
At your service, y'all.
WILD BILL
Well, that's very persuasive.
ZARTAN
Baroness, Cobra Commander sent me to see if you need any help.
WILD BILL
That's mighty kind of you, son! Mighty kind.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
NASA's been gettin' some weird telemetry off Solar Power Satellite Number One. They think it's tied in with that West Texas dude ranch Lady Jaye's investigatin'.
SCARLETT
Any word from Lady Jaye, Breaker?
BREAKER
I tried raisin' her, but the frequency's bein' jammed by...now what?
COBRA COMMANDER
This is Cobra Commander. You have twelve hours to pay Cobra an insurance premium of one billion dollars in gold bullion, or a city will be burned. For every hour that the premium payment is delayed, an additional city will be eliminated. And if you doubt Cobra has the power to carry out this threat, the demonstration I have devised for your viewing pleasure should reassure you.
SCARLETT
That's the Golden Gate Bridge!
EXT. SPACE - EARTH ORBIT
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
Whoa!
COBRA COMMANDER
Twelve hours!
FLINT
Let's check out that dude ranch on the double!
JOES
Yo Joe!
EXT. LOCO TORO - PRE-DAWN
DESTRO (V.O.)
Perimeter defense sensors indicate G. I. Joe troops moving in from the northeast.
INT. UNDERGROUND BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
Let them come, Destro.
COBRA COMMANDER
Nothing can touch us here. We have the weapon of the century! And NASA developed it for us at their cost!
EXT. LOCO TORO - DAWN
FLINT
Recondo, what's the word?
RECONDO
All clear, Flint. Maybe too clear. Not a person in sight.
FLINT
They've gotta know we're here. Let's give 'em an education. Move out!
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. UNDERGROUND BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes, just a little closer. A little more. Now!
EXT. LOCO TORO - DAWN
COVER GIRL
What the....
COVER GIRL
How am I gonna fix that?
INT. UNDERGROUND BASE
BUZZER
Think he'll give us a turn?
ZARTAN
Get serious.
EXT. LOCO TORO - DAWN
ACE
Flint, this is Ace. We're making our run.
FLINT
Cobra's got some kind of laser defensive screen! You can't....
ACE
Ace to Flint, I seem to have run into a problem, literally!
SCARLETT
Scarlett to air group, peel off! Regroup!
FLINT
Recondo! How'd you get across?
RECONDO
That laser beam's great for big targets, Flint, but when it comes to somethin' smaller....
FLINT
Yeah, it's like using an elephant gun to swat flies.
COVER GIRL
So how do we get smaller?
FLINT
We go in on foot.
ROADBLOCK
Now you're talkin'.
INT. UNDERGROUND BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
What are they doing?
EXT. LOCO TORO - DAWN
INT. UNDERGROUND BASE
DESTRO
Destroy them!
COBRA COMMANDER
I can't pinpoint small targets!
DESTRO
Counter-attack!
EXT. LOCO TORO - DAWN
FLINT
We need our mobile heavy artillery.
COVER GIRL
But we'll never get it past that big solar satellite beam.
WILD BILL (O.C.)
Yeehoo!
FLINT AND COVER GIRL
Yahoo?
WILD BILL
Yeehoo! Yah! Yah! C'mon, move out now!, etc.
BUZZER
Stampede!
ZARTAN
Stop them!
DESTRO
What a crude form of weaponry!
BARONESS
No, Destro!
FLINT AND COVER GIRL
Yo Joe!
FLINT
Wild Bill!
WILD BILL
Howdy, pardners!
BARONESS
Let me out!
DESTRO
Get out of my way!
WILD BILL
Pardon me, pardners! There's a lady I wanna talk with!
WILD BILL
Come on out, or I'm comin' in!
WILD BILL
That has to be the most newfangled sanitation system I ever saw!
COBRA COMMANDER
Hurry, you fools!
FLINT
Let's get 'em!
DESTRO
I told you there were holes in this plan to begin with?
COBRA COMMANDER
Foiled by a cattle stampede! A cattle stampede! I can't believe it! But I'll be back!
INT. BARN
LADY JAYE
What kept you?
FLINT
Oh, just a little cattle stampede.
WILD BILL
And that's no bull!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
WILD BILL
Ah, pretty night. Almost as pretty as a West Texas gal.
WILD BILL
Aw heck, Timber. I shoulda known she weren't no Texas peach. She was just too sweet. Anyone from Texas knows we grow our peaches sassy!

THE FUNHOUSE

EXT. LAB IN SWAMP - NIGHT
INT. LAB
DR. HIBBENTROPE [Chris Latta]
Closer...back a bit. Oh, blast it! Where did you go, you little microbe? Ah, there you are. Amazing! Simply amazing?
ZARTAN (O.C.)
Doctor Hibbentrope?
DR. HIBBENTROPE
Yes, yes? Can't you see I'm busy? The sign on the door says, "Do not enter."
ZARTAN
Now, doctor. I can see that you're busy, but I think it's time for you to take a little nap.
ZARTAN
Sleep tight, my good doctor. No one will bother you now.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
FLINT
A botanist, a biologist, two astronomers, a geologist. Why is Cobra kidnapping all of these scientists?
ALPINE
Maybe they're just collecting scientists like, um...
BAZOOKA
Baseball cards.
FLINT
Maybe. Anyone care to guess what Cobra's gonna do when they complete their set?
BREAKER
Somethin's comin' in.
FLINT
If it's Cobra, trace it, Breaker.
COBRA COMMANDER
Greetings, Joe Team. You no doubt know what I have chosen to speak with you about.
FLINT
Get on with it, Cobra Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
I will be terse, Flint. If I do not receive sixty billion dollars, you will never see the scientists again.
FLINT
Kidnapping? You've hit a new low, Commander.
LADY JAYE
Where do you expect us to get sixty billion dollars?
ALPINE
Relax, guys. We'll just put it on my credit card. I never leave home....
COBRA COMMANDER
Enough of this foolishness! Lest you think I am not serious, watch this!
DR. HIBBENTROPE
Please, G. I. Joe, do something! You must help me! You must!
COBRA COMMANDER
Joes, you have one day to come up with the money, or....
BREAKER
I traced the transmission. It's coming from South America.
LADY JAYE
It's too easy. I've got a bad feeling about this.
GUNG-HO
Yeah. It's too pat.
FLINT
I agree. We need volunteers for our strike team.
JOES
Yo Joe!
EXT. SOUTH AMERICAN TEMPLE - DAY
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
G. I. Joe is doomed, thanks to you, "Doctor Hibbentrope."
ZARTAN
You know, there will be an extra charge for my acting services.
BARONESS
You venal mercenary, your acting couldn't get you onto a soap opera.
COBRA COMMANDER
Silence. His stunning performance is well worth the money. It will buy me the greatest luxury there is: revenge.
EXT. COBRA TEMPLE - DAY
ACE
Stay low to keep under Cobra radar. The base is comin' up fast. There it is! Let's tell our friends we're here!
WILD BILL
This is just like cleanin' a stable back home!
JOES
Yo Joe!
ALPINE
I've been itchin' for a good fight all day!
BAZOOKA
Itching? Oh, boy!
FLINT
Bazooka, we need some support here!
BAZOOKA
You got it!
FLINT
They're falling back!
JOES
Yo Joe!
FLINT
I don't like to fight unarmed soldiers, so here, take my gun!
GUNG-HO
Get off my back!
GUNG-HO
And stay off it!
DUSTY
I usually don't drop in unexpectedly, but this time I'll make an exception.
BAZOOKA
Darn it, swallowed my gum. Now I'm mad! One! Two! Three!
BAZOOKA
Oh, my trigger finger.
EXT. COBRA TEMPLE - DAY
ALPINE
What a bunch of wimps. We oughta get home in time for dinner.
FLINT
Don't count on it. This is just the hors d'oeuvre. The main course won't be served 'til we visit those snakes inside their temple.
LADY JAYE
And find those scientists.
FLINT
Zap, you got a key?
ZAP
Yeah, and it'll fit perfectly.
ZAP
Nothing better than a good kaboom to open up closed doors, eh, Flint?
FLINT
Yeah. I'm glad you left some building to enter. Zap, wait out here for Gung-Ho and the support team. The rest of you, come with me.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - MAIN CORRIDOR
LADY JAYE
Do you get the feeling that no one's home?
FLINT
You could be right. Wait a second.
ALPINE
I don't like this. This is a trap.
ALPINE
Hey! My gun!
FLINT
A magnetic field! It's a trap!
ALPINE
What'd I tell you?
COBRA COMMANDER
Welcome to my funhouse!
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes, welcome to my funhouse!
DUSTY
Stuff it, snake face!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
Despite your rudeness, I offer you a sporting chance.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - MAIN CORRIDOR
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
Three doors, three choices. Two of them lead to dead ends.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - MAIN CORRIDOR
FLINT
What about the third one?
COBRA COMMANDER
It leads you to me.
ALPINE
Then all the doors are losers.
COBRA COMMANDER
You are beginning to try my patience! Before I forget, I feel obliged to tell you that this entire island is a bomb, and the only way to disarm it is here in the control booth.
FLINT
Then why don't you save us some trouble and disarm it yourself?
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
And ruin my fun? Surely you jest.
BARONESS
Take no chances, Commander. Destroy them now!
ZARTAN
Let him take as long as he likes. I am paid by the hour.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - MAIN CORRIDOR
FLINT
Look, our best chance to get through this is to split up. Dusty, Airtight, you take the door on the left. Alpine, Bazooka, you get the one on the right. Lady Jaye and I'll go for the one in the middle.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - LEFT CORRIDOR
DUSTY
It's empty. Maybe we picked the right corridor.
AIRTIGHT
If there is a right corridor.
DUSTY
What the hey? What is this, New Year's Eve?
AIRTIGHT
Yeah, it's party time!
DUSTY
Well, I always thought he was an airhead.
AIRTIGHT
Don't break that balloon!
DUSTY
Stay back!
AIRTIGHT AS COBRA COMMANDER
What's wrong? I'm just trying to save you.
DUSTY
Get away from me, you snake!
AIRTIGHT
Snake? What the heck's happenin' to you, buddy?
AIRTIGHT AS COBRA COMMANDER
The gas from the balloon has you hallucinating.
AIRTIGHT
Trust me. I didn't breathe it, so I'm not affected.
DUSTY
Lies! You've had it, snake!
AIRTIGHT
I hate to do this, but....
AIRTIGHT
Sleep tight, ol' pal. I'll be back for you after I kick some snake butt.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - RIGHT CORRIDOR
ALPINE
How come Flint always picks Lady Jaye to go with him and I always get you?
ALPINE
Whoa! What the heck is that?
BAZOOKA
Funny.
ALPINE
Funny isn't the word for it.
ROBOT (in Cobra Commander's voice)
Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Cobra Express. Step aboard, my good friends. Step aboard. You're in for the ride of your life.
ALPINE
After you.
BAZOOKA
Thanks.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ENTRANCE
GUNG-HO
Come on, Zap. Hurry it up, will you? We haven't got all day.
ZAP
I'm goin' as fast as I can! These aren't firecrackers.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - RIGHT CORRIDOR
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
The good part is just beginning.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - RIGHT CORRIDOR
BAZOOKA
Over already?
ALPINE
Yeaah! We're in a shootin' gallery! We're sitting ducks! That's the last time I ever listen to you!
BAZOOKA
Oh, no!
ALPINE
You stupid bozo, what'd you let yourself get hit for? All right, Commander! This isn't a game anymore! I'm playin' for keeps!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - LEFT CORRIDOR
AIRTIGHT
Whoa! What have we here?
AIRTIGHT
I always thought he was a clown.
AIRTIGHT
This guy's definitely not playin' with a full deck of cards!
AIRTIGHT
Okay, so you got a new weapon!
AIRTIGHT
Oh no, not again!
AIRTIGHT
Whoa! This is serious!
AIRTIGHT
Time to make life a fast ball!
AIRTIGHT
Safe at second!
AIRTIGHT
Uh-oh. This isn't my day.
AIRTIGHT
This guy wants to throw me out at the plate!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
You see, Baroness? They aren't so tough after all.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - RIGHT CORRIDOR
ALPINE
Man, this floor's like glass, and this duct could use some light!
ALPINE
What is this, the pro bowler's tour?
ALPINE
Talk about inflated egos!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
Eleven! I got eleven! That's even better than a strike!
ZARTAN
Now there are only two Joes left.
BARONESS
What about the Joes outside the door?
ZARTAN
They don't matter. They'll never get through in time to save their comrades.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ENTRANCE
ZAP
It's ready to blow. Everybody hit the deck!
GUNG-HO
It's still there!
ZAP
I'll use a little more grease.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CENTRAL CORRIDOR
LADY JAYE
Not that I'm complaining, but so far this has been a breeze.
FLINT
That's what worries me. What's that?
LADY JAYE
Sounds like...marching tin cans.
FLINT
And they're ugly, too.
LADY JAYE
Let's stomp on 'em.
LADY JAYE
I can't get a clear shot at yours!
FLINT
That's good shooting!
FLINT
Lady Jaye!
FLINT
Lady Jaye, are you all right?
FLINT
I can't get a pulse.
FLINT
Lady Jaye!
COBRA COMMANDER (COMM.)
So, Flint. You're the only one left.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
BARONESS
Let's get it over with?
ZARANA
What's the hurry? The Commander is having fun.
BARONESS
I forgot. You're paid by the hour.
COBRA COMMANDER
Silence! I want to watch him squirm!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CENTRAL CORRIDOR
COBRA COMMANDER (COMM.)
Get up, you blundering bunch of idiots, or I'll send you all to the scrap-iron heap!
FLINT
Looks like it's time for a game of hide-and-seek.
COBRA COMMANDER (COMM.)
Go! After him! Don't let him get away!
FLINT
Three down, three left, Commander.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
Destroy him!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CENTRAL CORRIDOR
FLINT
Your robots are lousy shots, Commander! Did you program 'em yourself?
FLINT
Come on, Commander! You try and get me!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ARENA OF SPORT
FLINT
Never mind. I'll come and get you!
COBRA COMMANDER
As you wish.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
BARONESS
Now what do you have to say, Zartan?
ZARTAN
Watch your tongue while you still have it! However, she might have a point, Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
It's time to depart when I say it's time!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ENTRANCE
ZAP
If this doesn't work, I'm going back to selling insurance. Let's go!
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ARENA OF SPORT
FLINT
The game is over, Cobra Commander. Make it easy on yourself and surrender!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
Surrender? Never! Your friends will not find you in time!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ARENA OF SPORT
FLINT
These guys are getting old, Commander.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
Now that they have his attention, it's time to say good-bye to our resourceful friend!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ARENA OF SPORT
FLINT
Nice shooting, Commander!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
COBRA COMMANDER
I am sick of you, Flint. In moments you will be converted to subatomic particles. The bomb is now activated!
ZARTAN
You see, Baroness? Victory has been at our fingertips all along.
BARONESS
Perhaps, but we have wasted time!
COBRA COMMANDER
Silence!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ARENA OF SPORT
FLINT
Time is running out, Commander!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - ESCAPE TUNNEL
COBRA COMMANDER
I think we must be going. In only a matter of moments, I will be rid of G. I. Joe forever!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
LADY JAYE (COMM.)
Flint? Flint!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CENTRAL CORRIDOR
FLINT (COMM.)
I'm in the control room. The whole place is about to blow and I can't disarm the bomb.
LADY JAYE
Isn't there a scrub switch?
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CONTROL BOOTH
FLINT
There's a switch, but it isn't marked.
LADY JAYE (COMM.)
Flip it!
FLINT
It's a reset switch!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - CORRIDORS
FLINT (COMM.)
Attention, all Joes! We've got three minutes to get outta here!
ZAP
You heard the man, move!
COMPUTER
Self Destruct!
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - LEFT CORRIDOR
FLINT
I hope you're light, pal.
INT. COBRA TEMPLE - RIGHT CORRIDOR
ALPINE
Come on, pal. It's fourth quarter, two seconds, and we've got ninety-nine yards to go!
LADY JAYE
I don't know where we're going....
AIRTIGHT
But anywhere's an improvement.
LADY JAYE
Next stop, outdoors!
EXT. COBRA TEMPLE - DAY
LADY JAYE
Head for the SkyStrikers!
EXT. SOUTH AMERICAN COAST - DAY
GUNG-HO
Flint's never gonna make it.
LADY JAYE
Flint, no!
FLINT
Joe team, this is Flint! Our work isn't done yet!
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
You see? You see?
ZARTAN
I never doubted your plan for a moment, unlike the Baroness.
BARONESS
Quiet, mercenary!
COBRA COMMANDER
I now possess the world's greatest scientific minds. There is no limit to the power I will possess. Nothing can stop Cobra now!
EXT. COBRA BASE - DAY
INT. COBRA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
This can't be!
EXT. COBRA BASE - DAY
JOES
Yo Joe!
FLINT
Flint to group, follow me in! And good hunting!
INT. COBRA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
COBRA COMMANDER
This is impossible!
BARONESS
It won't be long before the Joes crack our defenses. May I suggest a swift departure while our necks are still intact?
COBRA COMMANDER
That, Baroness, is a sensible suggestion. Zartan, prepare the Rattlers for immediate departure. Zartan?
ZARTAN
Ready your own!
EXT. COBRA BASE - DAY
FLINT
We're gettin' to 'em, boys! Let's hit 'em with the old one-two!
WILD BILL
Time to clean up, folks!
INT. COBRA BASE
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
ALPINE
Unless you wanna be turned into snake sandwiches, you better drop those weapons.
INT. COBRA BASE - RATTLER HANGAR
COBRA COMMANDER
I will have revenge!
INT. COBRA BASE - COMMAND CENTER
DR. HIBBENTROPE
Thank you. Thank you all! But how did you manage to find us?
FLINT
Cobra Commander intended to use you as bait in a trap he was setting for us. We were suspicious, so we put Wild Bill on the lookout for any planes that left the island. Sure enough, Cobra Commander flew the coop, and we followed him right to the fortress.
ALPINE
Flint sure likes to talk a lot, doesn't he?
FLINT
What? What was that you said?
ALPINE
Uh, we were just discussing whether....
LADY JAYE
So, does someone here want to take me for a stroll on a moonlit beach?
BAZOOKA
Sure!
BAZOOKA
Hey!
ALPINE
Please excuse my friend here. I'll take you.
FLINT
You do and you'll be scrubbin' bathrooms for a week.
ALPINE
On second thought, why don't you take her, Bazooka?
BAZOOKA
No way.
LADY JAYE
You sure know how to keep a girl single.
FLINT
That's right. She sees right through me.

THE VIPER IS COMING

EXT. FIREHOUSE - DAY
INT. FIREHOUSE
SCARLETT
You did a great job renovating this old firehouse, Barbecue. I, uh, hope it's still standing after the party.
BARBECUE
Yeah, but it's too neat. I want to antique it a little.
BARBECUE
Hope my flameburger's hot enough for ya.
SCARLET
It sure is, if you like boiled punch.
GREENSHIRTS
Get the ball! Watch it! We've got him outnumbered! Keep him from the basket!, etc.
ROADBLOCK
Block me in, you gonna lose your skin!
LADY JAYE
I don't believe I've ever seen this dance before.
FOOTLOOSE
Alpine, are you sure this is gonna work?
ALPINE
Trust me, Footloose. I'll make a climber out of you even if it kills you.
FOOTLOOSE
What?
GREENSHIRT [Frank Welker]
Okay, we've got him cornered! Now get the ball!
ROADBLOCK
I'm burnin' to give you some learnin'!
GREENSHIRTS
Ouch! Ow! Hey! Watch it!, etc.
ROADBLOCK
Oops!
BARBECUE
Guess I won't be needin' that window cleaned.
ALPINE
Uh-oh.
SCARLETT
Yikes!
BARBECUE
Well, looks like my party's a success.
BARBECUE
Hello?
THE VIPER (PHONE)
Mister Barbecue? This is the Viper.
BARBECUE
The Viper? I couldna heard ya right.
THE VIPER (PHONE)
The Viper is coming. Five seventy-five.
SCARLETT
Barbecue, who was it?
BARBECUE
Some guy who says he's the Viper.
LADY JAYE
Well, what did he say?
BARBECUE
"The Viper is coming. Five seventy-five."
SCARLETT
That's it?
BARBECUE
To the word.
ROADBLOCK
You think it's a message from Cobra?
SCARLETT
Got to be!
GUNG-HO
A code?
SCARLETT
It's a challenge. They're telling us where their next big attack will be.
ROADBLOCK
But they think we won't figure out the code in time.
LADY JAYE
But why would they take the chance?
SCARLETT
I don't know. Burn it back to Headquarters, guys.
BARBECUE
And don't forget to take a burger with ya!
BARBECUE
Hey! How 'bout leavin' one for the chef?
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
SCARLETT (V.O.)
"The Viper is coming. Five seventy-five."
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BARBECUE
What if those are the latitude and longitude?
LADY JAYE
Hmm. Let's see. Five degrees East, seventy-five degrees South.
BARBECUE
Antarctica!
LADY JAYE
Barbecue, I think you've got it.
BARBECUE
Oh, naturally it would have to be the South Pole. They must know how I hate cold weather.
EXT. ANTARCTICA - DAY
SCARLETT
Chock full of nothing!
ROADBLOCK
What can Cobra attack down here?
BARBECUE
Whatever it is, they can have it.
ALPINE
Footloose, what's that up ahead?
FOOTLOOSE
Uh, just a rock.
ALPINE
It'll look great in my collection.
FOOTLOOSE
What makes you think so? Doesn't look like much here.
ALPINE
You got a point. But after comin' all this way, I wanna go back with somethin'.
ALPINE
What?
SCARLETT
What the...
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - ELEVATOR
GUNG-HO
...devil is goin' on here?
LADY JAYE
I've got a feeling...
BARBECUE
We're in big trouble.
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - LOBBY
ROBOT
Welcome....
BARBECUE
What's this?
GUNG-HO
Hold it right there.
ROBOT
...to the Cobra Rest and Recreation Base Number Three. Volleyball, table tennis, and swimming are available in the Cobra Commander Gymnasium. Lunch will be served in the Destro Dining. The floor show starts promptly at seven thirty P.M. in the Zartan Entertainment Center. Tonight we feature the Cobra Cuties. Enjoy your stay. Oh, and no tipping, please.
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - GYMNASIUM
LADY JAYE
So this is the Cobra Commander Gymnasium.
GUNG-HO
Uh-oh.
BARBECUE
Volleyball, anyone?
LADY JAYE
Barbecue, this is getting heavy!
BARBECUE
No question about it, I'm not joinin' this gym!
LADY JAYE
I don't know. We're getting a pretty good workout!
COBRA
Get those Joes!
BARBECUE
We need to give ourselves a little advantage.
BARBECUE
Time for a bath, you eels!
EXT. COBRA R & R BASE - LOBBY
RECREATION DIRECTOR [Michael Bell?]
There must be more Joes up topside!
EXT. COBRA R & R BASE - DAY
SCARLETT
Firebats!
ROADBLOCK
Guess it's time to tame the flame!
SNOW SERPENT
Snowpedoes! Let's split!
SCARLETT
Ace, do you read me, Ace? We're up to our goggles in Snow Serpents!
ACE
Read you, Scarlett. Pest removal is on the way!
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - GYMNASIUM
BARBECUE
This sofa ain't much, but at least it's fireproof!
LADY JAYE
Too bad it's not laser proof!
EXT. COBRA R & R BASE - DAY
ACE
Uh-oh. Looks like Cobra's dealin' from the bottom of the deck!
ACE
I'll cash in their chips. You guys give the Snow Serpents the royal flush.
SCARLETT
Get 'em, Joes!
ALPINE
I'll take that! Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself!
ACE
Cobra just went bust.
SCARLETT
Gung-Ho, Barbecue, and Lady Jaye are down there somewhere. Yo Joe!
JOES
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA R & R BASE - GYMNASIUM
SCARLETT
Cobra! Drop your weapons!
BARBECUE
Glad you guys could make it.
SCARLETT
Five seventy-five. So the message made sense, but the situation doesn't.
ROADBLOCK
What do you mean, Scarlett?
SCARLETT
Think about it, guys. Why would Cobra send us a message that leads us right to one of their own R & R bases?
RECREATION DIRECTOR
Send you a message? I would never send you a message, you...you spoilsports!
EXT. FIREHOUSE - DAY
BARBECUE (V.O.)
But if Cobra didn't send that message, then who did?
INT. FIREHOUSE
SCARLETT
The Viper did.
BARBECUE
Yeah, but who's the Viper?
SCARLETT
You're asking me?
BARBECUE
Yes?
THE VIPER (PHONE)
This is the Viper. I come on Friday, west corner.
EXT. WETS POINT - PARADE
ROADBLOCK
West Point, the US Military Academy. But why are we pickin' this place out?
SCARLETT
Well, the Viper said "west corner," and corner could mean point.
ROADBLOCK
You know, I'm not sure whether there's more brass in the bands or in the stands.
SCARLETT
The brass in the stands is what worries me. They'd sure make a tempting target for Cobra. We've gotta warn the tank jockeys.
SCARLETT
Commander....
SCARLETT
Major Bludd!
MAJ. BLUDD
Start the attack! Get Senator Roberts and General Grant! They'll make mighty good hostages for Cobra.
JOES
Yo Joe!
FOOTLOOSE
We gotta cut 'em off from the bleachers!
MAJ. BLUDD
Cobra!
MAJ. BLUDD
Bloody dogs! Blow the Joes to smithereens!
ROADBLOCK
Footloose, get me next to the lead tank!
FOOTLOOSE
You got it!
SCARLETT
Form a circle around the tanks!
MAJ. BLUDD
Now I know how Custer felt!
SCARLETT
Footloose, look out!
COBRA
Tough luck, my beauty.
SCARLETT
Oh, look out behind you!
COBRA
You expect me to fall for that old gag?
SCARLETT
Good work, cadet! Thanks!
CADET
Our pleasure, ma'am.
ROADBLOCK
How we doin' here, Footloose?
FOOTLOOSE
We ain't gonna be doin' nothin' if we don't get some help fast!
SCARLETT (in a Southern accent)
Hey, big boy!
CADET
Wow, that's some kinda soldier.
CADETS
Yo Joe!
ROADBLOCK
Lay down your weapons, Cobra!
COBRA OFFICER
Never! It'd take ten of you to every one of us!
SCARLETT
Would you believe fifty to one?
MAJ. BLUDD
Time to exit, I believe.
SCARLETT
It's all over, Cobras. You can't win. You're outnumbered. We'll give you five seconds to surrender.
SCARLETT
One...two...three...four...five!
COBRA #1
We give up!
COBRA #2
We surrender!
COBRA #3
Don't shoot!
EXT. FIREHOUSE - SUNSET
INT. FIREHOUSE
SCARLETT
This day has been too much! Let me rest my feet for a minute. Then I'm going straight home and right to bed.
SCARLETT
Well, aren't you gonna get it?
BARBECUE
Don't look at me. I've had it with phones today.
SCARLETT
Hello.
THE VIPER (PHONE)
The Viper is coming tomorrow. Top floor first.
SCARLETT
Who are you?
THE VIPER (PHONE)
The Viper. I am the Viper. Bye.
BARBECUE
Well?
SCARLETT
We've gotta go back to Headquarters. The Viper strikes again.
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
SCARLETT
Come in, Wild Bill. Do you read me? Over!
WILD BILL
Loud and clear, Scarlett! I got this here Extensive Enterprises tower scoped out. But from where I sit, she's mighty peaceful.
BARBECUE
What do you think, Scarlett? The Viper only said "top floor first." He didn't say which top floor, or which building.
SCARLETT
Well, the Extensive tower is the tallest building in the world. So there's no top floor that'll top that one.
BARBECUE
Guess it's worth takin' a look inside.
SCARLETT
Back us up, Roadblock.
ROADBLOCK
You got it.
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
DESTRO
The Joes are intercepting our every move! This Viper must be tipping them off! You, Major Bludd are the most likely candidate.
MAJ. BLUDD
Me, the Viper? Do you realize how close I came to bein' captured by those G. I. Joe blokes?
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) He can't be (T) the Viper. (X) Blood's been with us (T) constantly for the (X) last twenty-four hours!
DESTRO
Say nothing more, or I will suspect you, too.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T and X) Oh, come now. (X) Do you have any idea (T) of all the man hours involved in (X) financing, (T) planning, (T and X) and building a new Cobra R & R center? (T) Why would we tell the Joes where we are located?
COBRA
We're surrounded by G. I. Joes!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) The Viper (X) has struck again!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - LOBBY
SCARLETT
So far, so good.
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - ELEVATOR
BARBECUE
Let's see what's on this top floor.
SCARLETT
Look!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
BREAKER
Something's gone wrong.
ROADBLOCK
Let's go!
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - LOBBY
ZARTAN
Hello, Joes!
ROADBLOCK
Roadblock to Wild Bill! We have entered the building and....
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
WILD BILL
Come back., Roadblock! Your transmission was garbled!
WILD BILL
Oh, dangit! Where'd he come from?
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - ELEVATOR
DESTRO
Well, if isn't little Scarlett O'Hara!
SCARLETT (in a Southern accent)
Why Destro, I do declare! Don't tell me you're the little ol' Viper!
DESTRO
No. I am not the Viper. But we will soon find out who is. Disarm these foolish G I Joes!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
WILD BILL
Surprise!
WILD BILL
Dangit! Another one!
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
DESTRO
The time has come to get to the bottom of this Viper business.
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
DESTRO
This little game will now come to an end!
DESTRO
Drop that weapon!
XAMOT
My hand!
SCARLETT
Barbecue! Snake-Eyes! Over here!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
ALPINE
Come on, Footloose. We've gotta get up there some time this week!
FOOTLOOSE
I'm comin'. I'm comin'.
ALPINE
Well, move it, or we're gonna be street pizzas in no time flat.
ALPINE
Here comes a rerun!
ALPINE
Uh-oh.
COBRA
Bye-bye, G. I. Joe!
WILD BILL
Hey, you guys need a lift?
FOOTLOOSE
No thanks, Wild Bill! We got everything under...
FOOTLOOSE
...control!
WILD BILL
Yeah, I guess you do!
ALPINE
Onward and upward!
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
SCARLETT
Barbecue, this is getting serious!
BARBECUE
Yeah, we could use a little help!
FOOTLOOSE
All you had to do was ask!
XAMOT
The escape shaft, quick!
MAJ. BLUDD
All right, let's pack it in!
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - LOBBY
GREENSHIRTS
Yo Joe!
COBRA
Zartan, we're outnumbered! We must surrender!
ZARTAN
Surrender? Zartan never surrenders!
COBRA
Yeah, well that's easy for you to say. We give up! We're through!
ROADBLOCK
All right, enough! They've had it!
EXT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - SUNSET
INT. ENTERPRISE TOWER - TOP FLOOR
SCARLETT
Well, what's he got to say?
BARBECUE
Nothin' he doesn't know who the Viper is.
ROADBLOCK
Destro and Major Bludd don't know.
BARBECUE
And the Twins don't know, either.
SCARLETT
I'm beginning to wonder if the Viper even knows who he is.
EXT. FIREHOUSE - SUNRISE
INT. FIREHOUSE
BARBECUE
Hello?
THE VIPER (PHONE)
This is the Viper. I be there at noon today. Be ready.
EXT. FIREHOUSE - NOON
SCARLETT
Twelve noon, straight up.
ROADBLOCK
Look!
THE VIPER
Mister Barbecue?
BARBECUE
I'm Barbecue.
THE VIPER
I'm the Viper. I've come to vipe your vindows. Five seventy-five an hour. I start on west corner, top floor first.

THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT

INT. SCIENCE LAB
PROFESSOR BULLOCK
Gentlemen, you're seeing history in the making.
BAZOOKA
History?
ALPINE
Yeah. He just invented the world's biggest Roman candle.
BAZOOKA
Really?
BARBECUE
This is an important ecological experimentation, Alpine. Let me show you.
BARBECUE
Professor Bullock has developed a nitrogen-based fuel that doesn't leave a trace of pollution. And as you can see, it, uh, gets more miles to the gallon.
BULLOCK
Now, if you're finished, I have work to do!
BARBECUE
What's eatin' him?
INT. JANITOR'S CLOSET
CRIMSON GUARD 9 [Corey Burton?]
This is Crimson Guard Nine. Come in, Cobra HQ.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER (V.O.)
Come in, Number Nine. This is Cobra Commander. Have you got the fuel?
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - COMMAND CENTER
CRIMSON GUARD 9 (COMM.)
It's heavily guarded. The G. I. Joes are....
INT. JANITOR'S CLOSET
COBRA COMMANDER (COMM.)
No excuses! Just do it!
INT. SCIENCE LAB
BULLOCK
The fuel is still too unstable to allow outside the lab. We don't know how it might react in a real environment. And until we do, the fuel must be kept at a constant temperature.
CRIMSON GUARD 9
I hope I'm not disturbin' you. I've just come to clean up things a bit.
BULLOCK
How did you get past security? This is a classified area.
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Huh? Oh, no.
BULLOCK
You imbecile!
CRIMSON GUARD 9
I'm sorry, Professor. I'll have that cleaned up right away.
CRIMSON GUARD 9
I'm really sorry!
ALPINE
Hold it right there, buddy!
CRIMSON GUARD 9
No, you hold it!
ALPINE
Get that guy!
WILD BILL
Give it up, buckaroo! The barn door's locked, and there ain't no other way out!
BULLOCK
You must be out of your mind! I'm reporting you to your supervisor!
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Good luck, Professor. My supervisor's Cobra!
ALPINE
Cobra?
ALPINE
Let me guess. You always wanted to join the circus, right?
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Welcome to the act, clown!
ALPINE
Exactly where do you expect this to get you?
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Out!
BAZOOKA
No way!
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Here's some trash for your can, dino-brain!
BAZOOKA
Gotcha!
BAZOOKA
Don't gotcha.
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Considerate of your friend, making an exit for me!
EXT. SCIENCE LAB - DAY
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Ho ho, Joe!
ALPINE
Come on, let's get 'em!
ALPINE
Well, watcha waitin' for, an invitation from the White House?
WILD BILL
Hey, my mama didn't raise no mountain goats.
ALPINE
Can't tell it by looin'.
BARBECUE
We'll meet you at the bottom.
ALPINE
Suit yourself.
BAZOOKA
Uh, wait up.
ALPINE
No, Bazooka!
BAZOOKA
That...that was easy.
WILD BILL
Well, you sure 'nuff beat us down here. Did you get the bad guy?
ALPINE
No.
WILD BILL
Yeah, them Cobra's are slipperier than new soap. Hop in.
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
CRIMSON GUARD 9
G. I. Joe!
INT. GREENHOUSE
CRIMSON GUARD 9
That was close.
INT. LATHROP HOUSE
HARVEY LATHROP [Corey Burton?]
Believe me, officer. I know the difference between an intruder and a banana plant, especially my own banana plant.
HARVEY
What do you mean "real emergency"? It can't be half as bad as what I've got!
INT. GREENHOUSE
POLICE OFFICER #1
Well, whaddya know? Harvey actually had an intruder!
POLICE OFFICER #2
Yeah. That breaks his record of a hundred and eighty-seven false alarms.
POLICE OFFICER #1
Okay, fella. Just come with us.
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Thanks for the workout, guys.
HARVEY
Forgive me, baby, but I had to do it. He's obviously after my secret plant food formula.
HARVEY
Thank you for your swift attention, officer. I don't even know what I'd have done without you.
POLICE OFFICER #1
Yeah. Don't mention it.
POLICE OFFICER #2
Please don't mention it!
HARVEY
The bad man is gone now, children. But if he comes back, I'll be here to protect you. Nothing will stop you from growing big and strong! You'll be the hit of the county fair, and I'll make a fortune selling my Super-Grr-oh! Plant Food. And no one will laugh at Harvey Lathrop again!
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
EXT. LOCAL JAIL - DAY
INT. LOCAL JAIL - CELL
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) You were arrested for (X) assaulting two policemen. (T) How could you (X) be so stupid?
CRIMSON GUARD 9
I didn't have much choice, did I? Cobra....
TOMAX AND XAMOT
Shh!
CRIMSON GUARD 9
Cobra Commander wouldn't have been very happy if I'd lost that fuel canister.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Exactly where is (X) the rocket fuel canister (T and X) now?
CRIMSON GUARD 9
I stashed it in some guy's greenhouse.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) But there must be (X) a thousand greenhouses in this town! (T) Wait, I've got a (X) marvelous idea. (T) We blanket the city with (X) Crimson Guards dressed like normal people. (T) We'll find the canister (X) in no time. (T and X) Brilliant!
EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
GREENHOUSE OWNER [Michael Bell]
Whatcha doin', Missy?
CRIMSON GUARD POLLSTER
Just taking a census! You have just the one greenhouse, sir?
GREENHOUSE OWNER
Any fool can see that!
CRIMSON GUARD POLLSTER
Do you grow banana plants in pots?
GREENHOUSE OWNER
I sure do. And I can buy 'em at the county fair tomorrow. Now get!
HOMEMAKER
No, we don't grow banana plants in our greenhouse, but I'd still like a free copy of your magazine.
CRIMSON GUARD SALESMAN
Ah, forget it.
RESPONSIBLE BUSINESSMAN
No, you cannot "sack out in my greenhouse among my potted banana plants."
INT. HOUSE - DOORWAY
RESPONSIBLE BUSINESS
Sleeping with banana plants? Geez, must be from California.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - NIGHT
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - THRONE ROOM
DESTRO
None of the Crimson Guard troopers have been able to locate the fuel sample yet.
COBRA COMMANDER
This is your fault, Destro! I would now have the fuel in my possession if not for your bungling!
DESTRO
You're foaming at the mouth again, Cobra Commander. I wasn't even there.
COBRA COMMANDER
You should've been, Destro. You should've been!
DESTRO
Very well. I will find the sample myself and return with it before the sun sets on another day. Anything to get away from your lunatic ravings.
EXT. GREENHOUSE - NIGHT
HARVEY
Wow! I did it! I did it! I've invented a super plant food! This could get me on a big-time TV talk show! Starting tomorrow, no one will be laughing at Harvey Lathrop anymore!
HARVEY
Sleep well, babies. The county fair is tomorrow.
EXT. COUNTY FAIR - DAY
HARVEY
And this is nothing, folks! This is peanuts! In fact, you should see what Harvey's Super-Grr-oh! Plant Food does for peanuts!
SKEPTIC [Frank Welker]
It looks like a banana, but what's it taste like?
HARVEY
Come sample for yourself. Well, don't be bashful! There's plenty for everyone.
SKEPTIC
Hey! Get this thing off me! Somebody, get this thing off!
CROWD
Let's get outta here!, etc.
EXT. CITY ROAD - DAY
WILD BILL (COMM.)
Break off the search. Somethin' funny's goin' on over at the county fair.
ALPINE
What is it?
EXT. COUNTY FAIR - DAY
WILD BILL
I can't rightly say, but there's more commotion there than a bear in a beehive.
ALPINE
Somethin' all right, but I don't know what.
HARVEY
What is it you want? More water? More fertilizer? I'll do anything.
HARVEY
Is that any way to talk to your father?
BAZOOKA
Oh, no!
HARVEY
Help!
ALPINE
Yo Joe!
ALPINE
This is no time to play tricks on your old pal! Where are you, you big Bazooka?
ALPINE
Is everything all right?
BAZOOKA
Needs sour cream.
ALPINE
Uh-oh. Company!
ALPINE
It's Cobra!
WILD BILL
Drop it, Destro, and don't make any sudden moves!
ALPINE
Not so fast, chrome dome!
DESTRO
Give it up, Joes! I've got the rocket fuel!
BARBECUE
Okay, Destro, you wanna play hardball?
BARBECUE
He's not out of commission yet. Move in alongside him.
BARBECUE
Hey, Destro! Want me to put your fire out?
BARBECUE
This extinguishing foam should short-circuit his controls.
DESTRO
You'll pay for your insolence!
DESTRO
Let me show you how to fly, Joe!
ALPINE
Nice piloting, Wild Bill, but you lost your Dragonfly.
WILD BILL
Yeah, but I saved the world.
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - NIGHT
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - THRONE ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
You call this success? You let them have the fuel, and bring me a bean?
DESTRO
But....
COBRA COMMANDER
I fear for your sanity, Destro.
DESTRO
But it's more than just nitrogen rocket fuel! It's a super nitrogen fertilizer!
COBRA COMMANDER
Take him away.
DESTRO
With expendable fruits and vegetables replacing Cobra's ground troops, we could overrun the world!
COBRA COMMANDER
Bah!
EXT. COBRA DESERT BASE - NIGHT
INT. COBRA DESERT BASE - DUNGEON
COBRA COMMANDER
I hope you have regained your senses, Destro.
DESTRO
Fool!
COBRA COMMANDER
Help me! Somebody!
DESTRO
Do you understand now? How do you stop a grapefruit tree that grows fourteen stories high and rains fruit the size of wrecking balls on the street below? Even your minuscule imagination must be able to conjure the carnage that would be wrought if we covered the city with these mutated beans!
COBRA COMMANDER
Have a care, Destro!
DESTRO
All the seeds we need can be found at a greenhouse in South Dakota.
COBRA COMMANDER
You are right, my friend. We can take over the world.
DESTRO
But a show of force is necessary first. We will cultivate Chicago. That will prove we mean business.
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
WILD BILL
Wild Bill here.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
BREAKER (V.O.)
This is an emergency situation. Head for Chicago.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER (CONT.)
The city is bein' overrun by plants. The mayor has received an ultimatum from Cobra Commander. He demands that the city be turned over to Cobra, or it will be turned into a giant weed patch. Airtight's workin' on a super weed spray. How's it comin', Airtight?
AIRTIGHT
Workin' as fast as we can. We'll get it to you as soon as possible.
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
WILD BILL
Read you loud and clear, ol' buddy.
EXT. CHICAGO - EXTENSIVE ENTERPRISES BUILDING
TOMAX AND XAMOT (singing)
A-planting we will go! A-planting we will go!
Hi-ho, a-merry-O! A-planting we will go!
EXT. CHICAGO - CITY STREETS
BARBECUE (O.C.)
Welcome to Chicago! Oranges at twelve o'clock!
SHIPWRECK
Well, I guess that's one way to get your minimum daily requirement of Vitamin C!
POLLY
How would you know, barnacle breath?
SHIPWRECK
Cut me some slack, Polly.
EXT. CHICAGO - EXTENSIVE ENTERPRISES BUILDING
ALPINE
School's out, boys.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) G. I. (T) Joe!
ALPINE
Gotta do something now!
ALPINE
Xamot, doesn't your brother like you anymore? Thanks for flyin' G. I. Joe Airlines! Have a nice trip!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Come on, brother, let's (X) get out of here!
ALPINE
Imagine findin' them in your salad! Yuck!
DESTRO
Help yourself, Joe! The roughage will do you good!
DESTRO
Don't you good guys ever give up?
WILD BILL
No! That's why we're the good guys!
EXT. CHICAGO - CITY STREETS
BAZOOKA
Lasers have no effect!
SHIPWRECK
If we don't do somethin' quick we're gonna be buried in a tomb of squash!
POLLY
Squashed by a squash!
SHIPWRECK
Shut up.
AIRTIGHT
Hate usin' this before it's been properly tested, but it's now or never.
SHIPWRECK
Well, what do you know?
POLLY
Not much, barnacle brain!
SHIPWRECK
Keep it up, shark bait!
AIRTIGHT
If I can crystallize this gas and seed those clouds before it rains, I bet I could make Cobra's plans backfire!
BAZOOKA
Let's talk about it over lunch!
EXT. CHICAGO - OVERCAST
BARBECUE
If this defoliant of yours doesn't work, I'm buyin' a lot of stock in salad forks!
WILD BILL
Yeehoo! Caught in your own trap!
WILD BILL
And another Cobra game is rained out!
EXT. COUNTY FAIR - DAY
HARVEY
Yessiree! It was right then and there that G. I. Joe came to me and asked for my advice.
FORMER SKEPTIC
Tell us more, Harvey!
KID
Yes, do! What happened next?
HARVEY
Well it weren't easy, let me tell you.
WILD BILL
That Harvey'd do Paul Bunyan proud.
AIRTIGHT
Hold on, guys. I got me an idea.
KID
Weren't you scared?
HARVEY
Scared? Me? Why, I don't even know the meaning of the word.

THE GAMESMASTER

INT. VILLA - GAME ROOM
GAMESMASTER [Neil Ross or Pat Fraley?]
Checkmate. I'm bored. I want to play a new game, Coco, a game where real people fight for their lives. A game where I can play but can't get hurt. Let's play my new game, Coco. What do you think?
COCO
Boring.
GAMESMASTER
It will be fun, Coco! Just wait!
EXT. HIGH RISE - DAY
GAMESMASTER (V.O.)
First, we have catch them like butterflies, when they think they are safe.
INT. HIGH RISE - PARKING GARAGE
GAMESMASTER (CONT., V.O.)
This is Flint, second in command of the G. I. Joe Team.
INT. HIGH RISE - LOBBY
GAMESMASTER (CONT., V.O.)
He is returning home from a mission. He suspects nothing.
INT. HIGH RISE - ELEVATOR
EXT. HIGH-RISE - DAY
INT. CLOTHING STORE
GAMESMASTER (V.O.)
This is Lady Jaye. Clothes are like candy to her. I know just what dress she will pick, Coco.
GAMESMASTER (V.O.)
Hmm. I thought she'd like the other one.
INT. CLOTHING STORE - DRESSING ROOM
COCO (V.O.)
Gamesmaster likes Lady?
GAMESMASTER (V.O.)
I do not have a crush on her, Coco!
LADY JAYE
Hey! What's going on? Get me out of here! Put me down! Get, get...open the door! What's happening?
INT. COBRA BASE - HOT TUB
GAMESMASTER (V.O.)
This is the Baroness, a brilliant and resourceful Cobra agent.
EXT. COBRA BASE - CEREMONY
GAMESMASTER (V.O.)
This is Cobra Commander. He craves power, but when he feels most powerful, he is most vulnerable.
DESTRO
I do not understand what satisfaction you derive from these vulgar processions.
DESTRO
Security forces!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
GUNG-HO
It's not like Flint and Lady Jaye to blow town without tellin' us.
DUKE
I'm worried, real worried.
SCARLETT
Let's just come out and say it. They were....
EXT. COBRA BASE - CEREMONY
DESTRO
...Kidnapped. Our leader and the Baroness have been kidnapped?
ZARTAN
By whom, Destro? Perhaps by someone who wants to be the new Cobra leader, like yourself?
DESTRO
That is absurd. There is only one group who would dare this.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
DUKE
Cobra! But they're not gonna get away with it!
EXT. COBRA BASE - CEREMONY
DESTRO
G. I. Joe will learn a bitter lesson. First, we must lure one of them into our hands, and then....
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - VILLA
INT. VILLA - NURSERY
FLINT
What the...
BARONESS
What is that horrible noise?
COBRA COMMANDER
Where am I?
LADY JAYE
Flint, am I glad to see you. But where are we?
GAMESMASTER (COMM.)
Good morning, players! I am the Gamesmaster.
INT. VILLA - GAME ROOM
GAMESMASTER
Welcome to my game. As there are no rules, it will be an easy game to learn. Hidden somewhere on this island is a one-man helicopter. The winner is the one who finds it and flies away.
INT. VILLA - NURSERY
FLINT
What happens to the losers?
INT. VILLA - GAME ROOM
GAMESMASTER
They die! Good luck, and have fun.
INT. VILLA - NURSERY
COBRA COMMANDER
Do you know who I am? You can't do this to me! I will make you suffer....
LADY JAYE
They're toys!
TOY SOLDIER
Ready...
COBRA COMMANDER
They're going to shoot!
TOY SOLDIER
Aim...
COBRA COMMANDER
Do something, somebody!
FLINT
Dive!
TOY SOLDIER
Fire!
FLINT
It's not toy ammo! Let's get outta here!
COBRA COMMANDER
Wait for me!
TOY SOLDIER
Fire!
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - VILLA
GAMESMASTER (V.O.)
I like games that begin with a bang!
COBRA COMMANDER
Silence! No one laughs at me! From here on, we go our separate ways!
FLINT
Hey, fine by me.
EXT. GREENLAND - DAY
ACE
Ace to Breaker. I'm on station over Greenland.
BREAKER (COMM.)
Roger. Keep an eye peeled. We hear Cobra's slitherin' around somewhere below you.
ACE
I'll find 'em.
SNOW SERPENT [Arthur Burghardt]
SkyStriker at four o'clock. Fire.
ACE
Third SkyStriker this month. Duke's not gonna be pleased.
ACE
Uh-oh. Okay guys, I get the message.
DESTRO
How kind of you to drop in, Ace. I have need of certain information from you.
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - FOREST
LADY JAYE
What kind of place is this, Flint?
FLINT
I don't know, Lady Jaye, but I smell candy. That looks like licorice on that tree, and marshmallows on that one. We're in a candy forest.
LADY JAYE
That can't be real!
FLINT
I think it is. I took a caramel apple.
LADY JAYE
Hmm. This look like bon bon berries.
FLINT
Look out!
LADY JAYE
Flint, help!
BARONESS
Cobra!
FLINT
Hold it, Baroness! I said, hold it!
BARONESS
Bigoted pig!
FLINT
You're good, Baroness...but I'm better!
LADY JAYE
Get me out of here! Im' sinking in caramel!
COBRA COMMANDER
Not caramel, butterscotch!
FLINT
What do we do now, Baroness? We can either save them or we can fight. There's no time to do both.
BARONESS
You get Lady Jaye out first, you might double team me. If I get the Commander out first, we will definitely jump you.
FLINT
I'll tell you what, Baroness: you'll just have to trust me. You save Lady Jaye, I'll save Cobra Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
This is disgusting!
EXT. SWAMP - NIGHT
GUNG-HO
The coast is clear.
DUKE
Let's do it.
GUNG-HO
All right! Scarlett remembered to pack Baby!
INT. ZARTAN'S LAB
ZARTAN
No, don't shoot! Those vials are full of deadly swamp flu!
DUKE
Then talk fast, or we're all gonna need bed rest and plenty of Aspirin.
INT. VILLA - GAME ROOM
GAMESMASTER
Watch this, Coco. It's a real Hoho.
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - HILLS
FLINT
I'll lead us back into the villa and surprise the Gamesmaster.
COBRA COMMANDER
Very clever, Flint. How considerate of you. You set off the alarms, and we straggle behind to get captured.
FLINT
All right, you go first.
COBRA COMMANDER
And turn my back on you? How stupid do you think I am?
LADY JAYE
Have you got a better idea?
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes! We find the helicopter and I fly it to safety. I will immediately dispatch troops to rescue you.
BARONESS
Even I cannot swallow that one.
COBRA COMMANDER
Whose side are you on?
BARONESS
The same side you are on. My own.
COBRA COMMANDER
Look!
FLINT
Run for it!
COBRA COMMANDER
No! Help me! Help me!
LADY JAYE
Flint, no! It's too dangerous!
FLINT
I've got to try! G. I. Joe is dedicated to saving lives, even Cobra Commander's!
FLINT
Uh-oh. I think it worked.
LADY JAYE
Flint! Look out behind you!
LADY JAYE
Flint!
LADY JAYE
No!
LADY JAYE
This can't be happening!
GAMESMASTER (COMM.)
One down, three to go!
BARONESS
He was a good fighter, Lady Jaye. But think not of sorrow. Think of revenge--revenge upon that accursed Gamesmaster!
EXT. COBRA BASE - ENTRANCE
DESTRO (V.O.)
Tell me where G. I. Joe has taken Cobra Commander and the Baroness. I will resort to extreme measures.
INT. COBRA BASE - INTERROGATION ROOM
ACE
Listen up, chrome dome, we don't know where they are, so save yourself a lot of trouble and return Flint and Lady Jaye.
DESTRO
What are you talking about?
ACE
The Joes you kidnapped, remember?
DESTRO
You are testing my patience, Ace. What is it?
TELE-VIPER
Distress call from Swamp Lab Two. G. I. Joe agents have Zartan.
DESTRO
Let them keep him adn his germs.
TELE-VIPER
Will exchange hostages for Flint and the Lady Jaye.
DESTRO
What?
ACE
Son of a gun, you really didn't know!
INT. ZARTAN'S LAB
GUNG-HO
Say, I got a better idea, Duke. What if we only make Zartan sick?
DUKE
I've heard worse.
ZARTAN
What about my human rights?
GUNG-HO
Talk or drink!
ZARTAN
Shoot me! Anything! But don't give me that!
DUKE
Then where are Flint and Lady Jaye?
ZARTAN
Probably with Cobra Commander and the Baroness!
DUKE
Give him a swig.
DESTRO
Greetings, Joe Team. It seems that we have a problem in common.
DUKE
The only problem we have is you.
GUNG-HO
And you're pretty common!
DESTRO
Incorrect. Two of our agents and two of yours have been kidnapped, all apparently by a third party.
DUKE
No third party could pull it off.
DESTRO
There is no other logical explanation.
DUKE
How do you know?
DESTRO
First you must promise me your cooperation.
DUKE
Give me one good reason to trust you.
DESTRO
Cobra agents, drop your weapons.
DUKE
That's a good reason. All right. Give me the low down.
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - CEMETERY
FLINT
Hello, suckers!
FLINT
Rust in peace.
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - JUNGLE
COBRA COMMANDER (mumbling)
An organization of ten thousand men and I'm stuck in the jungle! I can't stand....
BARONESS
Look!
LADY JAYE
The helicopter!
COBRA COMMANDER
At last! I will fly to the nearest island and send help when I arrive.
LADY JAYE
You don't mean you'd leave two defenseless women to fend for themselves?
COBRA COMMANDER
Yes!
BARONESS
/line missing; no audio on tape/
LADY JAYE
I'll settle it. I'll take the copter!
BARONESS
Better you than him!
INT. VILLA - GAME ROOM
GAMESMASTER
If there's one thing I hate, it is mowing the lawn.
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - JUNGLE
GAMESMASTER (V.O.)
I hate lawnmowers!
INT. VILLA - GAME ROOM
GAMESMASTER
Mow, mow, mow them down! Chop them as they run! Whirlily, whirlily, whirlily, whirlily! I'm having so much fun!
GAMESMASTER
What is so funny, Coco? I haven't heard you laugh in so long!
FLINT
Now we're playing my game. Turn it off, or get hurt.
FLINT
Uh-oh.
GAMESMASTER
You cheat! You cheat!
FLINT
Lady Jaye!
GAMESMASTER
You cheated! I'm gonna tell on you!
FLINT
Flint to Joe Team!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
BREAKER
Hey, listen to this, guys!
FLINT (COMM.)
I don't know where I am, so trace this broadcast. Some guy named the Gamesmaster has managed somehow to...
BREAKER
Flint, this is Breaker! Come in! Aw, it's dead! But I zeroed in on his position.
DUKE
Good. Alert Cobra and dispatch a strike team.
GUNG-HO
You really want us to tell Cobra?
DUKE
No, but a deal's a deal.
INT. VILLA - GAME ROOM
GAMESMASTER
More players! Yippee! All I have to do is activate the island defenses and watch the fun!
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - COAST
ACE
Will you look at that?
ACE
Whoa!
ACE
Let's give 'em a trip to Davy Jones' locker! I'm headin' in!
DUKE
Every time you do that, Ace, it gets expensive.
DUKE
Time to shut down the missile works!
DESTRO
Agreed.
ZARTAN
You're good!
SCARLETT
The competition keeps us in shape.
INT. VILLA - GAME ROOM
GAMESMASTER
My water rocket defense is finished! My ships are sunk, and my troops are in trouble! All my toys are broken, and it's your fault!
GAMESMASTER
Nya, nya! Ya can't catch me!
FLINT
Look out!
ROBOTS
Punish them! Punish them! Punish them!, etc.
DUKE
Now, where's this Gamesmaster character?
FLINT
He went through there.
DUKE
Come on!
DESTRO
Where is Cobra Commander?
FLINT
Knee deep in a marshmallow swamp.
DESTRO
Is that your idea of a joke?
FLINT
Okay, look for yourself.
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - VILLA
GAMESMASTER
There will be another game, Joe and Cobra. And next time, I will win!
EXT. GAMESMASTER'S ISLAND - BATTLEFIELD
COBRA COMMANDER
Look at us! It is a pity we could not combine our forces! Imagine the power we could have!
FLINT
You think so? We almost got greased by toy soldiers.
COBRA COMMANDER
I've had enough of your sarcasm for one day. Go! Get out of here!
FLINT
Okay. We'll be goin'.
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh, very clever, Flint. How considerate of you! You'll take off, then circle back and destroy our planes on the ground!
FLINT
Then you go first.
COBRA COMMANDER
And turn our backs to you? How stupid do you think I am?
LADY JAYE
Look, have you got a better idea?

TWENTY QUESTIONS

EXT. COMBAT RANGE - DAY
FLINT
Yo Joe!
ALPINE
Yo Joe!
SHIPWRECK
Eat hot salt tabs, ya scurvy landlubbers!
SHIPWRECK
Ah, ya got me!
ALPINE
Shipwreck, that is pathetic.
SHIPWRECK
Says you. I thought I deserved an Oscar.
ALPINE
Yeah, my uncle Oscar, the moocher.
SCARLETT (O.C.)
Cease fire! Everybody, cease firing! Civilians in the battle area!
ALPINE
Aw, nuts! Just when the fight was getting dirty.
HECTOR RAMIREZ [Neil Ross]
Are we ready, Tom?
TOM [Frank Welker]
We're rollin'!
RAMIREZ
Good. This is Hector Ramirez reporting for your TV news magazine Twenty Questions. And below us is the G. I. Joe Team, America's special anti-terrorist task force. But does America need them? Some people claim the Joes are a needless military extravagance at best, and a blatant rip-off of the American taxpayer at work. Cut! Okay, how was that?
ARNOLD [Michael Bell?]
Yes, yes, perfect! Perfect!
FLINT
Okay, what in the name of sanity are you people doin' here? This is a restricted area!
RAMIREZ
How do you answer the claim that Cobra is only an elaborate hoax to bilk the government of billions of dollars?
FLINT
What?
GUNG-HO
Careful, Flint. That's that TV news guy.
ALPINE
Yeah. He'll feed you lines and hang you with 'em.
FLINT
Uh, sorry, no comment at this time.
RAMIREZ
Then I demand to see your commanding officer.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DUKE'S OFFICE
FLINT
Duke's off base. He won't be back for a couple of hours. But you gentlemen can wait here in his office, and I'll get a guide to show you around the base.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - HALLWAY
ALPINE
Now what, semi-fearless leader?
FLINT
Find a guide and call for Duke.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DUKE'S OFFICE
RAMIREZ
Well, if they're siphoning off millions, they sure aren't spending it on interior decorating.
ARNOLD
That, that's what they want you to think! My friends, the Committee On Basic Reductions of Armies, has conclusive proof that the entire G. I. Joe-Cobra conflict is faked! F-A-K-E-D! Faked!
TOM
Come off it! I've seen the news footage. It's real.
ARNOLD
Oh, well, Hector if you're gonna let the hired help influence the decisions....
TOM
Hired help?
RAMIREZ
Cool it, Tom. I make the decisions. Hmm, I wonder if there's an Emmy in this for me?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - REC ROOM
SHIPWRECK
Ah, gentlemen, observe the properties of the cue ball. So round, so firm. Wanna bet I can make it sit up and bark?
SPIRIT
What the universe wills the ball to do, it shall do. There are no games in chance in the....
SHIPWRECK
Good ol' Spirit. Mr. Frivolity.
FLINT
Shipwreck, I've got a job for you.
SHIPWRECK
Oh, sorry. Can't take it, Flint. I was killed in action during maneuvers.
FLINT
Look, stow it, Shipwreck. I have three civilians who need babysitting.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AIRFIELD
SHIPWRECK
And here's where we keep our Sky Hawks, SkyStrikers, and Dragonflies.
RAMIREZ
What about Sky Hawk cost overruns?
SHIPWRECK
I don't know nothin' about it.
ARNOLD
He, he's just putting up obstacles!
SHIPWRECK
Obstacles, huh? You wanna see obstacles?
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - OBSTACLE COURSE
SHIPWRECK
Over there, you got what you got your swingin' log obstacle...and your tire obstacle...and your brick wall obstacle.
ARNOLD
Oh, p-perfect training, if you plan to fight...to fight in a playground!
SHIPWRECK
I'll show you our playground, mate!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - LIGHT WEAPONS RANGE
SHIPWRECK
This is our light weapons range. We practice on pop-up cardboard targets.
ARNOLD
How appropriate, since your enemy is also a cardboard fabrication!
SHIPWRECK
That does it, you blasted bilge rats! I'll prove to you once and for all that Cobra's for real!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - THREAT UPDATE ROOM
SHIPWRECK
You! I told you to stay outside! No filmin' in here! Top secret!
ARNOLD
Uh, wouldn't it be better if all these computers were used to stop world hunger, instead of....
SHIPWRECK
What are you gonna do? Feed the world a short stack of floppy disks?
ARNOLD
Well it makes more sense than fighting senseless battles against non-existent - NON-EXISTENT ENEMIES!
SHIPWRECK
Senseless, huh? Non-existent, huh? The computer says our made-up snakes have got somethin' cookin' in the Rockies. Let's just take a trip and see, huh?
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AIRFIELD
SHIPWRECK
Just lay low 'til we get outta here. I'll show you some real Cobra activity.
RIP CORD
Hey, Shipwreck, what's up?
SHIPWRECK
Uh, just takin' her up for a test flight, guys.
ACE
Need a co-pilot?
SHIPWRECK
No, uh, no, no thanks, Ace.
ACE
Hey, I thought he was supposed to be showin' some civilians around.
SHIPWRECK
Next stop, the Rockies!
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
ZARTAN
Get ready. Another aircraft approaches.
INT. HIDDEN BASE - WEAPONS ROOM
RIPPER
Heading straight at us, mate.
BUZZER
Cor! I ain't destroyed nothin' in two or three days!
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
ARNOLD
What a waste of taxpayers' time and money! Joyriding over the Rockies!
SHIPWRECK
Joyride? If we spot Cobra, this is one ride you'll never forget!
ZARTAN
Fire.
INT. HIDDEN BASE - WEAPONS ROOM
BUZZER
Right, then.
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
SHIPWRECK
Uh-oh, SAM!
ARNOLD
My name is Arnold, not Sam!
SHIPWRECK
Not Sam! S-A-M! Surface-to-Air Missile! Now shut up and let me fly!
SHIPWRECK
Told you you'd never forget this ride! Now all we've gotta do is live through it!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - HALLWAY
COVER GIRL
Shipwreck? Hey, Shipwreck! Where are you?
GUNG-HO
Flint wants you and your guests!
GUNG-HO
Ace, Rip Cord, either of you guys seen Shipwreck?
ACE
He took off.
GUNG-HO
Took off?
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - THREAT ROOM
RIP CORD
Said he was goin' on a test flight. I thought it looked suspicious. So I checked around and found Shipwreck and those civilians had been here.
COVER GIRL
Bad news. If that computer's right, Shipwreck's heading toward the Rockies and certain death.
GUNG-HO
You mean Cobra?
COVER GIRL
I mean Duke, when he finds out.
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
ARNOLD
You're gonna kill us!
SHIPWRECK
Shut up! I know what I'm doin'!
SHIPWRECK
See, I told you I'd get us down safe.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - REC ROOM
ALPINE
Yucko! How disgustin'! Probably gonna die from some disease.
SPIRIT
Have no fear for my health, Alpine.
ALPINE
I don't. I'm worried about Freedom.
COVER GIRL
Alpine! We need your help. Shipwreck may be in trouble somewhere in the Rockies.
ALPINE
Naturally. Where else would you expect to find a sailor in trouble?
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
SHIPWRECK
We'll find that Cobra missile launcher around here somewhere.
ARNOLD
Missile launcher? Missile launcher? A wild goose chase to keep us from the story!
SHIPWRECK
I'll launch you if you don't keep your fool trap shut! Wait, listen.
SHIPWRECK
Hey! Hey! Over here! Yo Joe!
COVER GIRL
Keep a sharp eye peeled for Shipwreck and Cobra.
INT. HIDDEN BASE - WEAPONS ROOM
RIPPER
Zartan, I'm pickin' up something' on the radar.
ZARTAN
A Joe search party. Alert Cobra Commander and ready the missiles!
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
SHIPWRECK
Come back, ya scurvy hounds! Ah, my own buddies leavin' me strandin' out here with....
SHIPWRECK
What the...Cobra!
INT. HIDDEN BASE - WEAPONS ROOM
ZARTAN
Lock in on targets.
RIPPER
Right-o!
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
RAMIREZ
Shipwreck, what's going on?
SHIPWRECK
Get back! It's a Cobra missile! If it launches, we'll all be killed!
INT. HIDDEN BASE - WEAPONS ROOM
ZARTAN
Fire.
BUZZER
With pleasure, Zartan.
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
INT. HIDDEN BASE - WEAPONS ROOM
BUZZER
Zartan, the fire control mechanism is out!
ZARTAN
Cobra Commander must stop them while we fix the launcher!
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
COBRA COMMANDER (COMM.)
Rattlers, attack!
WILD WEASEL
Cobra!
COVER GIRL
Rattlers!
ALPINE
I'll be okay! Save yourselves! Yo Joe!
SHIPWRECK
They'll be slaughtered unless I re-rig this launcher!
WILD WEASEL
Wild Weasel to Rattler squadron! Don't let them get behind you!
SHIPWRECK
Got it!
WILD WEASEL
What? Missiles, on our tails!
SHIPWRECK
You can just ignore 'em, Arnold! They's all imaginary! How do you like that?
ZARTAN
Very clever. Had you remembered to watch behind you, it might have been worth it.
GUNG-HO
That's Shipwreck's copter, all right.
COVER GIRL
But where's the sailor boy himself?
ALPINE
You know him. Late to his own funeral.
INT. HIDDEN BASE - ELEVATOR
ARNOLD
It's all a fake, a fake I tell you!
RAMIREZ
Yes, Shipwreck. You'd better come clean while you still can.
ZARTAN
Silence!
INT. HIDDEN BASE
ANNOUNCER (COMM.)
Zero-three-nine contingency in the lower aft receiving dock. All troops report for briefing.
SHIPWRECK
Sufferin' seaweed!
ANNOUNCER (COMM.)
Tonight's movie is "The Amusement Park of Terror." It's mayhem on the merry-go-round and revenge on the roller coaster as the bad guys try to beat the good guys on the Ferris wheel.
COBRA COMMANDER
Good, Zartan! You've captured the intruders!
RAMIREZ
Who's that bozo?
SHIPWRECK
That moron is Cobra Commander.
COBRA COMMANDER
Your scouting mission was a failure, Shipwreck. Even if you'd /words missing/, you'd never be able to stop our assault on the Rocky Mountain Chemical Weapons Arsenal..
SHIPWRECK
You're after that explosive gas, the stuff the Army buried around here!
COBRA COMMANDER
You may have qualms about using such weapons, but Cobra does not!
RAMIREZ
Oh, now, wait just a minute! Can the charade! This is all a fake! Tell 'em Arnold.
"ARNOLD" (in the Baroness's voice)
Fool! You are the stupidest male I ever met!
SHIPWRECK
I coulda told you that.
BARONESS
You vain, babbling, moronic peacock! My mission was to undermine Joe support and morale by feeding you mindless drivel for your news program, but that...that sailor ruined everything!
SHIPWRECK
Glad to oblige, Baroness.
ANNOUNCER (COMM.)
Preliminary shock troops, prepare to move out. Now!
COBRA COMMANDER
Zartan, lead the operation. I will stay to monitor Joe activity.
COBRA COMMANDER
Within hours, all the explosive gas will belong to Cobra!
SHIPWRECK
And you're just the type to use it.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AIRFIELD
DUKE
I got here as fast as I could. This guy Hector Ramirez is the type of news man who loves doing a hatchet job on the military. Where is he?
FLINT
I don't know. I asked Shipwreck to take him around the base, and now he and Shipwreck are missing.
BREAKER
Duke, Flint! We intercepted a Cobra radio message. They're attackin' the Chemical Weapons Arsenal!
DUKE
We can't let them get that gas. Sound the alert! We'll worry about Ramirez later.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - HALLWAY
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - AIRFIELD
INT. HIDDEN BASE - TUNNEL
COBRA COMMANDER
Thanks to our tunneling machines, we found this previously undiscovered cavern! A perfect base for our operation!
SHIPWRECK
I always said you couldn't tell your base from a hole in the ground!
COBRA COMMANDER
I will not allow such impertinence, especially from an enlisted man! Baroness, do the honors!
BARONESS
With pleasure.
COBRA COMMANDER
Pulverize them!
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
GUNG-HO
Every Cobra trooper in the world was hidden in that mountain!
SPIRIT
He wants us to see something.
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - CLEARING
WILD WEASEL
Help, anybody! Help!
COVER GIRL
All right, we'll save you...for a price.
WILD WEASEL
Anything! Anything!
COVER GIRL
Where's Shipwreck and the others?
WILD WEASEL
I...I don't know.
COVER GIRL
Then adios.
WILD WEASEL
Wait! They might be in the cavern. Save me and I'll tell you how to sneak in.
GUNG-HO
Now talk.
INT. HIDDEN BASE - TUNNEL
RAMIREZ
Wait! One last request! An interview!
COBRA COMMANDER
What did you say?
RAMIREZ
An interview! I want to interview you!
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - CHEMICAL WEAPONS ARSENAL
SOLDIER [Michael Bell]
Sound the alarm!
ZARTAN
Fools, take out the towers only! Hit a gas bunker and we'll all explode!
INT. GAS BUNKER
BUZZER
This is the non-lethal stuff. Laughing gas, tear gas, you know.
BUZZER
That there's the explosive gas.
ZARTAN
Radio Cobra Commander that we're bringing it all in. Waste not, want not.
EXT. HIDDEN BASE - EXHAUST VENT
ALPINE
Here it is, the exhaust vent that snake told us about.
COVER GIRL
Right under our noses.
INT. HIDDEN BASE
ZARTAN
Baroness, we captured the explosive gas. Why isn't Cobra Commander here to witness my triumph?
BARONESS
He's being interviewed for TV.
INT. HIDDEN BASE - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Then after leading a mutiny at my military academy....
INT. HIDDEN BASE
BUZZER
Listen up, you bloody dingos!
TORCH
Explosive gas to the left!
RIPPER
Laughing gas, tear gas, and the rest by the command module!
GUNG-HO
Can you make any more noise than that, Alpine?
ALPINE
Shut up, unless you wanna fly downstairs.
SPIRIT
Fly. Good idea. Freedom, find Shipwreck.
BARONESS
Look, an eagle has gotten into the cavern. Bye-bye, birdie.
SHIPWRECK
Freedom! You ain't cookin' my friend's goose!
ALPINE
They must've spotted us.
COVER GIRL
No sense being subtle now.
JOES
Yo Joe!
ZARTAN
G. I. Joe! We're under attack!
GUNG-HO
Why aren't they shootin' back?
ALPINE
Maybe 'cause we're sittin' on a truckload of explosive gas.
GUNG-HO
Hey, ain't that....
COVER GIRL
Shipwreck! He's gonna crush those gas cylinders!
COBRA [Bill Ratner]
Itching gas!
GUNG-HO
Explosions!
SPIRIT
There'll be a cave-in!
ALPINE
We'll all be crushed!
SHIPWRECK
Hate to laugh and run, but we've gotta get outta here!
COBRA COMMANDER
They're escaping! The cavern's exploding! What's so funny?
COBRA COMMANDER
No!
SHIPWRECK
We'd better get out before everything collapses!
ZARTAN
If we don't get out of here, we're finished!
BUZZER
Well, c'est la vie, mate!
ZARTAN
No, really! Come on! We must escape!
EXT. ROCKY MOUNTAINS - DAY
DUKE
Any sign of where Cobra went?
FLINT
No. The trail seems to disappear.
FLINT
Wait, look out there!
DUKE
This must be Cobra's doing!
SHIPWRECK
Uh-oh!
DUKE
Shipwreck! Would you mind telling me what the bloody blue blazes is goin' on?
RAMIREZ
It was great! It was wonderful! Emmy material! A Pulitzer prize! There's was laughing gas, and fighting, and guns, and explosions! I got it all on tape! I've got to get this to my network! Fantastic! What a scoop!
RAMIREZ (CONT.)
Love you! You Joes are great!
DUKE
I'd like an explanation for all this!
DUKE
On second thought, forget it.

SPELL OF THE SIREN

EXT. ADRIATIC SEA - USS FLAGG
FLINT
Welcome to the Adriatic. Don't say I never take you anywhere, Lady Jaye.
LADY JAYE
If this is your idea of a vacation, Flint, I'd hate to see where you'd take me on business.
DEEP SIX
Was that a joke?
TORPEDO
Hey Lady Jaye, ever ride rumble seat on a SHARC before?
LADY JAYE
Nope. Any tips, Torpedo?
TORPEDO
Yeah. Hang tight, and whatever you do...don't fall off!
LADY JAYE
Look at those sunken ships. It's a regular graveyard.
FLINT
Ancient history. Our job's finding out what Cobra's doing down here now.
BARONESS
This may be it.
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE
COBRA COMMANDER
You squandered a fortune on this project, Destro!
DESTRO
I assure you, Cobra Commander, we are on the verge of a momentous discovery.
COBRA COMMANDER
Tomax, Xamot, give this fool a lesson in economics.
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) Cost effectiveness over the long run (X) is achieved through careful management of short term cash flow.
DESTRO
Spare me your business school philosophy!
BARONESS
Temper, Destro. The Crimson Guard Commanders can be powerful allies or dangerous foes. It is unwise to provoke them.
BARONESS
We have gone to all this bother for a simple seashell?
DESTRO
No, Baroness. For the conch of the Sirens. Its music lured a thousand sailors to doom on the reef above. And in our hands....
DESTRO
What's going on?
EXT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE
EEL #1
It's G. I. Joe!
EEL #2
Battle stations!
FLINT
Yo Joe!
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE
DESTRO
Here! Get the conch to Cobra headquarters!
BARONESS
And you?
DESTRO
Someone has to show those fools how to fight!
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE - CORRIDOR
LADY JAYE
Going somewhere?
DEEP SIX
You dented my suit!
FLINT
Well, well, a big fish in a big bowl!
BARONESS
I must get to the escape pod!
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE - ESCAPE POD
INT. COBRA UNDERSEA BASE - CORRIDOR
FLINT
You hurt?
LADY JAYE
Only my pride.
FLINT
What's this?
LADY JAYE
I don't know, but judging from how much the Baroness wanted what was in it, it must've been pretty important.
EXT. COBRA SKYSCRAPER - DAY
INT. COBRA SKYSCRAPER - CONTROL ROOM
COBRA COMMANDER
Say nothing, Baroness. I saw the entire catastrophe. Money wasted, Destro captured, and for what? For what?
BARONESS
This shell.
COBRA COMMANDER
A seashell? You're as mad as Destro! You should rot in prison with him!
BARONESS
You will not rescue him?
COBRA COMMANDER
He got himself into this, he can get himself out! You too! Now get out! Get out!
BARONESS
I wonder if Major Bludd will see it your way.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
DUKE
You did good, Flint. Destro's in the slammer.
SCARLETT
What was inside that oilskin wrapping you found?
DR. BLACKSTONE
Something quite deadly, Scarlett. The legendary conch of the Sirens.
COVER GIRL
The legendary whozit of what, Dr. Blackstone?
DR. BLACKSTONE
For centuries, Cover Girl, the music of the Sirens lured sailors onto the Black Reef in the Adriatic Sea. According to the writing on this oilskin, it served as a wrapping for a conch shell used by the ancient Sirens.
ROADBLOCK
They played the tune that made men swoon.
DR. BLACKSTONE
Exactly. Its soundwaves had a hypnotic effect on the male hormonal system. A man who hears the Sirens' song loses all will power.
FLINT
And Cobra has that weapon?
BREAKER
Duke, satellite feed from the Alaskan Security Net.
SCARLETT
Cobra! They're tapping the pipeline!
DUKE
We've got a job to do. Let's do it.
EXT. ALASKAN PIPELINE - DAY
MAJ. BLUDD
Careful, mates! Let's not lose a drop of that black gold, hear?
BARONESS
Major Bludd, I wish to make you a proposition. Together we can destroy G. I. Joe once and for all.
MAJ. BLUDD
And how exactly would we do that?
BARONESS
With this.
MAJ. BLUDD
A seashell? Gone a little bats, have you?
MAJ. BLUDD
Oh, no! It's the Joes!
DUKE
Yo Joe! Hit 'em high and hit 'em low!
MAJ. BLUDD
Rattlers, get into the air! Shoot them down!
WILD BILL
Just like a down-home turkey shoot!
FEMALE COBRA
What's happening to our men?
BARONESS
Well, well, well. It worked.
INT. COBRA SKYSCRAPER - THRONE ROOM
BARONESS
It worked, I tell you, just as Destro said it would. Do you realize what this means?
COBRA COMMANDER
It seems you have given me the perfect weapon against G. I. Joe.
BARONESS
You? Your decision to leave Destro in the hands of the Joes was the act of a petulant madman!
COBRA COMMANDER
Madman?
BARONESS
You are unfit to rule! The members of my family have been bred as rulers for centuries. The conch is mine, and I will use it to crush G. I. Joe!
COBRA COMMANDER
Oh? We shall see about that. Crimson Guard Commander!
COBRA COMMANDER
Treason! This is trea....
BARONESS
No, my former Commander. Not treason. It is destiny.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
FEMALE TELE-VIPER
Assault Group One to Baroness. All teams in position. We're ready to attack.
BARONESS
Destro, soon you will be free.
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - INFIRMARY
SCARLETT
Oh, Duke.
LADY JAYE
Has Destro decided to talk?
DESTRO
I have nothing to discuss with G. I. Joe.
LADY JAYE
Perimeter alarm! We're under attack!
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
LADY JAYE
Flint? Roadblock! They're paralyzed!
FEMALE GREENSHIRT #1
Hey, what's wrong?
FEMALE GREENSHIRT #2
Come on, let's get to our posts!
FEMALE GREENSHIRT #3
Forget 'em! Let's go! Cobra's inside the compound!
BARONESS
Slaves of the Siren song, now heed my voice. You have no will but my will. The Joe women are your enemies! Destroy them all!
LADY JAYE
Take cover!
SCARLETT
They're like robots!
LADY JAYE
All the men are...look!
SCARLETT
We've got to put them out of action!
COVER GIRL
But how without hurting them?
LADY JAYE
In that locker. It's stun gas.
COVER GIRL
I'll cover you. Go for it!
BARONESS (O.C.)
Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - CELL
DESTRO
Baroness! So, Cobra Commander finally decided I was worth rescuing.
BARONESS
He had nothing to do with it. I command Cobra now, thanks to this.
DESTRO
I always said you'd go far, my dear Baroness.
EXT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
SCARLETT
Come on!
DESTRO
Stun gas! We must retreat! This gas paralyzes!
BARONESS
Slaves, of the Siren song, retreat! Retreat!
SCARLETT
Duke? Oh, no, Duke!
LADY JAYE
Duke and Flint are in Cobra's power, Scarlett. Now it's up to us.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - BARONESS' HIDEOUT
DESTRO
It's good to be free. What are your plans, Baroness?
BARONESS
Piracy, Destro. Piracy on the land, in the air, on the sea!
DESTRO
The ancient Sirens would agree, I'm sure.
BARONESS
Strange, isn't it? The Joes fight even more efficiently under the Sirens' spell.
DESTRO
Because their minds are not clouded by their free will. You do their thinking for them.
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
DESTRO
What about our lunatic leader, Cobra Commander?
BARONESS
Look for yourself. Even under the spell of the Siren song I don't trust him. Better to keep him in prison.
DESTRO
And out of mischief. What of that cell? Who's in there?
BARONESS
One of the Crimson Guard Commanders. Tomax, I think. I can never keep their names straight. But neither of them can be trusted.
DESTRO
And where is his brother Xamot?
BARONESS
He has managed to elude me so far. But have no fear. My women will find him.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - SUNSET
WILD BILL
Durn lucky we were off base when those owl-hoots attacked Joe Headquarters, Rip Cord! Otherwise, our brains would be hog-tied like Duke and the boys!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMAND CENTER
RECONDO [Michael Bell]
Got a fix on it, Lady Jaye! Duke's somewhere in this valley ahead of us! Uh-oh.
EXT. MOUNTAINS - BARONESS' HIDEOUT
WILD BILL
I think we've found the varmints' hideout!
EXT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - NIGHT
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - ENTRANCE
BARONESS
I want her alive.
BARONESS
Take her to the prison block. She can keep Cobra Commander company.
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
XAMOT
Wake up, Lady Jaye. You've been rescued.
LADY JAYE
You!
XAMOT
Truce! I'm on your side!
LADY JAYE
Why should I believe a Crimson Guard Commander?
XAMOT
Good question.
BARONESS
Xamot!
XAMOT
Perhaps you could judge me by the company I don't keep.
BARONESS
Guards, guards!
LADY JAYE
Let's get out of here!
EXT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - SUNRISE
INT. ESCAPE TUNNEL
EXT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - SUNRISE
XAMOT
Well, that takes care of that!
LADY JAYE
Wishful thinking is a problem with you, isn't it?
LADY JAYE
Heat seekers!
LADY JAYE
Head for that peak! Pull up!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - CONFERENCE ROOM
SCARLETT, COVER GIRL, AND LADY JAYE
(S) Now let's get this straight. You'll help us breach Cobra security (C) if we promise to leave with our forces (L) once we've rescued the Joes.
WILD BILL
Ah, hog slaw!
RECONDO
Why would you wanna help us?
XAMOT
I have my reasons. Trust me.
LADY JAYE
Suppose we do trust you. We still can't attack in force, or we'll hurt Flint and the others.
DR. BLACKSTONE
Perhaps this will help. A sonic pulsar designed to produce a musical counter-vibration. It could break the spell of the conch.
SCARLETT
And if it doesn't work?
DR. BLACKSTONE
Well, then the Joes will remain prisoners of the siren song for the rest of their lives.
SCARLETT
Well, it's worth a try.
LADY JAYE AND SCARLETT
Yo Joe!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT
DESTRO
But Baroness, the seashell is the leader, not you.
DESTRO
If you put me under the Sirens' spell, you'll have no one with whom to share your triumph. Only a madman like Cobra Commander would wish to rule alone when the two of us could rule together.
BARONESS
Destro, do you hear bells?
FEMALE COBRA
Baroness, we're under attack!
BARONESS
What?
DESTRO
The outer defenses?
FEMALE COBRA
Breached! It's Xamot, Baroness. He's leading the Joes against us.
INT. ESCAPE TUNNEL
LADY JAYE
I knew it couldn't last!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
COBRA COMMANDER
What? What am I doing here?
INT. ESCAPE TUNNEL
BARONESS
What are you waiting for? Destroy!
FLINT
You heard the lady. What are we waiting for?
LADY JAYE
Yo Joe!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(T) It's good to (X) see you, brother.
COBRA COMMANDER
Release me!
TOMAX AND XAMOT
(X) Hmm, I suppose (T) we should.
COBRA COMMANDER
Get me out of here, you fools!
INT. BARONESS' HIDEOUT - PRISON BLOCK
COBRA COMMANDER
The Baroness will pay for her treachery some day!
DESTRO
We've lost! Flee and fight again another day!
INT. JOE HEADQUARTERS - COMMISSARY
DR. BLACKSTONE
I want to study the conch, learn why it works.
SCARLETT
I'm afraid this thing's caused enough trouble. Lady Jaye?
DUKE
What'd you do that for?
SCARLETT
Just making the world safe for you men.
LADY JAYE
Somebody has to.